Tuesday 29th July, 2025
Entry posted by Philip in Everything
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Hello beautiful,
I want to talk about Jan today. We’ve decided to have our first meet-up this Friday night. I’m hesitant to call it a date, even though technically it is. When he told me he was free and asked if I wanted to do something, I noticed I didn’t immediately get excited or jump at the opportunity. Instead, I found myself wondering if I even wanted to go at all.
The reason is that our conversations through text have felt pretty lukewarm. They don’t really go anywhere or dive deeper. Yes, he checks in every day, but it’s mostly just, “How’s your day going?” or “What’s the plan for the rest of the night?” We exchange polite replies, but when I stop and think about it, I wonder—what have we actually talked about? Some might argue that maybe he’s better in person than over text, and that’s fair. But then I wonder, what happens in the in-between? Do we just wait to see each other once a week without sharing much depth through messages or calls?
I asked him today what he’s looking for on the app, and he said he’s ultimately after a long-term relationship, but that he’s “going with the flow.” And I think that’s the key phrase: going with the flow. He’s taking things easy, not stressing, and it makes me feel a little guilty for wanting more from him. With Suf, and even with Phil, I felt like I could fully unleash myself, and they could (at least somewhat) hold the space for it. With Jan, I feel like I can only hand over a part of myself, not the whole.
So for now, I’ll let these feelings simmer a little longer before deciding what to do with them.
Dating is tough, buddy. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. One step at a time, yeah? Chat soon xx
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