Do I tell him he's hurting me?

[TigerMilner]

I have a regular fuckbuddy who I do not write about nor videotape. We've been fucking for almost five years. He's twenty years younger than I am. I love his huge cock and I guess part of me gets off on having such a hot young jock be into fucking me. If you are over 40, you'll probably understand. He's about my size but alot stronger due to youth and physical work. He gets off on dominating me physically. I do find it hot to wrestle with him and ultimately get pinned then fucked.

This morning I woke up in serious pain from him pressing his weight into me with his knees. I felt a sharp burning pain at the time and I made him get off me. It hurt a lot. My wrists are also sore from him grabbing them and holding them so tight that I could not get free. I should also mention that he was really drunk and it was more intense than usual last night.

My question is: do I risk coming off as a wimp and tell him he is hurting me? I don't want to risk turning him off. What if a guy who can't handle him would be a turn off? Yes, I realize that the age difference is factoring in as well since I don't want to come off as too old for a young stud. On the other hand, he has been coming back regularly for nearly five years.

At least I don't have any visible bruises. Damn I sound pathetic. Reading this back I sound like an abused woman. Damn that is sick. Why can't I give myself the advice I would give any stranger who asked me what to do.

[Blueyedsoul]

Tiger: The fact that this stud keeps coming back after five years is a testament to your prowess and pleasing nature. You obviously have what it takes to keep him on the line for such a long time. Like you, I have a young man who has been coming in and out of my life since he turned 18. He has a bf who can't handle his hung cock so he see's me late nights while his mans at work. He is ultra hung and is quite rough. He loves to put me in every position and fuck me violently. And when I say violently I mean I am sore internally for days to the point of where I usually bleed hours after the encounter. Sometimes this bleeding continues for days at a time. Recently, I just had to tell him that he needed to be much easier with me. I told him that while I was in my twenties and thirties, my body responded differently and that nowadays, it just doesn't. And if I am being really honest here, it really does make normal life a bit more difficult (i.e., bowel movements and stiffness). The end result, he was very apologetic and then when he came over, I could tell he was more concerned about both my pleasure and his while not sacrificing the physicality. A slight modification from violent to physical was all it took. i was able to ride him for almost an hour. For the first time in a long long time, no bleeding, no strenuous bowel movements and no sore back and stiffness. Chances are he will modify things and continue to see you and enjoy. If not, then you may have to re-evaluate your threshold of tolerance. If you can handle the soreness then adjust. In the end, we are always chatting about communications here on this sight. We all know it's the key. Just communicate.

By the way, my young man agreed to filming me getting fucked raw by him. He said he couldn't wait. I will be posting photos soon!

[TigerMilner]

Thanks Blue Eyes, I sort of know the answer in my mind but it's always good to bounce things off others. I have never had the kind of internal problems fortunately. And this guy has an amazing uncut 9" cock and he still fucks like a teenager. I've never been into younger men, but with this guy I've always sort of thought of him as my project. Turning him into an amazing top has kept me interested in him beyond what I normally would have been. At least that is what I tell myself. In reality, I love latin men with big cocks. I usually will not hook up with him when he is drunk. I just don't like men who are drunk. But yesterday I didn't realize til I was at his house that he was already wasted and he continued drinking. That is when things got so rough. I can usually tighten up my abs or whatever and not be hurt but when he jumped on top of me landing on my rib cage with his knees, I just wasn't ready. I can't believe how much it hurts today. Thanks for the kind words.

[Blueyedsoul]

Your welcome. And best of luck. For me, nothing worse than a drunk or high top who can't get it up or control themselves. Ugh.

[FatFuckPigMA]

There is such a thing as being too much of a bottom and you cross the line when you're not enjoying yourself. So tell him. You too have a time tested relationship, I think the chances are good your FB will understand.

[TigerMilner]

I think you nailed it, yet that is why I am confused. Maybe I do enjoy it and won't admit it to myself. I do know I am not enjoying it today. I told him this afternoon that I was really sore from his knees in my ribs last night and he laughed and called me a pussy. I had another last weekend at a sex party who kind of took over me, getting off on deciding who got to fuck me and keeping me from seeing who it was. I got into him but at one point I was sucking his cock, as told, and he started hitting me in the face. After the third punch, I came off his cock, but refusing to tell him what to do or not to do, I simply looked him in the eye in a way that I guess conveyed that it was too much. He simply asked if I was ok, I said yes. He said then get back on my cock. But he never punched me again.

I guess my real question is, do aggressive tops like that want to know your bottom's limits, or does it turn you on to see how much we can take? Does' it turn you off if we draw a line?

Too much of a bottom? I've never been told that. But I suppose it is a distinct possibility. I have always been attracted to men who are bigger and stronger than me.

There is such a thing as being too much of a bottom and you cross the line when you're not enjoying yourself. So tell him. You too have a time tested relationship, I think the chances are good your FB will understand.

[bearbandit]

Been following this with interest as it mirrors a lot of my experience. I think that as we age and cease to be the totally invulnerable brats we were in our twenties we have to acknowledge the fact. Life takes its toll. Saying "Fuck, that hurts" isn't being a wimp - it's being honest. Even if you take HIV out of the equation I could do a hell of a lot more twenty or thirty years ago than I can today. When I look back there are torture scenes I wouldn't have a chance of doing today. For example, clothes peg torture: I used to be able to get well into triple figures and be on the verge of cumming when they were removed. These days, and I don't think it's because I've been ill, I'd say I was doing well to get into triple figures at all.

I've got age related arthritis beginning to show its nasty little head so some positions get painful real fast. So I work around that.

Maybe it's time to start using the traffic lights stop word system. Personally I get a tremor in an arm or leg that's in the same position for too long or taking more weight than it feels it should. I know it's nothing to worry about but he doesn't necessarily know (I once had a guy fuck me so hard that I ended up in a hypo and had to get him to bring me OJ - just one of the joys of diabetes).

But for all these perceived weaknesses never forget the inner strength: you did it. Maybe it cost you a bit more than it would have done five years ago, but you did it. Plus there's all that knowledge (theory/technique) you have.

[TigerMilner]

Wow, BB that is hard core. Thanks for putting some perspective on it. I'm not even sure what some of the things you referred to means, which makes my situation seem much more clear and simple. I've always had this dilemma to some point at every stage of my adult gay sex life because I am attracted to men who tend to be aggressive and who are usually bigger and stronger than I am. I've said before that it goes back to my primal survival instincts and my need for a protector. I need a man to be stronger than me. I just don't need him to hurt me. But any physical activity will lead to injuries so I am simply writing my sore ribs off spending six hours on a big comfy couch and getting manhandled by a hot young jock with a 9" uncut cock. Which I thoroughly and completely enjoyed as he shot two loads of cum into me that evening. I shouldn't be bitching about sore ribs.

[Bear4Breeding]

All I'm gonna say is this. If it Hurts, there is a problem. Pain is the bodies warning system. If something hurts there is generally a problem in that area. The Knee in the chest thing is really bad IMO as he could have broken a rib and punctured your lung. If that had happened the scene would have ended quickly and not in a fun or good way you would have ended up in Hospital due to a collapsed lung.

As others have said, it isn't being weak or a pussy. It just your bodies way of saying Hey, I can't take this anymore make it stop. You need to communicate with this guy and just tell him honestly that you aren't 20 something anymore and you're body not you can't handle some of it the way it once could.

I got fucked the other night and this guy bent me in half, I haven't been bent in halve in over a decade, it wasn't comfortable for me at all, granted my weight doesn't help with it either but I also have arthritis in my lower back which makes getting bent in half rather painful and honestly my body just can't do it anymore.

Be honest with the guy, if he calls you a pussy again well just laugh at it.

[TigerMilner]

I hadn't thought about physical repercussions like you mention. I like to think of myself as fairly fit, so I sort of do go along with some rough housing when it's playful. I've had now three situations since the beginning of the year that left me injured, and yes once I did have to see a doctor. A 6'3" 210 lb guy damn near broke my back. I was folded in half then folded in half again. I never met up with him again. Maybe I'm putting out a vibe that says I need it rough. Not consciously. I have issues.

[Walkerth139]

If a guy I was sucking punched me in the face I would bite his cock off. Sex is supposed to be fun and consensual for everyone involved, if you're not enjoying it then you are being abused. If a top ever mistreated or hurt me he would regret it. Your not a pussy, he's an asshole. The fact that he called you a pussy shows how immature he is, tell him to grow up or get out. A good top would never hurt a submissive bottom unless they had a prior agreement that the bottom was into pain. Respect yourself and tell him the truth, if he can't understand that then cut him loose. There are plenty of other men that would be honored to have a man like you in their beds and lives.

[TigerMilner]

Thanks Walkerth139. Your response kind of turned me on. Makes me feel kind of defended. lol. I have realized today that this seems to be happening to me more lately than before. Has me looking at a lot of things. I hear what you are saying.

Nice pic btw.

[Deaner]

Maybe it's not a bad idea to print out this thread and share it with him. You only live up to being a 'pussy' if you're not being honest with him or not giving the whole story.

While you apparently have some limits on how rough is too rough, there is obviously also a grey area that you don't mind (and perhaps even want) being crossed into once in a while. It would be good for BOTH of you to know and recognize what is too much and should never happen again, what is always okay and enjoyable to you both, as well as what can be fun and exciting from time to time but is neither completely off limits nor part of your regular activities.

Give him the respect of knowing how far he can go (and how often) so that you both enjoy each other, but give yourself the respect of setting up some limits so you don't get hurt. If you're afraid of ruining the 'moment' but know you can at least get through it, make sure you mention after the session that what he did was in the grey area. He may respect you more for soldiering through, but reserve that level for rare occasions. At the same time, let him know when he DOES push your buttons in a good way, so he gets a better idea of what you can handle without treating you like porcelain.

And let him know there's a difference between 'slow down' and 'STOP!'

[Walkerth139]

Thanks, like your pics too. Always happy to defend you!

[pozpig]

Just would like to throw my $.02 in. It's always been my belief that regardless of the scene being played, communication is key. If something is uncomfortable, make it known. Any scene should be pleasurable for all involved, either physically or psychologically. This would also include "fake rape" scenes since those are still consensual to a degree. If the scene being played involves an element of pain that isn't expected its generally a good idea to back off a bit since the last thing you want is to abruptly stop for a call to the emergency room.

As mentioned previously, just because you were capable of something in the past doesn't necessarily mean you maintain the capabilities today. I find there are a number of things I could take in my 20's far better than I can presently. On the other hand, there are things that I can handle much better now that I wasn't able to before. If your partner(s) truly are interested in pleasure, that pleasure should also extend to you. I'd much rather the chance of a repeat performance than a one time deal and have the ability to explore more intense play that requires a level of trust that one generally should not extend to someone they just randomly met.