Am I Fucked Up?

[NLbear]

I fully agree with joethomas and bearbandit.

No, you're not fucked up.  When I was 14 I was fully aware that I was "different" and my hormones were raging. That was pre-internet so couldn't look it up. I don't think I would be against a 30-something doing things to/with me at that time. Not, like you said, when he was kind to you and asked always if you were uncomfortable. 14 is young, and it would be illegal here as well, but some know what they want. Some don't though. If any force was used then I would report it afterwards, even years later But if it wasn't just use it in your mind as a part of growing up with gay or bisexual feelings and treat it as that.

[subbytch]

"He was nothing but kind to me.

 

So dose that make me fucked up

 

(reason i posted this here is because i am looking for honest people)"

 

Were you raped? Doesn't sound like it. It does sound like the teacher was rather inappropriate. I'm not a huge fan of the way the teacher went about initiating a relationship with you. I think society is a better place when young people don't have to wrestle with relationships with their teachers. But that's me.

That being said, it's not true that everyone under the age of 18 who has sex with someone over the age of 18 was raped, molested, or otherwise couldn't consent. While there is a good body of research that shows many people in that situation are, there's also another body of research that shows people of 14, 15, and older had fond memories, found it very enjoyable, and celebrate the sexual relationships they had with older adults. That body of research caused a huge stink when it came out.

 

In other countries, the age of consent ranges between 14-16, most clustering around 16. It's really an American thing where we think something magical happens on your 18th birthday to all cum leaving your body and all other cum entering it. It's crazy, but it's the society we live in.

 

If you think you had a good relationship with your teacher, then you probably did. Keep that to yourself. Or if you must talk about it, lie and say he was another student and you had great fun. It's your story to tell.

 

If you find somewhere down the line that it really wasn't that great of an experience, then there are plenty of therapists who will help you work out whatever problems you might then have.

 

Really, this is about you. Good luck.

Edited June 28, 2015 by subbytch

[Guest]

Many of us have battled with this topic.  I was only 8 when my 34 year old neighbor first took advantage of me.  Even as an 8 year old, I found myself attracted to him and I knew some of what I was getting into, but not all.  He was the one that noticed and first took advantage of me.  It was rape with me.  The whole relationship was abusive and it lasted until I was 15.  When I have told people about it, almost everyone said I should have told the police.  This was years after though, and he has since died.  Just by nature of everything that happened, I am fucked up.  But I have also recovered from it and have married a great guy.  We are not our past.

[ErosWired]

4 hours ago, DannyBoyCMH said:

Just by nature of everything that happened, I am fucked up. 

If I might ask, since the OP framed the term, could you elaborate on what you mean when you use “fucked up” to describe yourself? What would you consider it to mean in this context?

Quite a few men on this site relate having been given their first-hand contact with male sexuality at an early age, yet the number who claim not to have been harmed by the experience continues to surprise me. I find myself wondering if their definition of “okay” comes from the fact that they had no reference to a life in which they had not been abused.

The only thing that ever happened to me was in my early teens when a man in the public library kept moving to the aisle opposite the one where I was browsing so that I could see him on the other side of the shelves stroking his cock through his pants. I was mercifully oblivious to sex at that point, but had a sense that the guy was up to no good and legged it out of there.

I know quite well that by the standards of a majority of people, my acceptance of my role as a cumdump bottom for use by men is fucked up, and since nothing happened to me in childhood to set the stage for it, I’m very curious how it is that I differ from those to whom something did happen.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

If I might ask, since the OP framed the term, could you elaborate on what you mean when you use “fucked up” to describe yourself? What would you consider it to mean in this context?

Quite a few men on this site relate having been given their first-hand contact with male sexuality at an early age, yet the number who claim not to have been harmed by the experience continues to surprise me. I find myself wondering if their definition of “okay” comes from the fact that they had no reference to a life in which they had not been abused.

The only thing that ever happened to me was in my early teens when a man in the public library kept moving to the aisle opposite the one where I was browsing so that I could see him on the other side of the shelves stroking his cock through his pants. I was mercifully oblivious to sex at that point, but had a sense that the guy was up to no good and legged it out of there.

I know quite well that by the standards of a majority of people, my acceptance of my role as a cumdump bottom for use by men is fucked up, and since nothing happened to me in childhood to set the stage for it, I’m very curious how it is that I differ from those to whom something did happen.

I guess I mean it from the standpoint that my behavior is not exactly mainstream or acceptable, or even safe.  What happened to me exposed me to things long before I could find them out from my own curiosity.  I became interested in things that perhaps I never would have otherwise.  

[msclrawslammer]

I feel glad to say I am mostly pleasantly surprised by most of the answers you have received here.

While asking if feeling ok about your experience makes you somewhat damaged or fucked up is a very valid question for you to have, you didn’t hesitate in your description of the events and how they affected you and if. 

Just because you were targeted and seduced, which I say you clearly were, you were not forced nor abused from a very plain human point of view.  (non legal nor overly phsycological sense). By that I mean that while you were young and inexperienced which technically put you at a disadvantage in relation to him, you still were not kept in the dark about what he offered if you ever wanted to go there with him. Yes he played the perverter of an innocent but not truly. You were mature enough to know what you were doing and what you wanted to do. 

Not everyone can deal with an approach like that at that age without some kind of traumatic feeling. That is the main reason for age of consent laws. We have to draw the line somewhere and hope everyone will be ok. Life is not that simple. If you can’t find it in you and how you feel about him and what you two did was wrong then don’t worry. You were horny and able to take “advantage “ of what was being offered at a time most don’t.

As long as you can truly look deep down your memories and feelings and have no issue you might not be dealing with, don’t give it another minute of your time. It’s part of your life experience and made you who you are. And like the majority here have said in one way or another, you wanted it and you got it so more power to you.  

Edited March 24, 2019 by msclrawslammer