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Part Ii - Ages 18 To About 24


So, after high school I entered the Army. Tough time for a confused young man. Like I noted in part I, the military was very anti-gay at the time. Doing anything that would reveal my tendencies would have created major problems; they were still doing Article 15's for homosexuality, then.

 

And it was tough, too. So many good looking guys! Then when I was 20 I got shipped to Germany.

 

Oh boy. First, the barracks were old, former German Army barracks from WWII, which meant communal showers. There I am, every morning after calisthenics with 30 other swinging dicks. Some mornings it was all I could do not to pop wood.

 

But the best thing about Germany was the porn. This is 1985, VHS is the height of consumer video and the Internet? But there were tons of porno theaters! And the types of porn were....comprehensive, at least to my beginner's eyes.

 

Gay porn was very popular and no one wore condoms. Watersports were often part of the "plot" of any given film and, as far as I can tell, the Germans pioneered shaved genitals. I was in heaven and spent as much of my free time as possible "on the economy", sitting in darkened porno theaters, jerking off.

 

That's where I had my first real gay experience, when an older man came over, sat down next to me, reached over and jerked me off. I soon learned the rules and customs of these places: mutual masturbation was OK, oral sex in the bathrooms only. I sucked two or three dicks a night, two or three times a week on a good week, usually less but as much as I could!

 

Eventually, this guy I'd blown a few times invited me to a private club (I spoke OK German by then). It was like a bath house, really but I didn't know much about them. Anyway, that's where I had my first anal. Yes, it hurt and, yes, I did it twice that night. Paid for a week while my bunghole bled slightly for four days and was sore the whole time but by the end of the week I was ready for more.

 

I spent the rest of my tour in Germany pretty much having sex as often as I could, bareback of course. Looking back, this was when HIV was really starting to be a problem and it's a wonder I didn't catch anything. Drunks and fools, I guess....

 

Got out of the Army in '87, got a job and was going to school part time. I was very busy with my life for the next two years and except for some light flirting with a couple guys in school I went back to solo action, with the addition of some toys, magazines and videos. It was a 2 year dry spell, especially compared to my time in Germany!

 

I was still conflicted about being gay. I was 24 and closeted and still trying to convince myself I liked women. I often wish I hadn't been raised in such a conservative environment. My early life would have been much different if I could have come out as a teen. I definitely wouldn't have gotten married.

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Just wanted to let you know I love your blog! I am enrolled in SA (Sex-a-holics Anonymous) and you made me relapse! Thank You! My sponser called and checked in with me as I was pumping my fist to your blog. He asked me how things were going. I told him in graphic detail what I was doing. He got turned on and started stroking with me! BOOM! Shit is gonna hit the fan during the teleconference tomorrow! Fuck it! It was totally worth it! As far as I am concerned, this website is my "Higher Power." Anyone in a recovery program will get a chuckle out of that!

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