Are you Shy?

[HungLatinDom]

I am.

Despite all what I fuck, despite being really open online, I am just a shy nerd. I love gay sex because I do not need to have a silver tongue to get laid. I do not need to be super sociable either, the guys just show up and I fuck them.

When I meet people that I have known online, it's not that difficult to talk, but when I need to talk and relate to total strangers, it becomes really hard to do it. It got better when I was in college, it got worse now. I am grateful to have wonderful friends who I can trust and sex partners that I do not need to talk a lot, except when they become my friends. But when that happens, some basic trust is there.

Do you have the same issue? It's easier for you to get laid than to start a conversation?

[grep]

Absolutely ... I'm not horribly introverted, but definitely groups and such are hard. Yet, I so love being the dominant top in bed ... its an odd mix to be sure. Mercifully guys seem to like the cock so ... lol

[PhoenixGeoff]

Yup, absolutely. I do best in situations where there's a structure I can follow and an expected outcome. That's why I liked gay bars in the '90s but not so much now. When cruising was done in person, there was a set of rules to follow to get to what you wanted. Hell, you could flag your interests if you were in the leather scene. And I almost never approached anyone I was interested in, but signaled my interest through eye contact and waited for them to make the first move. Now that cruising's moved online, the bars tend to be much more of a freeform social venue. Much harder for me to navigate.

It takes me a while to open up to other people. Generally, that's something that needs to be done one-on-one or perhaps with a couple. I find groups of three or more very intimidating, especially if I don't know any of them. I think that has a lot to do with why I like anonymous sex so much. I get what I want without having to go through the ordeal of all of the other social interaction. I even find maintaining the acquaintances that I do have in the bars to be exhausting. I'm much more inclined towards having just a few pretty deep friendships. But mostly, I'm at my most comfortable where I can be self-reliant as much as possible.

[Pig Bottom]

I'm shy to approach people but if they speak to me first I'm happy to talk to them and not shy once the ice is broken. I"m shy about public speaking and speaking in groups with everyone looking at me.

I have a standard conversation starter in Florida, which is to ask where people are from originally, most of them, especially the gay guys are from some other state.

That's why I like to play in dark rooms, mostly bent over waiting for guys, you don't have to talk to them. I'm shy to approach people too.

I tried to meet someone online just as friends to go out to a bar, but he flaked out on me 2 hours before we were supposed to meet, so fuck him.

Two weeks ago I did talk to someone at a bar, I wasn't looking to hook up, but he was cute and I heard some other guy talk to him and he was from Long Island and I was from the northeast. Then I saw he didn't like his blue LI Iced tea, and he ordered a different one, so I asked him if he didn't like it and he said it was too sweet. We spoke a little but either he was shy or dopey. After an awkward silence he says to me "people watching is fun" so I said, yeah, then I was done with my drink, said nice meeting you and left.

There was another guy at Slammers that I met through the bartender. He was a little weird but nice, I think we spoke for an hour or more. He kept saying...can I tell you something that might upset you...then he said I was too hard on myself and that I should have a man. I think he was a little drunk too, but he was sweet and nice to talk to.

I have a good friend and I don't know what his deal is or if it's only with me, but he's very quiet and we have some long silences at times. He went to the boat show and all he said was it was good, so I asked a few more questions about it, but he doesn't really talk that much, On the phone he's horrible, so I just chat real quick and move on when I call him.

I was very shy as a kid, but as I got older I grew out of it.

Edited February 28, 2012 by Pig Bottom

[pulszer]

I find it very easy to talk to people in bars and in most social situations.

Its small talk at work that I sometimes slip up on. That and pregnant women. They're my nemesis.

[evilqueerpig]

I also tend to be shy when first meeting new people, but it's not long before my inner SLUT emerges.....shyness can be an asset.

[calrockxxx]

I thought shyness was now classified as an anxiety disorder. Don't they have meds for that?

I think it helps to have a system for picking guys up. I have three questions I ask to see if they meet my basic criteria. When it comes to sex I'm not shy at all. If I tell a guy I want to fuck him and he says no, there's always someone else. And I've only wasted the time it takes to ask three questions. But it took a while to get comfortable being direct.

I used to be really shy about hitting on guys who I thought were super hot, or guys who were younger than me, thinking they would look down on me. And I wasn't really into most of the guys who hit on me in bars. Then I had a really hot 20-year-old muscle kid pick me up at a sex party and it completely changed the way I looked at myself.

I had a bit of a complex about how I looked for a long time. I hated my clothes, I hated my hair, I hated my body. So I hid. But then I started paying attention to the times that people complimented me. Huh, people tell me I have beautiful eyes when I'm wearing blue. That black jock strap really got me lots of action. Guys I find hot really like the beard. My piercer told me "you have a really nice dick, and I see lots of dick."

Listening to the good things people said really helped me get out of my shell.

[Pig Bottom]

I I have three questions I ask to see if they meet my basic criteria.

Which are?

[Freddiboi]

That's my problem! I have always been so shy, even more so in groups. Needless to say I have never been able to get into a group thing, and have always wondered what I am missing out on.

[Freddiboi]

Calrockxxx, your piercer is right!

[lower_bucks_bottom]

To return to the original question; painfully so.

[Belfast-Bottom]

I was painfully shy as a child and into my twenties. I think a lot of gay people grow up with a degree of social unease - as almost all of us are obliged to conceal our true selves from most people ( certainly while growing up ). I had a hyper critical mother who criticized almost EVERY thing I ever did or said, so I had no confidence in my ability to hold a conversation. It has become less of an issue as I've become older. I've realized that other people's approval doesn't really matter to me anymore. While there are advantages to being popular, I'm not willing to put myself out or compromise my principles to become popular. Hitler and Mussolini were adored by millions. That says nothing about their worth as people.

I'm polite to people. I have a sense of humour and a fund of anecdotes that keep a conversation interesting, but if people don't like me, it's their loss. I don't kiss ass - except during sex ;-)

[Bear4Breeding]

I was always kind of shy particularlly around people I didn't know, once I got to know you I was fine and would talk your ear off.

Now that I am in my 40's and well got screwed over a few times by people I thought were good friends, I have pretty much become an introvert. I don't really socialize other then with the people I work with, but that's only at work. I was never good in the bar scene even when I was 21, I was always the guy peeling the label off my beer bottle sitting at the bar, unless I went out with someone.

I am not bitching or complaining or anything just stating the facts as they relate to this post.

Have a Great >insert time of day here<!! )

Edited February 28, 2012 by Bear4Breeding

[Pig Bottom]

Now that I am in my 40's and well got screwed over a few times by people I thought were good friends, I have pretty much become an introvert.

I hear you, it's easier to make friends when you are younger. In your 40's when you have more to offer as a friend people will be your friend until a better deal comes along. What I hope it to find a friend that is as considerate as I try to be. I thought I had a friend when I moved to Florida. Turns out he had a lot of friends and wants people to be his friend and take him out, but he doesn't make an effort to be yours.

I also have a good friend who is pulling away from me and doesn't want to hang out as much, I'm gonna have to ask him why. He is a really good guy, but I see his bad parts too. even after he got a boyfriend he made time for me, but now I'm lucky if I see him twice a month.

But it's not gonna sour me, I'm gonna go out there are look for other friends. I did the whole introvert thing in my 30s, that's why I'm in south Florida now where I can meet other gay friends.

[Totop]

Do you have the same issue? It's easier for you to get laid than to start a conversation?

yes and yes.