Safe Only Poz Guys!

[piercedslut]

Has anyone else come across the curious phenomenon of poz guys who insist on safe only?

To me it's a bigger turn off than safe only neg guys.

I understand some don't want to get other stis, but to have a blanket no bb rule seems crazy.

I get the feeling with some of them they aren't truly okay with being poz, as if they feel they are dirty.

Has anyone else come across this or is it just me? What are your thoughts?

[BiAggieGuy]

I've seen a few on A4A.  As you already mentioned, some might want to avoid any other kind of STD.  I think others just do not want to take any chance to give HIV to another person, not that they feel dirty.  To them, it's just the responsible thing to do, and I can't fault them for that.  It mostly seems to be older guys, those who grew up or were already adults during the 80s and 90s, when HIV was seen as a sure death sentence.

[einathens]

you have to respect their choices, just as they should respect yours, even if you don't agree.

 

the load belongs to the top, not the bottom. it's theirs to give, not yours to take.

 

that said, I get cruised a lot by 'safe only' poz guys, and when I point out our incompatibility, quite a few say that that's just for show, that they secretly play raw.

 

you never know unless you ask.

[Guest mspsubmale]

just had this happen a couple of weeks ago, too!  met him thru poz personals and he said he was basically undetectable from the meds he was taking.  let me suck his cock  (and a very large one at that), and started to take me bareback.  mentioned that due to a previous medical condition, that he didn't precum (?).  a while into fucking me, he stopped and put on a condom, explaining that he didn't want to take any chances of infecting me, even though his hvl was extremely low and basically non-existant.  I had already told him that I trusted his undetectability that it wasn't necessary for the condom, but as noted in a previous response here...it was more his decision than mine about how he wanted to cum. 

I had assumed that I might have found the one to convert me;  I mean, here's this guy that I find on a POZ dating site, and he ends up using a condom when he cums from fucking me!?!?!

haven't been back to see him yet, but will look forward to meeting again, and through time, may finally get him to cum in me...may not convert me, but still....I'm very willing to have him in me bare....

[LKMike]

Had an A4A guy block me yesterday. He sent me a smile and i replied. We chatted then he asked if i wanted to hook up. i said yes, he said he was poz undetectable and i said i saw that on his profile, and was cool with it. He then said he wanted to fuck me and that he used condoms so it was safe. i said he didnt have to and research shows undetectable poz guys are the safest guys to get bred by and i just tested hiv- and std free last week so safe for him to breed, He just said he didnt do bb and when i went to reply and say it was upto him he had blocked me!

[seaguy]

I have seen poz guys who insisted on safe only because they worried about getting a different strain of HIV, or reinfected.

[KindaBasic]

I don't find it that odd. Often it seems we only associate rubbers with just HIV, but there is a myriad of other things out there. Or maybe, as already suggested, they are just trying to responsible. If a guy is not into BB it's his choice and I try to respect it.

[bearbandit]

The chance of getting a new strain of HIV while you're on treatment is pretty damn remote: three drugs to mutate against and that 1.4% chance of infection (since it would be as though the bottom wasn't taking ARVs at all with the top's virus resistant to all of the bottom's drugs. It's reckoned that the number of time re-infection or super-infection (same thing really) happens per year can be counted on the fingers of one hand, with a couple of digits to spare.

 

My personal take on this is that especially around the time of diagnosis many poz guys find themselves not so much a human being as a walking infection, paranoid about every little splash of piss, trickle of saliva and so on. We know intellectually that that's nonsense, but tell that to your gut. When I was first diagnosed it took me about a year to stop carrying around sticking plasters "in case of a cut" everywhere I went. It's not uncommon for men to lose their libido after being diagnosed: sex is too much of a risk. Why do so many men feel like this? Because the media tells them to. Because you can casually mention that fact that you're poz in a bar and see the guy you're talking to mentally taking three steps back away from you.

 

Another reason can be that a guy looks at the crap he's put up with because of HIV and really does not want to be the cause of someone else going through something similar. 

I broke a promise to myself in that I was only ever going to get involved with poz guys in future. Then I met a neg-at-last-test guy... Although my general health is pretty lousy one thing I do know is that my HIV numbers are all the right way round, so I have no problems sticking a hand in his butt or him fucking me. I work on the rule that the most cautious guy involved sets the limits. Frankly I'd rather use toys than a condom, which, when he's hot enough is what happens if his risk assessment tells him he needs condoms. The guy who wanted a condom for a blowjob got a lecture in HIV transmission (he was working on information from 1991 - he actually remembered the date when he'd heard the advice), and shown to the front door: just because his risk assessment is "tighter" than mine doesn't mean that I still have to have sex with him.

And even though I'm pretty non-infectious with a recent viral load of 40 or so, and even though I know any virus in my cum is not going to be anywhere near enough to establish an infection in someone else, I'm uneasy with that risk. For me pozzing someone is strictly for roleplay.

Almost all the keeping sex as safe as possible, keeping risks within your limits have been aimed at HIV- men, to encourage them to stay that way. There's very little for poz men, even though we have limits too. If your risk assessment and his risk assessment coincide - great: go fuck. If there are serious differences, discuss them if appropriate but don't ever end up doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable or force your ideas on to someone else. Remember, it's about having fun...

[averageslut48]

Well, everybody makes his own decisions. Some poz guys feel guilty because of barebacking. I don´t like that, but i have to accept it. Of course I prefer poz guys, who fuck bare. That is my decision. And they have to accept, that I deal with the risk.

[bbinbpark]

Everyones situation is different.  It's easy to speculate.  These guys are being upfront about their HIV status, but is it status that they had high risk factors to get?  Did they get their status from intentionally barebacking?  Its very easy to judge, and I'm guessing there's many reasons they might want to do what they believe to be the responsible thing.  There's plenty of other options for us to BB with, so if you come across someone like this just move on.