losttop Posted January 5, 2015 Report Posted January 5, 2015 Moved in together with a guy that I have known for over 2 years now. We spent New Years eve together with his best friend that doesn't like me very much. His best friend was visiting and he hooked up with some guy. Around 3 am we left the bars and this guy that had hooked up with his best friend was supposed to bring me and my bf to the hotel. In the car he decided that we should go back to his place and hang out. As I was tired I told him I wanted to go back to the hotel. As my bf and his friend wanted to hang out he totally ignored me and brought us all to his place anyway. I told him that this was not on as I had told him that I wanted to go back to the hotel. I had kind of fight with him as I didn't want to be there and I was ignored. My bf said that I was overreacting...at around 6am we finally took cab home. I had fight with my bf about it later in the hotel. He told me that I had been rude and should apoligize.i told him that if someone should apoligize it was this guy as he had totally ignored my wishes. The next day we went out again and the whole thing was not mentioned again. I find that he should have apologized to me though...what hurt me most is that my bf has befriended this guy on social media. He told me that he did this out of solidarity for his friend. I feel somewhat hurt about this.... Am I being a baby here or should I be offended about the whole thing?
lvbbcumnhole Posted January 5, 2015 Report Posted January 5, 2015 That guy should have honored your wishes and taken you back, as a courtesy. Your bf should have agreed to this. In my opinion, you were not respected. You are not being a baby about this and feel that you should be offended as you did state that you were tired and wanted to go back. Having to suffer extra time awake did you no good as you did not get the rest you needed. Your boyfriends best friends trick should be the one to apologize because he didn't care what you wanted. I think it's time to re-evaluate your relationship and move on without him. Good luck to you. 1
Moderators drscorpio Posted January 6, 2015 Moderators Report Posted January 6, 2015 It sounds like you were being rude and whiny and trying to force everyone to do what you wanted instead of trying to go with the flow. It was New Years Eve - a big party night. Yes, they should have listened to your input, but once they didn't and you were at his house, you should have sucked it up and made do for the evening instead of creating drama and ruining the night for everyone else. You don't sound like a baby, but you do sound like a teenager. Was you boyfriend a little inconsiderate? Maybe - it's hard to tell without hearing his side. Should you reevaluate your relationship? Perhaps. I am sure your bf is based on his actions.
losttop Posted January 6, 2015 Author Report Posted January 6, 2015 It was actually New Years day going into jan. 2. Yes I do agree that maybe I was a bit whiny. But it was somewhat ridiculous situation to end up at someone's house while I wanted to go back to the hotel. My bf did try to diffuse situation by making jokes and said that I reacted rudely.... Otherwise he would have insisted in taking me home. The next day we did go out again for dinner and drinks and we all pretended like nothing had happened. My bf apologized to them on my behalf by email before we met. Something I don't agree with as I wasn't the one creating the situation. Before we left I even offered the guy to stay at our house one day he would be in our home city. My bf later then had serious issues with that. I told him I was just being polite and not really interested in him staying. He befriended him on social media. Something I don't really understand. He told me he did that out of solidarity for his friend which I can understand somewhat.anyway.... I think I was just tired from going out late New Years eve and travelLing next day and going out again. Just lack of sleep!
wood Posted January 6, 2015 Report Posted January 6, 2015 It was actually New Years day going into jan. 2. Yes I do agree that maybe I was a bit whiny. But it was somewhat ridiculous situation to end up at someone's house while I wanted to go back to the hotel. My bf did try to diffuse situation by making jokes and said that I reacted rudely.... Otherwise he would have insisted in taking me home. The next day we did go out again for dinner and drinks and we all pretended like nothing had happened. My bf apologized to them on my behalf by email before we met. Something I don't agree with as I wasn't the one creating the situation. Before we left I even offered the guy to stay at our house one day he would be in our home city. My bf later then had serious issues with that. I told him I was just being polite and not really interested in him staying. He befriended him on social media. Something I don't really understand. He told me he did that out of solidarity for his friend which I can understand somewhat.anyway.... I think I was just tired from going out late New Years eve and travelLing next day and going out again. Just lack of sleep! I still have to agree with the post above. I see why you felt the way you did, but NYE being on a Wednesday pretty much meant it was going to be an entire party weekend for many people. IMO in that situation I would have done a couple things differently. One, if you were that tired, you could have just said you dont feel well, and am going to take a taxi back to the hotel, no harm no foul. Or two, if you really didnt feel like doing that, just go back to his place and fall asleep on the couch, its not that big of a deal, especially if you had been partying. Or three, have a couple redbulls, and try to enjoy the situation. If everyone is having a good time no one likes a debbie downer. In the future I would take yourself out of the situation in a more polite way. I have a good friend who will become a downer going out sometimes, and it really kills the mood for the others involved. As far as the social media thing is concerned, thats a non-issue, people friend or defriend others on social media all the time, you are overthinking that. Why do you say the guy doesnt like you? 1
baggerr Posted January 6, 2015 Report Posted January 6, 2015 I can go with the flow but when You dont want to you dont want to, they should have dropped you off and went on. Since they didnt I would have gotten a cab as soon as the car stopped. I would have been fucking pissed off. and my partner/friend would be paying for it. Dont ever speak for me either, I have NO problem saying what I want or need to say and I dont sugar coat it either. That would also piss me off, telling someone something I dont feel and making me look like the bad guy when he is throwing you under the bus. My partner would be having a bad day after something like that lol. Partners arent supposed to throw you under the bus. if I want or need to apologize, I will do it. If I dont I'm not going to for a reason. You dont owe them shit, they owe you for forcing you into something you didnt want to do. As for FaceBook, they're new friends right? Thats no big deal, although to be fair he should include you if you 2 are an item. Its when someone UN-friends you that a sign. People use that as a tool/weapon/signal that they have issue with you, otherwise why would you un-friend someone? Personally, facebook does not dictate who my friends are, but for so many, it does. I remind people all the time, we were friends before facebook you know, we can be friends after it too, dont let facebook decide who your friends are. BTW I hate facebook.
baggerr Posted January 6, 2015 Report Posted January 6, 2015 I still have to agree with the post above. I see why you felt the way you did, but NYE being on a Wednesday pretty much meant it was going to be an entire party weekend for many people. IMO in that situation I would have done a couple things differently. One, if you were that tired, you could have just said you dont feel well, and am going to take a taxi back to the hotel, no harm no foul. Or two, if you really didnt feel like doing that, just go back to his place and fall asleep on the couch, its not that big of a deal, especially if you had been partying. Or three, have a couple redbulls, and try to enjoy the situation. If everyone is having a good time no one likes a debbie downer. In the future I would take yourself out of the situation in a more polite way. I have a good friend who will become a downer going out sometimes, and it really kills the mood for the others involved. As far as the social media thing is concerned, thats a non-issue, people friend or defriend others on social media all the time, you are overthinking that. Why do you say the guy doesnt like you? He did try to take himself out in a polite way, he asked to be taken back to his room. And you know once its in your head that you dont want to and arent into it and they try to make you do it anyway it just makes it worse. If they had done what he requested they wouldnt have had to deal with debbie downer. Thats what they get for not honoring a persons wishes. If it were me I would have skipped debbie downer mode and been Andy asshole. When a guy is done, he's done. Personally I think he was doing them a favor by wanting to to the motel so he wouldnt be killing the fun.
seaguy Posted January 7, 2015 Report Posted January 7, 2015 If it was not out of the way to take you back to the hotel then they should have done that. Maybe they thought you would change your mind once you got to his place? But they should have said something not just ignored you. But if it was out of the way then it's kind of majority rules. If you wanted to be back at your room that bad you could have called yourself a cab?
wood Posted January 7, 2015 Report Posted January 7, 2015 He did try to take himself out in a polite way, he asked to be taken back to his room. And you know once its in your head that you dont want to and arent into it and they try to make you do it anyway it just makes it worse. If they had done what he requested they wouldnt have had to deal with debbie downer. Thats what they get for not honoring a persons wishes. If it were me I would have skipped debbie downer mode and been Andy asshole. When a guy is done, he's done. Personally I think he was doing them a favor by wanting to to the motel so he wouldnt be killing the fun. Especially in a situation where its majority rule, its not always the job of anyone to go out of their way to take a person back. That's what alternative transportation is for. Demanding to be taken home isn't taking yourself out of a situation, its demanding to be accommodated, regardless if its your BF or not. My parents have been married for over 40 years and if they are in a social situation where one isn't feeling it, they split up sometimes, and find other ways home, its not the end of the world. For me anytime I go out, even when I was in my LTR, I always had an alternative way out that involved no one else. Its the easiest way to make everyone have a good time. I'm miserable? I just go home. Additionally with apps like Uber and lyft, transportation in even more suburban settings isnt as difficult anymore. No offense, but it sounds like you have a quite a temper, and that doesn't usually work out well in light hearted social situations.
losttop Posted January 7, 2015 Author Report Posted January 7, 2015 I was in strange city and somewhat drunk and couldn't remember address of hotel. I just felt tired and wanted to go to bed. The only reason my bf was eager on going ist the fact that they would smoke some pot. Something I don't do. Don't mind if he does either but I think he should have been more sensitive to what I wanted to do...the fact that he apologized for me doesn't feel right either. I agree that I should be more like going with the flow.... But if somebody should apoligize it was his friends buddy. But sometimes my bf does that.... He behaves like its his way or the highway.... As Im more like wanting to keep the peace I give in many times. His friend does not really care for me. We r polite to each other but that's it. I respect the fact that it is his best friend that he knew before me.... But I just try to avoid him to be honest.
baggerr Posted January 8, 2015 Report Posted January 8, 2015 Especially in a situation where its majority rule, its not always the job of anyone to go out of their way to take a person back. That's what alternative transportation is for. Demanding to be taken home isn't taking yourself out of a situation, its demanding to be accommodated, regardless if its your BF or not. My parents have been married for over 40 years and if they are in a social situation where one isn't feeling it, they split up sometimes, and find other ways home, its not the end of the world. For me anytime I go out, even when I was in my LTR, I always had an alternative way out that involved no one else. Its the easiest way to make everyone have a good time. I'm miserable? I just go home. Additionally with apps like Uber and lyft, transportation in even more suburban settings isnt as difficult anymore. No offense, but it sounds like you have a quite a temper, and that doesn't usually work out well in light hearted social situations. Thanks for the free diagnosis, but wrong. I dont have anger issues, I have 0 tolerance for disrespect, and its not an issue for me, just other people that are lame If it was way out of the way to take him back then I agree he can grab a cab. But since they were in a motel I'm going to assume they got one fairly close to where they planned on going, why wouldnt they, they didnt have a rental car so they planned on other means. So they could have respected the guys wishes and taken him back. Anyway why would you want to take debbie downer with you when you have the chance to take debbie downer to his motel room? If it were me I'd be more than glad to get rid of the debbie downer. He didnt put it up for a vote and neither would I, what I want isnt up for a vote. But any of the other 3 guys could have offered and or suggested a cab to solve the problem, instead they all said fuck you, you going with, like it or not. Something that might make a difference was this discussed before they got in the car or after.. If it was before I would not have gotten in in the first place and then its on him, he made that choice, if it was after and they were already driving they gave him no choice but to go. Going with the flow sometimes means taking care of the one for the good of the many It isnt always a majority vote. I'll remember to check with you next time I think I need a diagnosis, what areas are you an expert in again? I missed that....
fuckyouraw777 Posted January 10, 2015 Report Posted January 10, 2015 LOL! Your b/f values his "best friend" more than you. Sorry to be blunt - you're not his best friend. I'd be reevaluating relationship. 1
losttop Posted January 10, 2015 Author Report Posted January 10, 2015 LOL! Your b/f values his "best friend" more than you. Sorry to be blunt - you're not his best friend. I'd be reevaluating relationship. his best friend has been around longer than I have been...I understand that. I realize now that I have overreacted. We have talked things out.
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