I've been single for about 4 years. During this time I've had a fairly regular fuck bud. He's black, hung, fairly dom and muscular. he's also smart and a hell of a lot of fun to be with. If I'm honest with myself I have to admit I'm in love with him.
When we first met (on line) both our bios said we were neg and only fucked safe. Our first fuck was great and it quickly became a regualr thing. After the third or forth time we hooked up, he said, "I gotta tag that ass" and proceeded to fuck me raw. I totally loved it, yet later felt very guilty. So I called him and confessed about my real status. He sounded a little uncomfortable but said he was cool with it and changed the subject. I later changed my on line status to POZ and have been openly poz since. We continued to hook up, hang out . I fell in love. We always used a rubber.
Once I tried to tell him I love him, but he changed the subject.
About two years ago I was at his place and I noticed a bottle of HIV meds sitting on the coffee table. with his name on it . We even have the same doctor! I pretend not to see it, then excused myself. When I came back, the bottle was gone. Long story, but I now believe he's been poz for many years, he was prolly infected by his first bf who had a wicked crack habit.
In the last six months or so he's stared fucking me raw. I never asked him, he just started doing it. I totally love it, and based on what he says when we're fucking (like "You want my fucking load? tell me you want my fucking load" etc) I can tell he really likes it too. But, based on his behavior, I think he feels guilty about it later.
So my question is: Should I tell him I know he's poz? Should I tell him how much I want his cum inside me? Would this make us closer or would he freak? Oh yeah, did I mention I'm in love with him?