Weighing My Options

[PlayClay2012]

All of a sudden all I can think about day and night is getting as many raw loads in my as possible from as many guys as possible.

Despite the fact that I have a loving and stable (and non sexually adventurous) boyfriend of 5 years at home.

I cheat on him regularly but I try to keep it as safe as possible, but I'm starting to lose my grip on my self control. I've been sucking off guys, any guys, whenever I can and drinking their loads, every single drop. I'm desperate to get fucked constantly and have loads in me all day. I love the thrill of not knowing if a guy in poz, even though I actively don't want HIV.

I desperately want to get high all the time. I've yet to try T or X but I would in a second. Even heroin or coke, I really don't care.

Should I give in? Is life worth living if I dont? Or should I try and find some help?

Young guy here. I have a bright future ahead, I know a do... but that feeling when you're high and a load is finally shot into you... that little vibration in your ass... there's nothing in the world like it. Nothing.

Edited May 3, 2012 by PlayClay2012

[cam1972]

Is life worth living if you don't give in? Hell yeah. Life is always worth living. You say you have a bright future ahead. Sounds like you think it's worth living too. Weigh the pros and cons, like your title says. By giving in, you'll gain sensations but may be giving up things that are more important. Sex and drugs aren't everything. Sex is awesome, but that's not all there is to life. Don't rush into your decision. You have your whole life ahead of you. Be sure the risk is worth what you may be giving up.

[Fucksurrey]

I went through exact same thing couple of years back - everything u mention. Started doing bb with all guys, getting high and playing around. Decided that I needed to give in and live it up and don't fuckin regret anything. Love to know where u go from this - I have had some amazing sessions over last couple of years.

[TastyTannedCock]

Keep fucking BB and enjoy it.

[GermanFucker]

First of all: It sounds more like an erotic fantasy than a real dilemma you're facing right now. But if it is:

Ask yourself: What feels right (not just good) for you and what will you regret later? It doesn't matter if you'll be a junkie who regrets not having become a doctor or a doctor who'd rather have been a junkie. It's your life to cherish or use to the extreme. It also means being honest about you're choices and letting e.g. your boyfriend decide if he wants to go along or if that way is not for him.

Just don't be an asshole.

[bb1991]

Please think about your boyfriend

If you want to go cheating on him and fucking bareback - make sure you use condoms with him

Its not fair on him when you give him something nasty

[Guest MightyMouth]

You're asking for trouble. When you get HIV or Hep C and you pass it on to somebody you love who doesn't want it and didn't do anything to get it, if you have a conscious you'll feel like shit about your self and you'll probably lose your relationship. Think it through. It's fine if you want to take the loads and are okay with the risk but he either needs to be part of the conversation or you need to cut him lose. Just my two cents.

[bb1991]

You're asking for trouble. When you get HIV or Hep C and you pass it on to somebody you love who doesn't want it and didn't do anything to get it, if you have a conscious you'll feel like shit about your self and you'll probably lose your relationship. Think it through. It's fine if you want to take the loads and are okay with the risk but he either needs to be part of the conversation or you need to cut him lose. Just my two cents.

Couldn't agree more.

You have to consider your other half - if your having unprotected sex is WHEN not IF you get something - and it's not fair to him if you pass it onto him.

You also put yourself legally at risk if you give him something without telling him what you've been up to.

If you really want to go down this route - you need to talk to your BF first

[bigdick4you]

Sounds like ur suffering from depression... My advise to u would be to consider not only what u do to yourself... But also to your bf...have been there myself...didn't care about myself and didn't care about others... Have learned hard lessons this way... Hope this won't happen to you... Am now much happier but have learned my lesson...

[PhoenixGeoff]

I'd sit back and look seriously at why you want to have sex and why you want to try these pretty hard drugs.

People in stable, dare I say conservative situations, with a good partner, nice living arrangements, decent job (or at least job prospects) might often find themselves asking if they aren't missing out on life by not living a life of sex, drugs and rock and roll. They might look at some of the people posting here about their sexual escapades (some of them drug-fueled) and wonder if they aren't perhaps missing out on something important.

What this is, I think, is an expression of the old adage, "the grass is always greener on the other side." It appears to be a commonality among all people that, no matter what our resources, our desires will always outstrip our abilities. There's always the feeling that we're somehow missing out, that perhaps giving in to this one desire will make us happy (and then the next, and then the next). I can assure you that there are plenty of people who have the fast life you seem to admire who might very well envy you the position that you have now.

Perhaps I'm becoming a bit of an Epicurean (in the classical, not the modern sense) in my old age, but it seems to me that the fleeting pleasures you are considering chasing will only bring happiness that you can lose in the fullness of time. Right now, it's the novelty that appeals, underneath whatever actual pleasures there may be in sex or drugs. But novelty by its very nature cannot last and is the worst possible foundation to build your happiness on.

The question of where to find true and lasting happiness in life is a very old one and one that has never really been answered to anyone's satisfaction. But I think you might benefit from considering the question yourself for a little bit before deciding to act on these impulses.

[bbottom26]

A couple things. First of all, try to stay away from the drugs. I've done most of them (some of them quite a bit) and while I have "grown out of them" so to speak, I've seen a lot of friends destroy their lives very quickly. If you love sex as much is it sounds like you do, then you don't need the drugs to get the sensation!

second, it sounds like you want to start exploring the world of anonymous, dangerous, and yes, thrilling bareback sex with strangers. Let me just point something out: there's a big difference in couples who choose to do this and enjoy doing it and in one man who enjoys doing it. It sounds to me like you want to take this adventure on your own (if not, why not talk to your boyfriend about it and see if he wants to participate). If I'm right that you are most intrigued by the idea of venturing into the world of bare anon sex on your own, then I agree with above posters that you need to protect your boyfriend from anything that you may contract (either use condoms with him or break up). It's perfectly fine if you want to explore your slutty side, it can be a lot of fun! But it would be wrong to pass on STD's and the like to your unaware boyfriend.

[AlwaysOpen]

Hey man- you and your boyfriend have 5 years of history, shared experiences to live off from. If you get banged up and either infect him too, or he cannot stand who/what you have become, you will lose those 5 years- and the good memories- forever. He will not be there for you, you will always have that gap in your life line. Wild sex is alluring, but as one who has been single for 12 years- there is damn little of the last 12 years that I have any connection to. Lots of anon sex, some very wild action- but no real life person to sit with and recall it with. I had a 19 year relationship, and almost every day I think of something the 2 of us experienced as a pair, and wish like all hell I could pick up a phone and ask him a question about the details. I have posted about him b4 in other forums- but I got diagnosed poz in 87, and he stayed by me. In 96, he was diagnosed with cancer and passed 11 years later from it- and along the way we split so he could be with a new lover who "got " him- looking back I suspect the new lover was a ploy to push me away from the ugly of the last years of his cancer.

Sex is great, but love is the real glue in life. Sounds like you need to address your self love issue first, and then the love with the boyfriend. And maybe he will become more sexual with you as you get loving yourself; and him, more

[breedmeup]

Hey man- you and your boyfriend have 5 years of history, shared experiences to live off from. If you get banged up and either infect him too, or he cannot stand who/what you have become, you will lose those 5 years- and the good memories- forever. He will not be there for you, you will always have that gap in your life line. Wild sex is alluring, but as one who has been single for 12 years- there is damn little of the last 12 years that I have any connection to. Lots of anon sex, some very wild action- but no real life person to sit with and recall it with. I had a 19 year relationship, and almost every day I think of something the 2 of us experienced as a pair, and wish like all hell I could pick up a phone and ask him a question about the details. I have posted about him b4 in other forums- but I got diagnosed poz in 87, and he stayed by me. In 96, he was diagnosed with cancer and passed 11 years later from it- and along the way we split so he could be with a new lover who "got " him- looking back I suspect the new lover was a ploy to push me away from the ugly of the last years of his cancer.

Sex is great, but love is the real glue in life. Sounds like you need to address your self love issue first, and then the love with the boyfriend. And maybe he will become more sexual with you as you get loving yourself; and him, more

So true, well stated!

[einathens]

you can't have it both ways. is the thrill of the (alone) unknown better worth more than the (sometimes dull) comfort of the familiar routine? first you need to be honest with yourself, and then you need to be honest with your lover.

[cam1972]

Hey man- you and your boyfriend have 5 years of history, shared experiences to live off from. If you get banged up and either infect him too, or he cannot stand who/what you have become, you will lose those 5 years- and the good memories- forever. He will not be there for you, you will always have that gap in your life line. Wild sex is alluring, but as one who has been single for 12 years- there is damn little of the last 12 years that I have any connection to. Lots of anon sex, some very wild action- but no real life person to sit with and recall it with. I had a 19 year relationship, and almost every day I think of something the 2 of us experienced as a pair, and wish like all hell I could pick up a phone and ask him a question about the details. I have posted about him b4 in other forums- but I got diagnosed poz in 87, and he stayed by me. In 96, he was diagnosed with cancer and passed 11 years later from it- and along the way we split so he could be with a new lover who "got " him- looking back I suspect the new lover was a ploy to push me away from the ugly of the last years of his cancer.

Sex is great, but love is the real glue in life. Sounds like you need to address your self love issue first, and then the love with the boyfriend. And maybe he will become more sexual with you as you get loving yourself; and him, more

I agree with breedmeup. So well stated. Not to mention, made me cry a little. I couldn't agree more. I would much rather be in a loving, caring relationship than having random sex. It may seem like one is missing out on a lot of fun being in a monogamous relationship, but having someone to share life with is so much better. I've been single for six years, and although I'm just getting ready to turn 40, I wish I had that companionship.

Think about this, PlayClay.. You are young and you could probably find sex wherever and with whomever you wanted. But one day (quicker than you can even imagine it can happen) you won't be young anymore and it won't be so easy to find someone who wants to have sex with you, let alone a relationship. And if, during the course of having tons of bareback sex with different guys, you end up with HIV or anything else, it will make it that much more difficult to find someone who wants to be with you.

As far as your current boyfriend, if you are going to continue to sleep around, you need to tell him. Do the right thing.

It's a decision you have to make yourself as to what you want to do, but don't do it without thinking everything (EVERYTHING) through. You only get one chance at life. Living it up doesn't mean that it will be a better life. Living that life sometimes has a way of biting you in the ass. And not in a good way.