Home-Land Security

[RideMyBlkDik]

So what about your personal security when you arrange a fuck session? Let's say you meet a man online or at a public venue and decide to take him home or you decide to go back to his place. Are you ever concerned about your personal safety? And if yes, what precautions do you take when making such arrangements? I guess we are all aware that gay men have been killed or seriously hurt by other gay men and even by straight men during what was supposed to be a casual (routine) hook up.  My buddy in Harlem says he locks up all his jewelry, cash, etc whenever he invites anyone over to his apartment for the first time. But still he has been robbed at gunpoint by someone he met online during what was supposed to be a routine meeting for sex.  The worst scenario that really shook me up happened several years ago when my best friend was stabbed to death by his landscaper.  My friend invited the landscaper in his bedroom and propositioned him for sex.  The landscaper was a straight man who ended up brutally and violently stabbing my friend in his bedroom.  Luckily my friend made it to the hospital alive and was able to identify his assailant shortly before passing away.

 

I am using the word home loosely here to mean either you hosting at your place or the other guy hosting at his place. And your place or his place doesn't have to be a residence....it also applies to hook ups at hotels and so on. We can read many accounts on this website about anonymous pump and dump hook ups at hotels....where guys advertise online and leave their hotel room doors slightly open to be bred anonymously by as many guys as possible. Personally I would not have the courage to do that. Personally my guards are always up even if I am the horniest guy on the planet. And yes, I have been in scary situations where I had to skillfully get out of a potentially harmful fuck session.  Obviously we can't live in fear. There must be trust between individuals. But "home-land" security is always on my mind whenever I share a space with a perfect stranger. What precautions do you take if any?  Do you have a personal experience or know of a hook up situation that went terribly wrong?

[BrockTop1973]

When I go out to someone's place I usually write their address / phone down and leave it somewhere prominent at home. Won't keep me safe, but if I do get murdered at least the cops will have a clue to work with. Lol.

On my last attempt I got a slightly sketchy vibe so I left my wallet at home. Turned out my safety wasn't an issue but the dude flaked with an excuse after I showed up, so maybe I was picking up on that flakiness.

[RideMyBlkDik]

About 5 years ago my friend introduced me to an ex-con who had been recently released after serving 14 years in state prison for manslaughter. Since my friend knew him from childhood I thought it was ok to invite him over to my place. I invited him over for dinner and sex. He is bisexual and lived with his girlfriend. I was also aware that the victim of his manslaughter conviction was his ex gay lover. Anyway dinner went well and the sex was ok. Afterwards we met about 3 or 4 more times at my place for the same routine...dinner and sex. I began to know him as a jovial guy who just needed people to give him a second chance in free society.

However prior to his last visit to my place he asked and I agreed to loan him some money. After dinner and sex I told him that I was $10 short of the amount I promised to lend him. At that point his facial expression went stone cold in a nanosecond!! The look of death that I saw in his eyes was beyond description. I knew I was in trouble. I knew my life was in danger. I had to think fast as the silence that took over my bedroom was deafening. So I told him that we could go get a cash advance off my credit card at a nearby ATM to cover the $10 difference.

I never invited him back to my place after that terrifying experience.

[nelliess]

If I go to a guy's place for the first time I always leave my debit and credit cards at home and let a buddy know where I'm going. I also email the details to myself in case the worst should happen. Might be a bit paranoid but I don't know if they're a serial killer or not. I have been mugged at knifepoint while at a cruising spot before so don't tend to do them now.

[hj15738]

Threesome with my bf, so it is 2:1 works well.....

[misterpiggy]

Met this sexy guy on adam4adam a few months ago. I spent a night at his apartment and we fucked all night long and I flooded his fuck hole several times that night. However he lives in a very high-crime neighborhood. He doesn't drive and wants to host for all his hookups. That night I worried all night about my car outside his apartment. Robberies, gun violence, carjackings, and murders are common where he lives.  He keeps inviting me back to his apartment but I just don't feel safe in his neighborhood (just this past Friday he invited me over to spend the overnight with him). I just cannot convince myself to go back to his apartment.  Moreover I don't want to insult him by telling him how I feel about his neighborhood.  Many guys feel insulted if you suggest that their neighborhood is not a safe place.

[BarebackFan]

There have been many cases where guys put up a Craigslist ad saying "ass up/door unlocked" and the guy gets the snot beat out of him. Recently, guys have made a Grindr hookup and met on the street, then when walking to an apartment to go fuck, one or more accomplices mug the guy taking cash and cellphone.

 

It's legal to carry pepper spray and they come in small enough containers to put in your pants pocket. 

You can also carry a knife in your pocket. It's better than being totally defenseless. 

[RideMyBlkDik]

Sometimes I think that criminals view gay men as soft targets.  Criminals prey on the weaknesses of gay men.  Some criminals know that gay men are constantly in need of sex with other men.  I am not surprised that some hardcore ex-convicts turn to providing escort services targeting gay clientele. When a criminal sizes up a gay man to be weak, the criminal knows that such gay men won't try to fight their way out of a dangerous situation. Bingo: ideal target to be robbed.

 

Those are just some of my thoughts. 

 

I believe we should always be aware that the stories we hear about or the stories that get media coverages aren't always going to be about somebody else. Gay men have been robbed, beaten, and even killed while in the process of pursuing sexual satisfaction. The perpetrators of such crimes can be gay, straight, or bisexual. Criminal minds knows no boundary with sexual orientation. Have you ever had a close call at your place or at another man's place? Do you know of anyone who did? Would you be ashamed to admit that you do not take any precautions when arranging to meet for a hookup?  I don't believe that hiding your jewelry, your bank cards, etc. might be enough to deter a criminal. How much resistance would you put up if faced with a deadly situation while in pursuit of sex? 

 

My buddy who lives in New Jersey loves to breed and be bred. He never hosts. He meets guys online and is constantly traveling between New Jersey, New York, and Pennsylvania for sex.  His need to give and receive nutt knows no bounds. He is totally addicted to barebacking and breeding. He will travel to any man's house or apartment in a heartbeat to satisfy his need to breed and be bred!  I once asked him if he is ever concerned about his personal safety.  He informed me that he never leaves home without his gun.  He has a license to legally own and carry one. And he tells me he is not afraid to use it.

 

So what precautions do you take...if any?

[tallbtm]

I tell my partner where I'm going and write down the guy's details. If he's not around, I leave a note in the kitchen with the same info including when I left and when I expect to be back. 

 

I generally talk to a guy a bit online beforehand so I get some feel for him and when something in my gut tells me he or the scene is sketchy, I try to think with the head on top my shoulders (instead of the other one) and just don't agree to meet.  I've had some weird hookups that made me decide to (politely) leave, but nothing has gotten dangerous.

[misterpiggy]

Sometimes I feel a greater sense of security when I host at my place. And sometimes when I go to meet a guy at his place for the first time I just hope for the best outcome. It's while making the arrangement to meet that I look for any red flags. When I meet a guy online I like to chat with him on the phone prior to meeting face to face. But some guys refuse to chat on the phone prior to meeting in person. They will only communicate with text messages. That's usually a red flag in my mind.

Once you are behind closed doors and alone with another man your safety is automatically compromised. That's just my opinion.

[Guest bbbearlover1]

In EVERY situation, I make sure that I give all contact information I have to a designated person (a cousin who is also gay, in my case), so that if anything ever happened to me, then there would be a place to start looking.  I know that this can be tough for those in the closet, but I would encourage those guys at least to tell someone where they're heading, and couch it as say a work trip, or something where the whole of the truth isn't revealed, but there's a trail.  We all have to be cognizant of the potential dangers out there.  Folks will lie to you.  Folks will do you harm.  We have to be vigilant.

[RideMyBlkDik]

We all have to be cognizant of the potential dangers out there.  Folks will lie to you.  Folks will do you harm.  We have to be vigilant.

Yes sir.  Unfortunately sometimes our sex drive is in high gear so common sense goes out the window.

[PhoenixGeoff]

This is a real advantage to bathhouses.  They offer places to lock up valuables.  They get identification from everyone coming in.  There will be people around if things go sideways.

 

In my own case, I'm fortunate enough to be a pretty big guy.  I'm 6'4", 230 pounds, fairly muscular.  I spent time in the Army and have worked blue collar jobs and I look like it.  So I don't look like an easy target.  Which means I've never run into this situation.

[KindaBasic]

There have been many cases where guys put up a Craigslist ad saying "ass up/door unlocked" and the guy gets the snot beat out of him...

That's why I refuse to do the "door unlocked" or "it's dark" scenarios. I'm also suspect of guys who want to meet in the garage or someplace like that. I won't even invite people to my place until we've met in a public space first.