Honest discussion about poz health

[v1rg1n1]

I was diagnosed with AIDS in Dec 2007 when I fell horribly sick. I say AIDS, as my CD4 when I was admitted to the hospital was 72. Year 2007 was particularly horrid, with double shingles infection, a single bout of UTI, weight loss, tiredness etc. Just before being admitted to hospital, I was suffering from really bad pneumonia....and my GP who treated me asked me seriously, have you ever had a HIV test, I said, no, and she urged me to. I took the test, but still bunged off the hospital, because of my condition.

At the hospital, my presiding physician came to see me and told me THE NEWS. I was actually in hospital for PCP and TB, 2 very typical Opportunistic Infections for AIDS patients.

was in hospital for 10 days, of which on the day 3, I was rolled urgently into High Care, because of my lungs filling up with water, and I was literally drowning... on massive diuretic treatment, I came right 2 days later and was moved back to a regular ward.

Moving on, I was not allowed to be on ARVs until my treatment of TB is over and that took another 1 month or so. But gradually, I got better, gained the weight loss, my CD4s are raising and my VL coming down. And today, I'm in good health, with a touch of a cholesterol issue.

From 2 a day ARV to 1 a day, makes live much easier.

On an emotional level, when I was told at the hospital of my HIV status, to be honest, I didn't feel much, but I do remember, relief is one of them. Yes, Relief.

Relief that the truth is finally out. I was sorta living in denial of my status, a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I am poz. My current partner was with me when I was admitted into hospital on that faithful day. I really am blessed that he decided to stick by me.

Sex wise, I haven't really seen any change, I am still a slut, and play on the sly still.

So all in all, no change, except my phone buzzes me at 9pm every night to take my ARV, life goes on!

[JerryGumby]

For me -the worst thing about turning poz was, in my opinon, its unnecessary end of my military flying career. As soon as I turned up poz when the military started testing EVERYONE in the late 80's I was immediately grounded and spent the next 5 years at a desk job fighting the system to change this... I was perfectly healthy and no "medical" reason for me not to be flying. Many additonal tests showed no problems but bottom line it was not a medical decision it was a political one and I was not going to win. After fighting for 5 years I got so depressed from the roller coaster ride I was finally medically retired..... and moved on to other things. i have yet to have a single direct problem related to hiv - though my T cells and viral load numbers were certainly going in the wrong direction. Side effects from meds were another story. At one time I was on 37 pills a day but the choice seemed to be side effects or death and I chose to live! - now a days I'm on 4 meds, 4-5 pills a day and no noticable side effects, been undetectable for 10-15 years. Took me 10 years to get over the depression but now think its old age that's going to get me. I've most always played very safe -but have made the decision to BB - mostly to make up for the lack of intimacy which I miss VERY MUCH. I read many posts on here and try to wrap my head around truely being comfortable with having intimate sex again but it is not easy. I feel it is not HIV I fear anymore its all the other stuff. Do I just want to have some fun before I pass on or not and maybe pass on a lot later but more lonely and unfulfilled (in more ways than one). BB sex is a great fantasy for me but each time I actually do it there always seems to be some regret or guilt I deal with for months after. I love the acts of sex but miss the acts of love - maybe I'm a romatic but I do. I think the anxioty of worrying about converting is over but there is a lot of other stuff to deal with. Do I wish it didn't happen? honestly not sure. I just do my best to live with it not die from it. Life and learning continues.

[Bbikercub]

@jerry, why do you think you can't have love and intimacy?

[rawTOP]

Next year I could be homeless.

Unless my business takes a serious nose dive, you won't be homeless... I'll make sure you have enough income to avoid that...

[rawTOP]

When I was first diagnosed my viral load was 5647 and my cd4 was 794 two years later and no meds and my viral load was at 500 and my cd4 was at 1381. I am wondering has anyone else experienced this? My Dr tells me I am his best patient (number wise) and he does seem a little surprised by my results. He has mentioned to me about the " hit hard and hit early" theory but with my numbers he is still not recommending meds.

Sounds like you're an "HIV controller" - someone who's not immune, but once infected your body has the ability to keep HIV in check for quite a while (though probably not forever). Still, being an HIV controller is a very good thing...

[Hornyone]

Sounds like you're an "HIV controller" - someone who's not immune, but once infected your body has the ability to keep HIV in check for quite a while (though probably not forever). Still, being an HIV controller is a very good thing...

Hey thanks for that info, I looked up "HIV controller" and found some interesting reading. I have never heard that term before, I actually found a study that I may enrol in. Of course now I have to do some research on what the effects of barebacking are, if you are a HIV controller.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Man guys, THANK YOU! What an excellent thread so far. Informative, honest, thought provoking. For sure I will continue my course of enjoying bare sex - is all I've ever done and I'm no spring chicken. I've been grappling with the idea of using techniques to increase odds of conversion. This thread has me rethinking that. So it could not have been a more timely thread for me.

I wish all of my fellow bare brothers the best. Thanks again!

[TigerMilner]

I've gotten personal emails as well as messages thru my blog in support of my frankness about how sick I have been since sero-converting last spring. I was truly moved. I thought I would say thanks and let you guys know that I think I may have passed that magical threshold of misery that was required for my induction into this new underground club. I mean, I have felt much better for about 7-8 days now. Not 100%, but in comparison, great. I even did a spin class at my gym today and made it to the end. I haven't had the energy to do that in months! My ID doctor said I should stick it out with the meds and that it could take 6-12 months for my body to adjust. The "adjustment" period has been very hard, but we dropped the Isentriss since my VL has remained Undetectable for 6 months now. Now I just take the one pill a day Complera. I think that was the problem, the combination of the two was doing strange things to my systems. Yes, it is one pill a day, but don't forget, it's still a 3 medicine cocktail. Isentriss is 2 pills a day, and it too is a 3 medicine cocktail. So I was taking 6 in reality and they didn't go well together. At least not for me. Though they did their job, so I should just be greatful I guess. I can be such a whiny little bitch sometimes.

I am noticing my legs are starting to get that shredded "veiny" look that we get. And I am down more than 18 lbs total. But I think that is kind hot looking. I even lost a pound over the holidays. That is a first. Thankfully the fat re-distribution issue is not as common as before. I'm getting so thin that there is not enough fat to redistribute anyway. Not to go on, but my point is, I think I'm going to be OK.

Someone thanked me for taking up the cause of telling it like it is, but I have to say I am not taking up any cause here. An honest opinion was asked for and that is what I gave. Personally, I'd rather live in a world without HIV and take all the loads I can get, but I don't. I live in this world. And I am going to make the most of it. I intend to have a damn good time doing it! Fuck Anemia.

Today I felt so much like my old self that I answered a CL post for a 27 year old latin bottom in a sling. Sometimes I like to fuck. Today was one of those days. I fucked the hell out of him! I get such a kick out of it when my Versatile side comes to the surface. Anyway, thanks for caring.

Edited January 8, 2013 by TigerMilner

[RawLeather]

I too have been in your shoes. I was on the edge of leaving this life, but with the right meds and medical advancements i am here today and am enjoying every day!!!! We cannot regret our past and what came with it, but we can live a full and happy life to the fullest with this disease called HIV/AIDS

[bearbandit]

For TigerMilner and anyone else taking it, Isentriss is known to contribute to low moods, which is why, in the UK at least, it's considered a second line drug. But if you get the low moods and can get past them, it's bloody brilliant. It may be the low mood effect, it may not, but I've made several phychological breakthroughs on topics which were really screwing my head, both with and without my therapist. I can already feel me next session starting with the words "shaddup you...." ;-)

[TigerMilner]

My Immunologist recommended Isentriss for it's ability to lower the VL to undetectable really fast. And it did in 30 days. I originally was to drop it at that point. I did for the next 30 days, and my viral load came back up to a mere 301, but I wanted it undetectable. I chose to go back on it. I want to beat the fuck out of this thing. I'm doing new bloodwork tommorrow, and I am hopeful that I will still be undetectable. I am really hoping at this point that the Complera can hold it in check. I will let you guys know when the numbers come back in . Bearbandit, you are awesome. And RawL, good to hear, and your ass looks amazing! Thanks.

[bearbandit]

Thank you Tiger - if only you'd said that after cumming ;-)

I can't emphasise enough the importance of doing your own research: the soporific effect of raltegravir/Isentriss had passed me by until this discussion. Now I know why I need a couple of hours on the settee after I've taken it. Since it's a twice a day drug, I'll move it to the middle and end of day spots.

What really gets me about this thread is how we're all talking about how to live with/despite the bug: we're all coming from an attitude of "I'm gonna get through this" Fuckin excellent!

I can't remember who said it, but you'll still find me coming to clinic on a walkingstick (which those who know I'm a pagan have renamed my broomstick). I'll also be wearing near full bike leathers: one, it's fucking cold here and two, they make me feel good.

[sparkylad]

Well i can only say that since becoming poz i have had nothing but problems,i was terribly ill from sero conversion for 5 weeks then after 5 months my viral load shot up and i ended up in hospital for 2 weeks with various internal organ inflammation and external joint inflammation,after going on meds and having an undetectable VL i now get terrible stomach pains,joint pains,sick itching and fatigue,i have recently started getting loss of sensation in my fingers and feet along with weight gain,i have been poz 3 years and prior to that was fit and active and never had any health issues and despite repeated complaining to my doctor he insists its neither the meds or hiv which is causing it although he cannot say what it is either so i remain convinced it is related as i know my own body and health history and there has only been one big health change.

[JoshLandaleXXX]

Tested poz on September 21st 2011, and over the course of the next 12 months my CD4 went from 971 down to 407, and my VL from 105K to 1.7 million. During that time, i noticed my energy levels were exceptionally low, i felt constantly fatigued, work was a bind and i let my social life slide because I just couldn't be bothered to go out, instead choosing to sleep on my days off.

I opted to start meds in November 2012, and was put on Sustiva and Truvada, with a view to going onto Atripla in a few months time.

I used to take the meds between 9pm and 11pm, but the spaced out, trippy effects of the Sustiva left me unable to work properly, it also impacted on my personal and social life - I was unable to go for meals out, as I would feel really ill. So just before Christmas i opted to take them just before I go to sleep. Which means that now I can go for meals out, have a few beers after work etc, and continue living a usual life. I only have to remember to pop 4 pills just before my head hits the pillow. Now the only side effect of the meds is really vivid dreams - but to be honest, these are kinda cool.

I don't know what my current levels are, I get those results a week Tuesday, but I can tell you that my energy levels have rebounded, and I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders - once again I am up for being up all day and night, and catching up with my friends, as well as working 90 hour weeks.

Other than that, and steady weight loss of about 10kgs over the year, there has been no other noticeable effects of being HIV+.

[lukeboybare]

what sort of vivid dreams u having Josh ?