asking if you're poz - honest?

[twinkcc]

Thanks guys

I know, it's every time a risk because not everyone is honest or know their status. I don't know my staus too.

It's easy to say I should be carefully, but I like bareback so what else should I do? I'll fuck bareback when it's possible and nothing else...

[PhoenixGeoff]

I know, it's every time a risk because not everyone is honest or know their status. I don't know my staus too.

It's easy to say I should be carefully, but I like bareback so what else should I do? I'll fuck bareback when it's possible and nothing else...

1) Go get tested. Today. And then do it again and again as recommended by your clinic. Know your status and act accordingly.

2) Decide whether or not you can live with HIV. Do some research. Remember, it's nowhere near as bad as it was 20 years ago.

If you decide you cannot live with HIV, then you have to stop barebacking. It's that simple.

Most people with HIV do just fine (albeit with some extra expenses). If your health is generally good, if your medical coverage is good and specialists are available, if prescriptions for HIV meds are relatively affordable in your country, then you might be OK with taking some extra chances.

You need to decide how much risk you can stand.

[seaguy]

I have one word to say about being dishonest; Karma.

[Tom]

Well I think you should. Dont's assume. We're talking about a very deadly disease here. You have an obligation to disclose. Case closed.

[Tom]

I know this is aimed at poz guys and their honesty when trying to get inside a sweet neg hole. As a neg (I think) bottom I have twice lied about my status to poz tops I felt might be reluctant to seed me.

Can I be frank? I think that's wrong. If a poz guy fucked you because you told him you were poz too and you were not and then he causes you to be poz, don't you think that's wrong? Imagine if he found out it was he who madey you poz?

[Tom]

Do you ask the top his status or just wait for him to bring it up? While I realize there's a legal obligation to disclose in some places, personally I don't feel the poz top should be required to bring the topic up. I think the old "assume everyone is poz" is still good advice today. If the neg guy needs to ask.

rawTOP, I totally disagree with you. Your attitude on this is frightening. Okay, so a workman comes to your home and he knows he has TB. He says nothing and you get TB. How would you feel? I know it's not a direct comparison, but sorry, you do have an obligation to disclose. No question about it. You do. You don't feel the poz top should have to bring it up!? Of course he should! You can't assume that the bottom should or will and you cannot assume because he is barebacking he is poz! Did you ever stop to think perhaps he is on something? Or maybe has bi-polar disorder and is not in full control of his mental faculties? The good advice is that people who know their status need to reveal it HONESTLY and those who don't know, need to ask, need to say "I don't know." Then each person is more responsible for his actions.

[rawTOP]

rawTOP, I totally disagree with you. Your attitude on this is frightening. ... You can't assume that the bottom should or will and you cannot assume because he is barebacking he is poz! Did you ever stop to think perhaps he is on something? Or maybe has bi-polar disorder and is not in full control of his mental faculties? The good advice is that people who know their status need to reveal it HONESTLY and those who don't know, need to ask, need to say "I don't know." Then each person is more responsible for his actions.

You're asking the poz guy to be responsible for the neg guy's health. The poz top's only responsibility is to not lie when asked. The neg guy is responsible for his own health. Sorry, but I'm a firm believer in personal responsibility. I also believe in 90+% of the cases the guy who becomes poz pozzed himself by taking risks of one sort or another.

We're talking about a very deadly disease here. You have an obligation to disclose. Case closed.

No. Not closed at all for a number of reasons. First, not that many gay guys die of HIV/AIDS these days - smoking kills 5 times more gay guys than HIV, and people aren't all that concerned about smoking. And on top of that the people who are dying are people who found out too late, have had it for a very long time (pre-ARVs), or just don't follow their doctor's advice about treatment.

The issue these days is not so much whether you become poz, but whether you get tested quickly enough so you start treatment in a timely manner.

[Slut4anyload]

Can I be frank? I think that's wrong. If a poz guy fucked you because you told him you were poz too and you were not and then he causes you to be poz, don't you think that's wrong? Imagine if he found out it was he who madey you poz?

Well, this thread is like that isn't it. I don't mind that you feel that it was wrong, but I don't feel bad abut doing it. There is a bis difference IMHO between poz tops concealing their status in order to bug-up unwitting negs and neg bottoms lying in order to get a prized bug load in their hole.

- He was hot and I wanted to be the hole that got his load that night.

- It was a thrill to pretend to be poz and experience poz-guy cum-sharing.

- I know I will convert at some point. If he had made me poz I would certainly not have blamed him, perhaps respected him more.

- I would not have told him.

- He was a casual hook-up

- It's unlikely I could pin my conversion on him. His is not the only poz load I have taken

[PhoenixGeoff]

rawTOP, I totally disagree with you. Your attitude on this is frightening. Okay, so a workman comes to your home and he knows he has TB. He says nothing and you get TB. How would you feel? I know it's not a direct comparison, but sorry, you do have an obligation to disclose. No question about it. You do. You don't feel the poz top should have to bring it up!? Of course he should! You can't assume that the bottom should or will and you cannot assume because he is barebacking he is poz! Did you ever stop to think perhaps he is on something? Or maybe has bi-polar disorder and is not in full control of his mental faculties? The good advice is that people who know their status need to reveal it HONESTLY and those who don't know, need to ask, need to say "I don't know." Then each person is more responsible for his actions.

I'm coming at this as someone who's pretty proactive about disclosing my status and I have to say that I don't agree with this analogy at all. What are the odds of any one workman having TB? Pretty slim. That's not something that I can reasonably foresee when I hire someone to come into my home.

On the other hand, if I'm going out and having raw sex with guys who bareback routinely, there's a damn good chance that some of them are going to have HIV. That's just the way it is in the gay community these days: a sizable proportion of the sexually active men out there are infected. And as a result, I can reasonably foresee that some of them are going to be poz; it's just the nature of the game.

If you're neg and you bareback, you absolutely know that you're going to run into guys who are poz along the way. You accept the risks you're comfortable with and you take your chances.

If I don't have HIV and I choose to have bareback sex with strangers, whose decision is that? Mine. If I get drunk or high and go and hit the bath, whose choice is that? Mine. If my bipolar disorder is untreated, whose responsibility is that? Mine.

I've personally been living with HIV for about eight years now. That was a direct result of choices I made: mostly taking loads from guys, no questions asked. Why are you trying to absolve me from responsibility for actions I chose to take?

[plowedanplanted]

I think honesty is the best policy. Even if a cum hole is nothing more than a hole for cum, we are men and brothers and should be honest with each other.

[ruralguy7326]

Yeh BB should not just be hot it should be honest as well.

[Jnjbarebkhusbands]

I do my best to disclose my status as early on as possible in my interaction with a potential fuck. Online, this means that my status is included in my profile. In the bars, I bring it up in conversation. My policy is that if I'm having sex with a guy who's HIV-, then he gets to decide which risks are acceptable and which aren't (although if he insists on either one of us using a condom, I'll walk away from the trick).

I treat baths and other anonymous kinds of places for hooking up differently. If you're being promiscuous with multiple men you really don't know and fucking raw, then you've really already made your decision. So in that case, I won't actively volunteer my status, although if asked I do answer truthfully.

I agree with MAscMountainMan.... word for word...I could not say it better myself.

[Pig Bottom]

People are liars. I looked around recently on Craigslist and not one said they were poz. Many said they were looking for drug and disease free, which probably means they are poz, but it's the best way to trick someone to be adamant that you are not.

[ruralguy7326]

Yeh I totaly amd absolutly agree with rawTOP and MascMountainMan you guys get the yey for the day.

"TOM" as individuals we must accept full personal responibility for OUR decisions and the end results. "TOM" believe me it is foolish in the extreem for anyone who is neg and BB's to believe that just because a man says he is neg that he is actually neg. Who knows he could well be lying. Without seeing a recent test result none of us would know for sure. Also do not forget that there is also a window of some time where HIV will not show up on tests.

The responsibility is always on us as to whether we "choose" to believe him and go on to have BB sex with him. This I know this is not the same but the principle is. Just because a politician says something does not mean that it is true and correct. Just because the Pope says something does not make it correct. We all know that. It is us who choose to believe people or not. We alone are responsible for what we do and who we decide to believe.

"TOM" the responsibilty for my health rests with me. The responsibilty for my financial situation rests with me. If I DECIDE to BB and have anon loads in my hot ass the responsibilty rests with me. Further I live an a somewhat isolated rural environment, and If my dog kiils sheep or other animals on another property, he would be shot, and as sad as I would be I would be held fully responsible for his actions for allowing him to run riot.

I am poz and vers, and I always disclose my status honestly. If however I chose to lie, the responsibility still rests with my partner if he chooses to take me at my word and believe me without seeing any kind of proof. Not to mention the fact that I would also be fully responsible for lying to him.

When I get to the big smoke again and spend a few nights at a sauna I know I will be fucked and also fuck a few dripping asses. But I take responsibility for other issues such syph, gono etc etc. Having said all that I can't fukn wait.

[tin]

In an ideal world, where everyone knew everything about sex-education, abstinence wasn't the norm in sex-ed in parts of the country, 19yr olds were highly educated about HIV and no closeted-gay-guy was locked in a hetero-marriage sneaking out for sex behind his wives back and being too ashamed to take the necessary precautions to protect his health and his wives- then yes, I'm all for '100% personal responsibility for your own sexual health.'

But we live in reality - not everyone is well educated or well informed on the risks of STD and HIV, not everyone is mature/knowledgeable enough to make smart choices and not everyone knows what to do to manage their risks. When the result of not disclosing your status is the transmission of a infectious disease, of which there is no cure - and if left untreated can be fatal, I think it's in the HIV+'s court to disclose their status - even if not asked. There are some exceptions I would have with this is in environment like saunas, dark rooms, bareback orgies, being the cumdump at a gangbang etc, or if you've hooked up off a site like 'barebackrt'. If your bending over taking raw cock in a darkroom of a bathhouse and you don't even see the face of the guy fucking you - then you accept the risk of not knowing their status.

But if it's someone you've met at a bar, or another dating site and status didn't come up, or a young kid that's just coming out and doesn't know 'the sex scene' - you don't know their background, what their education/knowledge level is, and their understanding of the risks involved. They could still fall into the trap of 'Oh, he looks healthy - he must be clean.', or think they magically belong to the demographic of 'HIV doesn't affect me, it's only for those old trolls at the leather bar.' - Ignorant? yes. Deserving to be be infected and not have the HIV status of the other person disclosed? No.

Hell, some times people just make a stupid mistake - there is a difference between 'I generally play safe, but had poor judgment for whatever reason/excuse' and 'I am a habitual bare-backer and the risk simply comes with the territory.' Going raw isn't some homo-exclusive act, there are many unexpected/wanted pregnancies from people who were not thinking with the right head one night when things got heated and heavy.

HIV isn't something that can be treated with a few shots of penicillin to the ass, or a few weeks of antibiotics. Yes, it's treatable, your life expectancy is longer than it used to be, treatment options are easier. But, it can still have a big impact on your life, your future sex/dating options (not everyone is poz-friendly), it adds extra consideration to career options (Full benefits is now a priority for me if I look for a new job, even though there are options available to ease the cost of meds if needed).

I generally played safe - like I've mentioned in another post, I can count the number of people I've gone BB with on one hand, and the number I've bottomed for is even less than that. There has been more than once in the past where I didn't fuck/get fucked because condoms were not on hand. I made a mistake one night, topic of condoms never came up, topic of status never came up - and there is the chance of if I asked, he either didn't know, or would lie (and hell - there is a good chance the guy didn't even know, I'm 90% certain of where I got it from). I take responsibility for my actions, and don't point the finger of blame anywhere but myself. That said, if your HIV+, I do think in *most* situations its your responsibility to disclose your status, honestly, even if it's not asked of you.