polyglutton

Something veruly similar happened to me and it really disturbed me. I'm not even into younger guys but he was pretty assertive and I was so horny. I did not meet or send a face pic, but he messaged me from multiple accounts over 6 months and I turned him down every time. At the very end I got messages like the ones you got with "his mom" making accusations. I don't know if it's some elaborate blackmail scam or some networked, concerted effort on the part of far right attacks on gay people. 
 

I deleted my profile and now do not send face pics anymore. I live in a small town, but when I visit cities, I'll feel safer to show my face away from these creepy people. 
 

On a sort of related note, I am trying to deal with a stalker on grindr who seems to be using some software hack that makes his profile impossible to block. I can block anyone else, but his never goes away. I just made a new account but in a small town I think he'll figure it out soon. Sucks bc grindr is the only gay outlet I have 😕. 

How wonderful is this. 

Pre-lube with vaseline?

Thank you for your continual efforts to make this a safe place

Hot story.
 

Just FYI one of the myriad and biggest of the rules they must follow at all times is no never be away from their missionary companions. He probably got in trouble later for going unaccounted? 

On 8/30/2022 at 3:31 AM, tallslenderguy said:

Reading through the responses here, find it interesting how the net and online experience is different than 'IRL'.  Lol, even that acronym: "IRL" and many others, have come out of online culture. Is online not "real life?"  i digress.

i find it noteworthy that some ignore, or do not respond with even a few words or polite reply, because it would somehow be a gross waste of their time to acknowledge another human being who has reached out to them, Of course, they do not put it that way, nor do they likely think of it that way... i doubt the same people who do this would respond similarly IRL.  

i think the  online experience promotes a sort of detached, drive thru experience where we have been conditioned to have it our way, have it now, or not at all. The person on the other end has become a commodity, or a service, and if they do no meet our criteria, we ignore or delete them as, not a person, but a disqualified product. 

The IRL scenario you are referring referring to in which one gay or queer man would approach another is specific, usually in a place and time where this sort of interaction could be expected. However a phone is pretty much totally decontextualised; the recipient could be anywhere, doing or feeling anything. It's not natural, normal, or reasonable to expect random strangers to always respond, and always respond in real time, or even respond in a way that we want. We have no idea what they're dealing with. 
 

Take this as sign that you need to expand your creative imagination and your emotional generosity.
 

Laugh, shrug, nod, or whatever helps. but don't judge others by your own experiences, because to treat these aa universal is missing out on an important lesson about life. 

On 8/20/2022 at 4:45 AM, polyglutton said:

Here's my experience with the vaccine:

got my first shot on 22 July, and felt ill for 11 days after. Headaches, foggy or slow brain, general fatigue. No rash then, and although the injection site was hard and a bit swollen, it was only a 1 on a 1-10 scale of itchiness. 
 

However by 6 August, I developed an itchy rash on my forearms. It was itchiest on the left forearm (but no lesions developed). My right forearm was less itchy BUT I developed three small lesions, that look like the ones in the pictures I've seen, thankfully smaller than the average ones depicted. It took a week for the lesions to go down, I'd say the itchiness was a 4 out of 10. No scarring, but I find the mini-lesions as a part of my immune response unusual compared to what I've heard explained in expected side-effects. 
 

I am isolating and have no mpox exposure

Good news, a week after my second dose (intradermal this time) I only felt bad for a week instead of two, and the swelling at the injection site is already going down. Huzzah. 

2 hours ago, topblkmale said:

Grindr is the new gay bathhouse/gay sauna especially for the younger generation. I can't imagine giving every guy I am not interested in at a bathhouse a detailed friendly reply as to why I am not interested.

 

 

I think you make a great point here. The vast majority of under 50 year olds haven't really experienced bathhouses and never learnt this etiquette. I feel super lucky to have lived near Steamworks for a few years in the age of PrEP. 

9 hours ago, HoneyBuns1980 said:

. And, I NEVER block just because someone blew me off. That's weak. And, wanting someone who blew you off to block you just because they couldn't be bothered to reply to an IM? That's just fuckin' weird!

For me there is a distinction between a preemptive or post conversation block vs. a real-time block. 

To me a real-time block i.e. mid contact/chat is inhumane.

However a block before, or some time after contact, is really doing both people a favour. It opens up the grid for both users to have better chances of finding compatibility with someone better suited. 

But I agree that blocking someone because they did not respond right away is weak and short-sided. The other person could be up to anything, and to make their lack of immediate response about you is juvenile. I like to give people a few days before I decide they aren't going to respond. And that still isn't a reason to block if I'm interested in them. 

8 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

I don't block them "just because they blew me off". I block non-responders because they're rude sons-of-bitches and I don't want to ever make the mistake of complimenting them again, ever, because their rudeness trumps any physical appeal they may have had.

What this really boils down to is some people are either so goddamned lazy they can't be bothered to thank someone for a compliment - and I suspect they're also the shitheads who never wrote a thank-you note or even so much as a thank-you email to people who have given them gifts over the years - or else they're so terrified they might have to actually SAY WORDS to let someone down that they'll ignore a warm message just so their precious little fee-fees aren't distressed.

 

Giving a gift or compliment should be done freely without any expectation of anything in return, otherwise it's an obligation and no longer a gift. If saying thank you were an obligation, then genuine gratitude in the words thank you would have no meaning. 

Making assumptions about why the other person didn't respond is unkind.  You don't know what they're dealing with or anything else. Ultimately it's creepy to project expectations.

Our  personal experience and values are not universal, we do well to always keep that in mind with every person we encounter, both in person or online. 

 It depends on:

1. If am I already busy talking to or doing something else, I won't respond in real time. Some people will draw conclusions or even block if they don't get a response within a short period. Their loss. I insist on being a human, not at the beck and call of all notifications on my phone. 
 

2. Since I live in a small town and grindr is also used as the only "community" resource, I try not to reduce every interaction to that of a potential hookup. This means I will sometimes respond to people in a friendly non-sexual way, being clear about it when it comes up. 
 

3. If someone I'm not attracted to contacts me, I might respond and I might not. It depends on my mood (can I handle someone being rude?). I don't think being "nice" is overrated and even hurtful (a lot of what is nice or saving face is actually unnecessarily dishonest and misleading). Kind is better, and in my book, kindness means being honest and direct, but respectful and considerate. 
 

4. I don't owe anyone a response and this doesn't make me a bad person, it just means I have boundaries. 
 

I would wish to selectively tune in to the thoughts and feelings of others, in a non-creepy way. To be able to get an assessment of a person's character and desires right up front would work wonders for my trust and attachment issues.

Here's my experience with the vaccine:

got my first shot on 22 July, and felt ill for 11 days after. Headaches, foggy or slow brain, general fatigue. No rash then, and although the injection site was hard and a bit swollen, it was only a 1 on a 1-10 scale of itchiness. 
 

However by 6 August, I developed an itchy rash on my forearms. It was itchiest on the left forearm (but no lesions developed). My right forearm was less itchy BUT I developed three small lesions, that look like the ones in the pictures I've seen, thankfully smaller than the average ones depicted. It took a week for the lesions to go down, I'd say the itchiness was a 4 out of 10. No scarring, but I find the mini-lesions as a part of my immune response unusual compared to what I've heard explained in expected side-effects. 
 

I am isolating and have no mpox exposure

I would like to be able to "like" more than 3 posts/responses per 24 hours. 
 

I don't post much myself, mostly just enjoy reading what others write as inspiration for my nightly wanks. 

I got my vaccination a week ago and my immune response is still ongoing one week in. Low energy, headaches, and the injection site is still sore. I feel really lucky to get the vaccine, but I am surprised at how long the effects have been for me. It makes me wonder if I would have had a really bad case had I actually been infected. 
 

I appreciate being able to read the experiences of others here. 

I started dating someone special a few months ago, and he tested positive a few days ago. He'd been away for a month and luckily his symptoms appeared before coming back to see me. Poor guy.

I wonder how long it will be before he's no longer contagious? And will he develop immunity now or could he get reinfected?  

It's certainly been a rollercoaster week for us. I was so looking forward to seeing him. 

Super hot story, and really well-written! Please keep going. I know this story will be a classic I keep returning to. 

Cum or silicone, I don't like the rest

The pursuit of novelty has been a major driver of modern human evolution.

With that said, not everyone prefers novelty to regular partners. Often the sex will improve and even become more adventurous over time with the familiarity and safety.  

I want to thank everyone who took the time to give thoughts and advice. 

I have resisted meeting him so far. He was really persistent for about 5 days but in the last few he hasn't messaged me which has felt like a relief. 

It's been very intense for me, with the fear and confusion about how legal, ethical, or safe it would be. Very much out of my comfort zone. On top of this I now understand that the only reason I was open to this is because how sex-starved I am with from the isolation.  It's sobering how vulnerable to this proposition I've found myself.

I spent the last session with my therapist discussing it and she was really supportive and didn't think it would be wrong or legally ambiguous, but then again she's not a lawyer. I think I'll get a legal opinion for piece of mind even if I never actually meet him. At least would get an answer. 

The guy doesn't have any ID to show me (no driver's learning permit or license), only a high school ID which has no age on it, only the school year-grade. 

As all of this is new to me, since I've always avoided guys near the age if consent, it's so weird that there is so much ambiguity of legality where the age of consent is below 18. 

I should just block him and the sooner I forget it, the better. 

Hi all. I don't post much on here but I do read a lot. 
 

I'm 42 and started having sex at 22. I have always been interested in sex with guys my age or older. I avoided men younger than me for a few reasons, but when I lived in a college town in the Bay Area 5-12 years ago, I eventually broadened my range to guys up to 13 years younger. These college guys were so confident and assertive that I eventually gave in. Glad I did!

5 years ago I moved to am isolated, rural place for my job. Mainly because of the isolation and small number of possible sex partners, I've had very little sex. The last two years of strict covid shielding due to multiple comorbiditied has meant I've not had sex. I have a strong libido and it definitely has been depressing for me. 

On grindr the closest guys are 10-15 miles away and few of them are into bears. Today I got messaged by a 16 year old who lives a mile away who was really keen to fuck. Initially I said no but then he told me that the age of consent in this state is 16 and that he's turning 17 soon. 

I have never been with a guy younger than 22 and as I've gotten older my age limit keeps moving up with me because of maturity issues, even just friendship. 

I am only interested in sex, and the mutual sexual attraction seems strong but I have a lot of concerns. He is either pretty inexperienced or is actually a virgin and while I know that is a turn-on to some, I feel weird about that. 

I never thought I'd be considering hooking up with a guy this age, but I would really like to have a regular fuck buddy and he does too. I worry about someone this age making an unhealthy attachment. The most I can offer is a being a sex buddy. How do I assure myself that he is mature enough to understand what heathy boundaries are? I don't want him to get hurt.

Even after 5 years, small-town, rural life is really foreign to me and it presents a host of concerns around privacy that weren't a worries in large cities. 

What if his parents have a way to geolocate his phone? 

We'd have to have sex in some wooded area because I don't feel comfortable having him over.

I never thought I'd be considering this. Any advice is welcome. If he really is a virgin, I want it to be a good experience for him. 

On 3/8/2022 at 8:52 PM, DarkroomTaker said:

No still means no, its not about age or being beautiful. No is No.

I had a bloke who followed me around and everytime I got with someone he intervened and moreorless got rid of the person.

Despite polite requests from me, he continued to harass me.

Final straw was when he grabbed me again and scratched my inner thigh and groin to the extent of blood that I snapped, this bloke used to sharpen his nails into pointed nails.

I reported him to the management, showed my ripped skin, he was asked to leave and signs were put up that No means No.

How awful. I'm glad it at least resulted in a positive change at least. 

I see and hope for a future where human hierarchies are greatly reduced, where conventional ideas of attractiveness are far more nuanced and complex.  

Personally I avoid anyone over 8 because the odds are too high they're either too vain or too privileged for my taste. Also if their social media is made up of 30+% selfies, it's a no. 

15 hours ago, BareLover666 said:

That's a terrible thing what happened to you. Especially after already having PTSD by the therapist you saw for help.

This is a website not about rape, but for people interested into bareback sex.

I am touched by your comments as well as those of @Eroswired and @hntnhole, thank you. 

I should be more specific, the specific part that my brain eroticised initially  was that I was being barebacked without my consent, not rape as such. It's weird. Perhaps as I once heard said, my brain decided that eroticising it was a way of reclaiming power.  His forcing me to go bareback was a much greater violation, especially because of HIV fears (it was in 2001 and I had only recently lost my virginity). 

It was my first time going bare and I was very careful about condoms up until that point. I had a hard time being consistent with condoms after that.  

I buried and blocked the rape for a few years until I was reading a profile of a top on Gay.com a few years later. He said something like "I only fuck bare, whether you want it or not". I was shocked that this turned me on, but it really did.

I had a lot of risky sex after, but I know that if I had not been raped, I wouldn't have ever gone bare until the age of PrEP. 

When I had limited experience with guys, I saw a sleep therapist for treatment via hypnosis for chronic insomnia brought on by PTSD. He took advantage and forced me to have unprotected anal sex while I was hypnotised. It was in front of a mirror too. I remember being hyper aware of what was happening but being totally unable to control what was happening. 

20 years on I'm still unpacking this experience. It was traumatic and I blocked the experience for a few years.

Vexingly, I found out that it somehow as a result my brain eroticised how my choice had been taken away. This felt like insult to injury, and I tried to ignore it. Over the years I have come to accept it, and that's actually what brought me this site. I don't condone non-consensual sex in real life, but I no longer feel guilty for getting off on having consent taken away from me  

I had a close friend to whom I disclosed I was raped via hypnosis and he didn't believe me. It really sucks when people don't believe you in this way.