Kayne

I am extremely sorry to hear this. I understand the struggle. But, You have worth. You have Value. Find your worth inside yourself. it is there, but only you can define it. I am sorry you were used so horribly though

Fuck! that Tat is EveryFuckingThing!

Nice! wish my story was half as memorable!

I'm right there with you. honestly, I'm only been able to deal with it when I was paid to do so, and That was always with me as a Top.

Yeah I miss it was so much easier to find activity partners that also wanted sleasybfucks in between.

Yep. Especially during periods where tickets need to be raised to fill "quality of life" quotas

l Yeah, Male Genital Mutilation in the US has relatively recent history and it goes back to J.H. Kellogg. Yeah, the Corn Flakes guy. He was very "Religeous" very "Sex is only for procreation" and believed bland food with little to no meat and genital mutilation would reduce/ prevent masturbation. There are also advocates that tour cleanliness and uniformty between father and son. I serious feel such mutilation should be done away with. I'm glad I still have my hood

I can assure you that yes, at least here in NYC

I know why. There are several separate reasons why NYC doesn't have anything like Steamworks here, and many of them branch off from the same Source. Former Mayor R. Giuliani. 1.a ) The first reason predates him. HIV/ AIDS caused the NYC Department of health to act. and In so acting, Many of the places that were highly accessible for Queer People to play were quite literally snuffed out of existence. Many of the draconian laws put on the books still remain and are enforced today. You wouldn't expect the NYPD Vice, to go looking for condom use in a sex club. but yeah, they do. This included bars, clubs. gender specific SRO hotels and and saunas. 1.b) Prostitution. 2.) n line with the preceeding reason, Gender specific health clubs were more or less flat out banned. Steam rooms/ Saunas often were classified as fitness centers and by closing "male only" spaces, ot was hoped that transmission of the "Gay Disease" would be halted. a double standard kept chain owned corporate places like Lucille Robert's or Livingston Well Lady Open. 3.) Organized Crime. Many of the venues / spaces, that housed sex related businesses as well as the businesses themselves were connected with Organized Crime, and cutting off their revenue, made the Organizations weaker. 4) Rudy Giuliani. As Mayor of New York hevwas responsible for the over regulation of sex based businesses and "nightlife" in an attempt to sanitize the city for "families" this was done by I. Rezoning and modifying how far away businesses like Peep Shows, ABS, Saunas could operate from schools, , government installations, and each other. II. Getting Rid of the Homeless III. Enforcing "Vice Crimes/ Broken Windows Doctorine" IV. Further Erasure of "Queer" Spaces in the Name of Health V. A personal Christian Conservative Vendetta against Night Life personalities like Peter Gaiten VI. The Virtual Sale of Broadway/Times Square to Disney in an "Effort to Bring Broadway Back" VII. The steep Rise of NYC Property and Business Taxes. XI. Early Smoking Bans in The entire country started here, under Giuliani, targeted at these spaces. they would later be picked up strengthened and expanded to what they are today. These are the reasons that what we had went away and why it its likely not worth the hassle to bring such spaces back to NYC. Newer reasons include Covid, economic downturn, trans backlash.

This is the downside of progress my friend. Before, Cruising had stakes. whether it was covertly checking out a potential playmate and clicking in a space -Whether public or private-, or stumbling on a group of guys gettingbit on, Getting caught did something to heat the situation. The exposure could be addictive. and it didn't matter where you did it, in a bar, on a pier, beach, between two cars, in a sauna, in your own apartment. it didn't matter. Before there were potrable super computer phones in our pockets with nstant nudes, internet porn at a moment's notice and literal electronic bulletin boards of the next nearest cock or community cum dumpster, or PrEP, one has to be fully present to hunt. Whether Predator or Prey "Man2Man" interactions had chemistry, not easily subverted by fantasy. But when you can literally See the guy at a gym, bar, grocery store on some random hook up site and never talk to him, but yet you know all that you need to know to get you off, interpersonal interaction becomes redundant. Why, because you have the best version of them already at your disposal. where the real you might not like deep anal, and much preferre being hot dogged, the you in his fantasies can't get enough cock in his hole. Maybe you're a Dominant guy, in his mind you're either a needy submussive, or Dom that He can turn the tables on. That fantasybtskes way less effort with way less risk of rejection than the you that he's built in his fantasies; even if you're right there in front of him within breathing distance. Normally, I'm Just A Big Dumb Jock, but I'm gonna get nerdy for a tick, because this illustrates what I mean better than I can explain it. There are 2 Episodes of Star Trek TNG Where LaForge comes into contact with a Physicist, Dr Brahams. in the first episode the problem of the week lead Laforge to make a holodeck simulation of the doctor. he had her statistical info, but made up a personality out of whole cloth, and the computer played the simulation. its implied that over the next year he fired up that holder doctor many times. A year Later, when he has a chance to meet the real lady, she shatters the fantasy he built, which only got worse when she found out about the holodeck program. They ultimately were able to get past this issue. he saw the real person, she stopped being a stuck up bitch. but the point still stands, and is especially accurate, because in most situations, people never get past the destruction of their fantasies. so no, its not you. TL;DR Its not you. We as a whole have moved to a place where the lower stakes approach is preferable to actual effort, sadly.

even with all that... and it is straight up trash. its better than NYC. sadly.

so. I can talk about My Dancer/ Go- Go Bou Backroom shenanigans then? sweet.

Great! Whats you experience?

My last Public Fuck. November 2019 Thanksgiving day. There isn't a whole lot to tell if I'm honest. This guy hit me up on A4A. It was early in the morning, just after sunrise. He was was across town. I bred him twice in a project building stairwell. Apparently his family was all at his apartment, just on the other side of the stairwell door. Some Dude came down that way caught us and pissed on us as I was blowing my second load. He came all over himself and caught the pink cum that dripped from his wrecked hole and lickednit off his fingers. he cleaned my cock and took a belly full of my piss. Then I left, went for a dozen donuts and went home.

I'm a Switch. I'm also a slut and a pig and a lot of things. I am seriously more apt to Go ATM as a recieving partner because I know I've properly prepped. If I'm the Active partner, not gonna lie, being cleaned is hot. It only ever becomes an issue for me if I've gotten "Peanut butter" on my dick Its hard to come back from that.

I'm hooked!

Does Anyone wanna talk about it here?

Can confirm. I am constantly asking asshples"Did you even bother to read my page? it's a literal pain.

I Throughly enjoyed that

That was really good!

At various points I've given into my affection for Vacuum pumping my Dick. I prefer girth to length and its pleasurable, since my current circumstances leave me unable to playbwith others as much as I'd like. My only problem is that I've never been able to find a good quality pump, and not just some novelty toy that breaks after a couple of times. I could never afford the Vacutech ones I lusted after when I was younger. Now, they're out of business, and I am wary of Boston Pump after seeing them largely disappear.I gotva TOF branded one from Fort Trough but it broke after a couple of uses. Is there anyone out there into pumping? Does anyone know of any quality brands I can get ahold of. Anyone out there looking for a Pump buddy? Reply here or Drop me a PM.

That is fucked Up. I'm sorry that happened to you, they way it did. I can absolutely relate.. I went through a similar experience with years of "false positives" And "negative full panel tests" and the NYC dept of health taking more than 10 years to actually contact and test me. I had progressed into full AIDS ans my only symptoms was a common cold. Ironically I've had more illnesses including Covid 3 times and have been worse off on ARVs than I ever was before them. So yeah, its a bitch. But I take the joy where I can find it. In the end, what cannot be changed, must be endured.

... This might be a case of " If the show fits..." But I want to be clear. I am able to put my kink in the back burner. I thought I had made it clear that I was aware that I had traded one prison, for another. I traded Freedom from my fear for the consequences of the Actual hard Reality I experience now that I Am so Gifted" Dating can be a nightmare. And I got exposed due to medical negligence. which is the worst part of my experience. I'm sorry if I was less than clear.

A Dumb Jock POV I grew up during the worst of it. I remembe being scared of HIV/AIDS just like I was scared of those Mini Comic Christian Tracks that littered city streets when I was a kid. For as far back as I remember I was convinced that I wouldn't make it to 20. This in the mind of a kid being g used by some twisted people. As I got older. that voice in my head kept saying I was gonna be infected and die well before my Dad did. The fear i was trying to bury got stronger when I realized I only wanted Men and that I couldn't control it and I liked what I was doing. The progression into my teens saw me taking more risks. getting diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue syndrome and anxiety and seeing friends and relations deal with the gift made me feel I could cope. When I was exposed in the hospital, my only fear was I'd die leaving my mom alone since everyone in her live had already succumbed. I didn't test for yearscafter a string of false positives My sex life diminished with my mom's greater need for care until I am where zi am today. Right Now, All I really have left is the kink that grew out of fear and acceptance. I like being POZ because its part of who I am. But being PozIs not my Identity. Bei g Poz is a small part of being the man I am. and the fears that I had being neg or unaware have gone. But just like everything in this world. there is a price. While I haven't been rejected by my found family I still get rejected. I hat the meds. I hate the judgment of medical people. I hate how much my situation boosts me in health related costs and I'm afraid of the day I won't be able to afford my health care. Freedom from. one thing chained me down with another. But I can make the best of it. I will take the joy i can find. But that's just what a big dumb jock thinks