HIV and Suicide

[fillmyholeftl]

Been meaning to text you...Glad you went. Chat soon.

Just to check in...

Tiger, thanks for the article. I found it pretty uplifting. I hope that I get into the same good spirits as the writer of that article, sooner than later.

Things have been OK. Last Saturday, I had another episode where I went a bit manic, but it was short lived. A friend off here actually helped talk me through it. He knows who he is... Thanks buddy!

I finally got my ass into a support group on Monday. I was able to (finally) get a night off from work and go. I think apart from work, I was nervous about going, though I really had no reason to be. I also didn't really know what to expect. It's pretty much the only support group of its kind in the area and its about 20 minutes from me, so not a horrible travel.

The support group went well. I always get a bit of social anxiety when I go somewhere that I don't know anyone. But these guys were very friendly and more than welcoming to me. So, I felt at home pretty quickly when I got there.

As it turns out, a guy that I remember hooking up with about three years ago was there. I had a fear that that might happen, though I didn't really think that it actually was going to happen! I shook his hand as we introduced ourselves. It's hard to tell whether he remembered me or not. It wasn't a very awkward introduction, so chances are, he may not remember me. Turns out he found out he was poz only a couple of weeks before I did, so he is pretty new to the group also.

The group was about 12 guys sitting in a circle in a room. We went around the room and introduced ourselves and just mentioned our names and how long we've been poz for. I am glad I went, but I didn't find it to be greatly enlightening. I probably felt that way because the main topic of the night was different ways in which we can effectively disclose status to someone whom we are dating or would like to start a relationship with. I am not terribly interested in that right now, in fact, it's probably among the least of my concerns.

I can't help but think that I caught the group on a slow night and other nights probably have more of a break through effect for the guys there. So, I definitely intend on going again, though I don't think I will be there every Monday night.

Therapy is the next step for me, because I think I need to talk to someone where we can hit my issues head on. It's all about finding the right one. There are a TON of LCSW's, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, etc in my area and many of them gay friendly, but I don't know which ones are really good and which ones aren't. When I worked in finance, I had this older woman as a client who was a therapist and she was a TOTAL WHACK JOB. Scatterbrained like I have never seen before. I cannot imagine sitting in a room telling a person like her my issues and relying on her to help me. Makes me think, "damn... they'll let anyone be an LCSW these days huh?" I'm sure I'll find the right one, but it will take a bit of time and research.

[Top-Secret]

Hi Pop! , i really hope that you are alive and doing ok man. I'm sorry that you were going thru it, I encourage you to fight "against" suicide and i'm not trying to downplay anything, because you are going thru something that most can't understand. whatever you do & wherever you are, please stay around people that care about you and always talk to friends . . . . . .i'm still kind of new to this site , and i don't know anybody on here yet, but you can send me a message anytime bro !