srb4887

I'm in Escondido

I started meeting guys from online when I was 16. There was a divorced bi guy who was like 49 who I would blow and then he'd want to ride my cock and sometimes he'd just slide on bare. He was pretty paranoid about STDs but I guess he figured it was pretty safe given how young I was. He didn't let me cum in him though. Around the same time, a 28 year old took my cherry making my first time getting fucked, getting fucked raw and bred. So, from the beginning, I was in the mode that the other guy should call the shots. I've rarely told a guy that he should wear a condom, only if I was pretty sure he was poz... and sometimes when I knew the guy was poz I still let him bareback me but I'd just insist he didn't cum inside me. And now I've found a boyfriend who is 23 years older than me (right now twice my age) who has never (or practically never) used condoms. Even though he doesn't want me taking other guys cocks or cum, it's still satisfying to take his. And he started having sex when he was in his young teens so I assume the naturalness of bareback was the factor for him as well.

Meh, that's just as small of a determent for me as HIV is for barebacking.

Personally, I don't really get it. I would never want to drastically modify my body. I also don't think I could trust anyone enough to do something so irreversible and have them still stay with me. I would legitimately consider castration if my bf wanted it but he loves edging me and controlling my cumming so I think it's next to impossible that he'd want it done. And I really like my balls... the way they look, feel, hang,.... This is kind of lost on me. I'm not judging those to choose it, but I just can't relate. It's similar to trans persons, I've never had those feelings and, frankly, it's a little hard for me to really empathize with them. Though, I do have a curiosity. I'm a fan of Dennis Cooper and of reading about all the darker sides of sexuality. A part of me is scared that I might let someone do something like castrate me... or kill me. But my self esteem is generally shitty.

What do you crave most? Cock or loads deep in you? I love cocks. But not all cocks are hot. I still crave the cum that all men can give me, but I don't always crave their cocks themselves. I'd nurse on a beautiful thick cock even if I knew I could never get any cum out of it... not ideal, but I'd do it. Do you ever feel satisfied or are the cravings insatiable? Pretty insatiable. Once my hole is opened up, I can go until all the tops are finished with me. If I'm gangbanged in the morning, I'm looking for more cocks later in the day. How many loads does it take to turn you into an “any cock, any hole, any load” guy? I'm always conscious of not wanting to become poz. I've knowingly let poz guys bareback me and I've knowingly swallowed poz loads. I've probably taken poz loads in my hole. I've let a guy arrange gangbangs for me and have just hoped that he was looking out for me like he said. The last time, there was a guy I thought looked poz but I let him breed me anyway. It takes me a long time to speak up for myself if I do at all. I really want to just be used by men how they see fit but my health is something I need to look out for. How old were you when you first realized it was about your hole/pussy/cunt and not your cock? Was it innate and there from the beginning or did you learn it over time? 16. I didn't initially like getting fucked but my first time the guy bred my hole. I instantly loved sucking cock and swallowing loads but it took a bit longer for me to really get into getting fucked. I never really liked guys sucking me and I've never really liked topping. My bf is the only guy I have enjoyed topping... but he's the most compatible person I've ever met and everything is hot to do with him. Most guys want me to top and want to suck my cock but I just can't really get it up for most guys. I just want my hole fucked and my throat fucked. Luckily, a lot of guys seem to think I look really innocent or something and even the super cautious who ask over and over and over if I'm clean want to breed me. The hottest opening line I ever heard was, “I don’t care about my cock.” Do you even think about cumming? Do you have a need to? I don't care about my cock when I'm with guys. Most of my sexual encounters did not involve me cumming or even touching my cock. I'd rather just get fucked over and over and over. When you are home alone, do you play with your hole or your dick? I jack my cock. I play with my hole sometimes but I'm not that into toys or fingers. I want cocks or hands in me. Are you afraid of how deep your cravings are and the levels you will submit to in an effort to satisfy them? Sometimes I'm afraid I'll go to the local leather bar and knowingly let poz guys breed me out on the patio. When I went to NOLA for Mardi Gras, I was sucking off a bunch of guys I was moved to the pool table and a guy was trying to get access to my ass to fuck me bare. If my then bf hadn't been there, then I'm pretty sure I'd have just let everyone there who wanted to to drop a load in me. I also think about getting fucked by dogs. My current bf isn't too keen about me fucking other guys (we're long distance right now)... but he is excited about the idea of filling me up with doggie cock and cum. Do you tell your friends about your cumdump desires or are those separate and secret? I tell some of them, the ones I'm sexual with or who like to discuss those topics. What would you choose…sucking a hot guy’s huge dick or taking a taking a heavy-set Daddy’s load up your ass? The instant gratification part of me wants the load up my ass... to finger myself to get the cum to taste. But I'd love to spend a long time sucking a hot guy's huge cock. Anonymous sesssions or do you prefer to see who is fucking you? I prefer to see them if I like them but I tend to not like most people (well, I do physically. The more I know about them the less attractive they can become) so anonymous works well for me. Lots of nice cocks belong to guys I would not want to look at. Is there anything more important to you than taking loads? Film. Without my passion for film, I might just kill myself... or just let some guy whore me out 24/7 until I'm too old for anyone to want and then let someone do a snuff film with me (yes, I read Dennis Cooper books). I plan to write some legit films dealing with the bareback/load obsession, maybe something inspired by John Rechy's Numbers. Being used relaxes me and calms me, probably the closest thing to religion I can believe in... but it isn't my life force and it doesn't really leave any permanence (STDs aside).

Yesterday morning, an old fuck buddy I hadn't seen for a while bred my ass a few times and invited a couple of other guys over to breed me as well. It was a short notice hookup. Hopefully next time he can get together a lot more cocks for me.

I was 16 when I took my first load. It was the first time I bottomed. By 17 or 18, I got gang banged bareback for the first time by a group of middle aged men. I'm 23 now, about have just set up another bareback gang bang by the same guy for Monday. I hope he gets a big group together.