Why Do Some Want A Disease?

[tallslenderguy]

Hey guys, I am mystified and would like to understand the reasons why guys want to be poz'ed or want to catch other diseases. I'm a critical care nurse and often take care of people who have the diseases that some on here "chase" and/or want to catch and I want to understand the reasons why.  I personally hate it when I get sick in any way, even just a cold, and would like to understand. Thanks for sharing.

[whorepig]

I think it is difficult to get into somebody's head to see why people do what they do, I think all of us at some point have done something then asked ourselves , "why did I do that" best not to judge others , just try and be accepting of their choices unless of course it causes very serious self harm.

[tallslenderguy]

I think it is difficult to get into somebody's head to see why people do what they do, I think all of us at some point have done something then asked ourselves , "why did I do that" best not to judge others , just try and be accepting of their choices unless of course it causes very serious self harm.

It is "difficult to get into somebody's head and see why..." that's why I am asking :-). The point of this post/question is not to judge, it's an attempt to understand. As far as "caus[ing] very serious self harm," what is your definition of "serious self harm?" Does trying to catch a potentially deadly disease qualify as "serious self harm?" I took care of a patient with hep C this week, I had to give him 2 units of blood because he was bleeding from his esophagus, a side disease caused by cirrhosis of the liver that results from hep C. That seems serious to me.

[cam1972]

I don't think judging helps. I would agree with that. While we must accept that they are their own person and make their own choices, I think it's irresponsible on our parts not to try to educate them on possible outcomes of having these diseases. And face it: these diseases can "cause very serious self harm". Giving them the information shouldn't be misconstrued as judging them. I think cheering them on is not a wise thing to do either. As to the OP's question.... I don't think there is any explanation that will help you (or I) understand. The freedom they say they believe it will give them sexually? Comes with a high price. Literally. The cost of meds for HIV are astronomical. Not to mention the long term usage side effects. Yes, drugs are getting better, but they still aren't perfect. Another reason they give is that they will no longer have to worry about contracting it. 1) Why are they worried if it's not a big deal to have it? 2) That worry often times is replaced with "Am I going to survive this disease?" So... Yeah... I don't think there is an explanation that will satisfy your curiosity. I don't pretend to know it all. I most certainly do not. Maybe someone can help understand the mindset. I'm all ears.

[hungry_hole]

I'm not a chaser but I think that the rationality of a chaser has to do with the realization that in order to really fulfil all fantasies, HIV infection is almost inevitable so it makes more sense to eroticise the infection instead of having to fear it.

[Guest]

Bear in mind that, for many of the guys who post on this site, talk of "chasing" a disease is just that - talk.

 

It's a fantasy that is one element of a rich, healthy sex life. Jacking off and getting off on a thought or desire - including one that is harmful, stigmatized, taboo or even illegal - during sex is intensely satisfying without causing harm to anyone. Enjoy!

[cam1972]

Bear in mind that, for many of the guys who post on this site, talk of "chasing" a disease is just that - talk.

 

It's a fantasy that is one element of a rich, healthy sex life. Jacking off and getting off on a thought or desire - including one that is harmful, stigmatized, taboo or even illegal - during sex is intensely satisfying without causing harm to anyone. Enjoy!

It's the ones who aren't just talk that bring the question to mind. I think part of the answer is in your screen name. It's a fetish. And fetishes are tricky to understand for those who don't have those fetishes. I get the element of taboo in fantasy. Hell, I sure use it. Makes for a great time. Hell of a great time. But I wouldn't physically do them in real life. I suppose I have fetishes that others wouldn't understand. I guess why chasing is set apart from others is because of the health risks involved. Permanent health risks. But I am glad that for many on here, it is just talk.

[tallslenderguy]

It's the ones who aren't just talk that bring the question to mind. I think part of the answer is in your screen name. It's a fetish. And fetishes are tricky to understand for those who don't have those fetishes. I get the element of taboo in fantasy. Hell, I sure use it. Makes for a great time. Hell of a great time. But I wouldn't physically do them in real life. I suppose I have fetishes that others wouldn't understand. I guess why chasing is set apart from others is because of the health risks involved. Permanent health risks. But I am glad that for many on here, it is just talk.

Ditto this. It is complicated. I'm not into pain, but find myself drawn to getting spanked when I watch some of the porn. Not sure I'd enjoy the reality as much as I enjoy the porn though lol, and I suspect that is true about at least some who chase?

 

The other side of the coin is "gifters."  I was cruised by a guy once who wanted me to come to his house and get bred. As we were working out the details, he told me he had a new toy he wanted to use on me first. When I asked him what it was, he didn't want to tel me saying I wouldn't want to do it if I knew. Finally he told me it was a tooth brush. I ended up not going over because I thought he might be wanting to poz me and that's why he wanted to use the toothbrush first... he claimed to be neg though. I know the risks I take being a bottom cum slut, but I still ask about status in a tiny attempt to protect myself. I don't consider myself safe, but I'm not purposely trying to catch anything. I get bummed even when I get chlamydia. I went years without ever getting sucked because it seemed every time I got a bj id end up with chlamydia... but I never skipped getting fucked, so I don't consider myself even safer because I don't want a disease, I just don't want one and don't understand those who do.

[bearbandit]

When I first pitched up here I was working in HIV prevention and my aim was to understand the chasing mindset. Basically, you can't, any more than explain to someone who's not into drag the delights of a garter belt and stockings (something a FB of mine was faced with recently: he shut his eyes and thought of Wales while getting pounded, but that's another story).

 

PrEP, of course, rules out the inevitability idea. Even in the UK, without government approval, we're talking about how to get tenvir-EM, which hospitals will do the testing outside of STI/HIV testing that's necessary, and the whole concept of clinic hopping. Finally I'm not telling people obliquely "message me privately"... Very, very few HIV- men can't tolerate truvada (and there are other drugs in the pipeline) and the chances of meeting a guy with an infectious viral load whose virus is resistant to both tenofovir and emtricitabine is vanishingly small.

 

While I, as a long term survivor of HIV, still can't claim to understand the chasing mentality, especially in the light of the tool we now have in PrEP to avoid infection, so condomless sex is safer than it has been for more than thirty years, you can't deny that a few people are still chasing. It's a threat that's become eroticised, but one which falls down with the progress we've made against HIV. I even wrote fiction to try and get inside of the mind of a guy who was chasing, and fell down in that I couldn't. Get into his mind, I mean.

For those who feel that getting HIV is inevitable, the attitude of wanting to know who it was who gave them HIV I can understand: somebody fucked me in early 1980, I seroconverted and would dearly love to know who it was just to know if his luck held as well as mine. The preservation/passing on of DNA plays into the daddy idea here as well.

Hepatitis C is different in that it's seen as an acute illness, even though it can show very few symptoms, if any, for a fairly long time. With HIV there's always the chance element. I know guys who were infected after me who died within ten years (my two life-partners did), whereas I personally know someone who was infected before me, and via facebook know guys in the USA who were infected before me.

 

Finally there's the taboo element: "nice" boys don't do the sort of things that you can catch HIV from. Just yesterday on Facebook I read a reference to "the biohazard and piggy crowd" and it definitely wasn't meant affectionately! HIV has been around long enough now to have shaped our entire way of thinking about sex, giving us new ways of rebelling against "cultural norms". That, if nothing else, is an argument for why the Breeding Zone should be here and why I still recommend Tim Dean's book "Unlimited Intimacy" (so much so that after the paperback I went on to buy the ebook), even though it's over ten years old now.

 

[tallbtm]

I know the risks I take being a bottom cum slut, but I still ask about status in a tiny attempt to protect myself. I don't consider myself safe, but I'm not purposely trying to catch anything. I get bummed even when I get chlamydia. I went years without ever getting sucked because it seemed every time I got a bj id end up with chlamydia... but I never skipped getting fucked, so I don't consider myself even safer because I don't want a disease, I just don't want one and don't understand those who do.

 

You said you're a nurse so surely you know about PrEP.  Have you considered it?

 

As a contemporary of yours who also lived through the scariest years, I've found being on PrEP, free of HIV fear, remarkably liberating -- both mentally and physically. I'm having both more, and more satisfying, sex now that I did for years.

[cam1972]

HIV has been around long enough now to have shaped our entire way of thinking about sex, giving us new ways of rebelling against "cultural norms". That, if nothing else, is an argument for why the Breeding Zone should be here

I don't know what I would have done without this site after I was first diagnosed. My family has always been supportive but discussions are much easier had on here than with them. Lol

I do agree that I don't think that those of us who've never had the desire to chase can really ever understand what drives a person to do so. And I'm guessing for every chaser out there, there are as many different reasons they do. Each have their own reasons.

[tallslenderguy]

You said you're a nurse so surely you know about PrEP.  Have you considered it?

 

As a contemporary of yours who also lived through the scariest years, I've found being on PrEP, free of HIV fear, remarkably liberating -- both mentally and physically. I'm having both more, and more satisfying, sex now that I did for years.

hey tallbtm,

yes, I have considered prep, I cannot afford the steep price tag though, still looking into it to try a figure a way. Not all insurance companies cover it. The idea of it makes a ton of sense to me. Do you have any side effects with it?

[757neg4poz]

One of the vain reasons I had considered bugchasing in the past is that I have felt ostracized from the main gay community, and had believed that the poz community would be more supportive? I have body image users and believed getting HIV was one way to reconcile my destroyed self-image with my body.

[tallbtm]

hey tallbtm,

yes, I have considered prep, I cannot afford the steep price tag though, still looking into it to try a figure a way. Not all insurance companies cover it. The idea of it makes a ton of sense to me. Do you have any side effects with it?

 

tallslenderguy,

To avoid highjacking this very interesting thread about bug chasing with PrEP talk, I've answered your questions in a private message. BTW, the PrEP sub-forum here is helpful for those who want information about it.

[tallslenderguy]

One of the vain reasons I had considered bugchasing in the past is that I have felt ostracized from the main gay community, and had believed that the poz community would be more supportive? I have body image users and believed getting HIV was one way to reconcile my destroyed self-image with my body.

Thank you for your answer bethmygibbons.  I'm sorry you have felt ostracized by the gay community, it can be very hard to not feel a part of a group of people you identify with. I hope things are better for you now.