Hi everyone.
I think it's the first time i post here. Although i read and try to get info here from time to time. I'll try not to make this a masturbation post, but I need some feedback here.
So I'm a neg top, although I haven't been topping much lately for several reasons (including not being so happy about using condoms). Anyway, I enjoy facefucking and love to feed a guy who really wants it. However I also love sucking. Though I suck even less often than topping for another set of reasons. Whatever.
Lately I'm approaching guys to blow them. Still nothing has happened, and I also passed on some opportunities, but it is going to start happening and I'm pretty sure I will want to taste their cum in my mouth, although not necessary swallow. I'm pretty ok with that in risk terms, I guess.
Being in this situation, I met a greek-god guy online, nice cock, etc. So he likes my cock but reacts when i ask if he likes to get good head, and asks me if i like cum. I say i do, but ask about status and he says he's poz under treatment without viral load. I try to be sensitive about it cos it's the first time it happens to me and i'm not too informed. He tells me he wants an oral sub to please him. I say I like that and he asks if I swallow. I ask about risk and he says it's low risk and to check online (which i already had done).
Ok, that's it. Now, I'm thinking: I've read the news about the PARTNER study and stuff like that and seems that undetectable (I guess that's the same as no viral load, right?) guys won't transmit the virus. I also now that oral sex is also a low risk activity per se (few or none documented cases i think? like 1 in 2500? I'm not sure if that 2500 would all be poz though). So if at some point I'm gonna find myself sucking some guys who probably don't really know their status, it seems stupid to not suck an UD guy off (it might be safer), but I also feel pretty anxious and like i'm might be behaving self-destructively. The guy also asked again if i swallow. So i guess he's got some kind of fixation about it too (I understand). I don't know if i could convince him or stop him from feeding me... and anyway is there a significant difference in risk between swallowing or not? It all seems so relative.
On the other hand I recently learned about PreP and I'm considering it. For this (probably nor worth it because of minimal risk?), but also for topping. So I might do that before. I just don't want to regret it later or feel scared when he cums. Also I'm thinking, if we like it we might do it again and again and the risk overall would probably be higher. Also he might not actually be undetectable (knowingly or not). And I definitely want to stay neg. I'd accept without thinking if it were someone who I "know" or believe to be neg. And I don't want a poz fetish.
I know I'm overthinking it, but I can't help it. I think I know most of the facts, but I still feel unable to see things clearly. Any insight or tip or something?
Thanks!
tl;dr: an undetectable poz wants to use my mouth and feed me his load, i'm probably irrationally scared (or not), calm me down, thx!