To Anyone Struggling With Holiday Depression: Be Good To Yourself, And You're Not Alone

[jtonic]

[Disclaimer: this will read like a personal diary]

 

It's December now. I know seasonal depression is a common problem that can affect anyone; not just poz. But as a gay guy, living with HIV largely in private, selectively out / partially closeted, somewhat of a bb sex addict and single, the holidays are a lonely, difficult time for me. Last year was particularly bad. First holidays after being poz. On Christmas day, I remember being alone, everything in the city was closed, and everyone I knew was away or had other plans. I actually spent most of New Year's Eve on BBRT, trying to find tops to hook up with, thinking it would make me feel better and forget my troubles. But that was all wrong. I was an emotional wreck. I'm lucky that I wasn't around drugs.

 

 

It's now a year later and not much has changed. I'm still single and poz. My family doesn't know. I still struggle with loneliness. I don't have a close circle of friends who know exactly what I'm going through. But what I can change this year is my approach. Despite what I don't have, the holidays can be an opportunity to focus on myself and appreciate what I do have. In this spirit, I say to anyone out there who feels alone, left out or anxious about this time of year: please be good to yourself first, don't put all your attention on what others are doing during Christmas. Spend this time the way you want to. Filter out the noise. Eat well and sleep when it's time. Treat yourself every day (for me, my holiday ritual became a simple hot chocolate every evening). Go for a walk or see a movie. If you're going to a Christmas or NYE party, don't put all your energy into this one day. Pace yourself. Volunteer for an organization or help people who are less fortunate than you. Reach out and connect in new ways. Turn off Facebook. Stay in touch with those around you, but don't compare your life with posts and Instagram pictures you see online. Accept the fact that some days will feel worse than others. Take care of yourself. Also, if you think you have signs of depression heading into the winter, consider talking to your doctor. He/she can actually help and make a difference.

 

tl/dr : Be good to yourself.

 

 

[lkngrnd]

This is an excellent post.  I can relate.

[hungry_hole]

But as a gay guy, living with HIV largely in private, selectively out / partially closeted, somewhat of a bb sex addict and single, the holidays are a lonely, difficult time for me.

 

 

 

jtonic, you're a young slutty bottom who can get bred any time you want, and now you don't even have to worry about HIV. I'm sure many guys here would envy your situation. But I guess this is not the whole story.

[jeff238]

I would hope it's not the whole story. For a person to define themselves by their sexuality is to ignore all the other good things about themselves. Sex can be a hobby, just like anything else, and there is nothing wrong with that. We have to acknowledge and embrace the other dimensions of our personality or risk becoming shallow and lonely.

[ChaserBtm84]

How are you feeling this year jtonic? I noticed after reading this it was posted a year ago. I have to say I appreciate your post. Not many people give a shit or even care to learn what it might be like to deal with depression. I've suffered with bipolar depression and anxiety my whole life. If it's not one thing it's another. You made some very nice points and suggestions that could potentially help some people out. Nice job.