Ending A New Relationship

[RWHID]

I finally started a new relationship, if you can call it that. I met a guy on Grindr (I know, never get in a relationship with a guy from a hookup app). He is 18, was 60 miles away, and he seems very mature for his age. We clicked well during chatting for a few weeks. We both decided to date, he came down and has stayed here for about two weeks now. He doesn't seem to want to do anything. He says he wants to get a job, but I have to hound him to do the applications, and when he gets to the point of submission, he always closes it off and says he will do it later? His excuse is that his ID and SS card are at his mom's house, who supposedly won't send them to him. He is very clingy, and I do not like that at all. I use to be, then I got out of it. I can't go to the next room without him wanting to know where I'm going and why. He always wants to kiss, I like to too, but he wants to every 30 minutes it seems, and if I act like I don't want to, he will get up in my face and not stop until I sass him or give in. I HATE IT. He also talks way too much during shows that I watch, and telling him to flat out "shut up" doesn't seem to help at all!! Today is my birthday, and trying to be happy for a day... selfish me... I want him gone... ASAP... but I hate being mean. How do you explain you have nothing in common and it's time he went back home? Sad thing is his mom kicked him out for being gay, so he said, though she knows he's here and even asked if he was coming back. I don't know. He brought one bag of clothes, and that's it. Nothing else. I am not going to support him when I can barely support myself. Maybe I am mint to be alone? Right now it seems that's all I want. Is there a way to explain a relationship just isn't working and it needs to end before it goes further without hurting him??

[Guest GoodExercise]

Do not let help play you.  Be the boss.  Say what you want.  He will get over it.  Be clear.  Be decisive, and do not go back.

[topstud127]

Just end it. I don't know why he's already living with you/visiting long term if things are that new. 

Sounds like he isn't very secure [yet] and hasn't learned to balance a few things. You two aren't meshing, let him know and tell him its time to go.

[bottombottoy]

You need to tell him that while the relationship was good to begin with he isnt the person you thought he would be and that the two of you need to move on. 

Just apologize and and ask him to leave. Never settle. 

[bbzh]

He's too young for you.

I'm surprised you let him move in. 

Sorry, but the bit about the mom kicking him out does not mean you need to become his legal guardian.

 

If you are going to pull boys off Grindr in search of more than just sex, you need to screen the guys better. 

 

I do hope you will be gentle with this kid. I actually hold you more responsible than I do him for how this has turned out because you're older. It sounds like you were perfectly fine to play along until you got tired of him, and now you want some sort of validation for wanting to kick him to the curb. 

 

What goes around comes around so proceed with caution.

[RWHID]

Well, I don't just pull boys off of Grindr. I made it clear from the start I don't like trying for a relationship with guys on apps, but he insisted he was difference. I think in the next day or so I will talk to him. If I upset him today, more will suffer. He already told me he's not the one to upset. I just can't do it. I felt bad, he didn't tell me he had been kicked out twice until he was here. He also said his cousin told him to stay, even though I insisted on him just visiting for a few days to see how it would work out, but wouldn't have it. I'm a very nice person, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

 

Also, I don't know how I "played around" with him, when I have been 100% honest about everything.

[bbzh]

You let your desire for this 18 year old cloud your judgment. 

An unemployed 18 year old can't do anything for me except fuck me and head on back out the door. If it's good sex, I'll give him some cash. 

 

After you extract yourself from this situation, take a moment and reflect on what you did to get yourself into this situation. And then learn from that. 

 

Figure out what you really want. What are your deal breakers? For me, he must work, have good hygiene, be respectful, not clingy and not abuse any substances. 

 

By the way, a good and fast way to learn all you need to know about a person is to go on a 1 week vacation with them. There's really no hiding who you really are. You see how the person handles money, unfamiliar situations, how they eat, who is blowing up their phone etc. I swear by this.

[KindaBasic]

We all make mistakes, so no judgement here. As for how, I doubt that you will find a way to break up with him that will not hurt his feelings, but it is best to be honest now before it gets totally ugly. Be as kind and respectful as possible, but firm, and set a nonnegotiable deadline for him to be out of your place. I hope the best for both of you.

[cadet93]

I just ended a 8yr relationship...... I feel OK, it wasn't mine

[einathens]

one thing that I learned years ago from being an adult in a college town is that some of those boys know how to fuck, but they don't know how to leave. they haven't learned it yet, and you have to teach them. quickly.

 

 

the polite way to phrase it is 'we both know this isn't working, neither of us are getting what we need. we're both grown men, and we both realize it's over.'

 

then you watch him pack his stuff. buy him a bus ticket back to his hometown, block him on all social media, delete him from your phone and change the locks on your doors.

[KindaBasic]

...then you watch him pack his stuff. buy him a bus ticket back to his hometown, block him on all social media, delete him from your phone and change the locks on your doors.

Great advice, "einathens". Completely cutting ties might seem like a dick move, but it's necessary.

[cadet93]

When he finally is gone, you can't give in to the urge to pick up the phone and call him, or to go by and see him. Don't look for him online. Don't think about the good times without thinking and remembering vividly the bad times... Once you do this, you will wonder why you waited so long.......

[Guest bearbackgemini]

It almost sounds like he's an 18 year old. Lol.

[bberik]

Do like an 18-year-old would do: End it with an sms.

[RWHID]

I'm back. We discussed it. After I ended it he still stayed here until Sunday. His ex passed away after being hit by a car, mine went to prison. We both realized we were both still dealing with issues from our past and that it's best we do our own thing. He admitted he needed to grow up, and I love that about him. We are still friends, chat every day since he went back home. I think this might be the first non sexual gay friend I have, well, ignoring the one time sex we did have. LOL