Fixed on Chasing the Bug

[Hotload84]

I think Gay Men have it all over Straight Men when it cums to losing their Virginity because we can do it three ways. First you fuck a guy; and, second, the guy fucks you; and third, the guy KNOCKS YOU UP. Do I make myself clear?

I've always been kind of Anal, even before I knew that two guys could Fuck and all about AIDS. FUCKING has always been a fixation with me, and when HIV came along, it was like Color TV. I had to be the first on my block to have it.

At age 6 I remember my best friend finger-fucking me. I can be sure of my age because his family moved away after first grade; and, sadly, we never saw each other again.

A few years later, I got this little toy rocket for Christmas, a simple thing really. It was hard plastic, about 6 inches long and thick as your finger. It fit tightly on a small base. The trick to it was to pour baking soda and vinegar into it, jam it onto the base; and the chemical reaction would send it soaring into the air. Exciting as my new toy was, I soon tired of it. But I kept the little rocket; and at 14, it became my first “Dildo.”

There was this boy in class I had a crush on. He was blonde, blue eyed, athletic, and a genuinely nice guy. Why wouldn’t I name my rocket after him? It wasn't until years later that the Freudian slip of naming my “Dildo” after my “Idol” sank in. In spite of my anal play and good grades, I was a very naïve kid.

Most of my early sexual experience consisted of hand jobs and some oral. From 17 on, I met guys who wanted to Fuck. I really wanted to accommodate them, but it never worked out. I was too shy, too insecure, too tense, and too TIGHT. Every time I tried it, the PAIN was intense. I couldn't relax; and to my displeasure, I remained—a Virgin.

When I was 20, I met Jay at a Frat Party. He was a cute Blonde with a killer smile, blue eyes, 6' tall, and very slim. He invited me back to his place. Once in the sack, I was amazed at what a kind and gentle lover he was. We made out forever, kissing and hugging, creating big ugly hickeys. Then he said the words I dreaded to hear.

“DO YOU FUCK?"

Oh, Man, did I want it! Between the conversation we'd had at the Party, and the tenderness and passion he displayed in the Bedroom, I was really turned on. And I wanted Him to be the one to take my Cherry.

But there was a problem—a thick 8” problem jutting straight out of his Crotch. The other guys who had tried to fuck me were all smaller, and it hadn't worked out.

I told him I was a Virgin, that I had tried it before, with no luck. He lay me on my back, pushed my legs in the air, and tongue-fucked me. Then, applying a ton of lube, he pressed in. I felt the familiar, excruciating PAIN.

He stopped, but the PAIN didn't, so he withdrew.

"WELL, SOMEONE’S GONNA GET FUCKED HERE TONIGHT; AND I GUESS IT’S GONNA BE ME."

He put some lube on my dick, rolled over on his belly, and, guided me into his hole. I pushed in, and while he was tight, he didn't resist like I had; and my six-inches slowly slid in. I lay there a moment, letting his inner heat engulf me, feeling his sphincter draw me into him, desperately trying not to cum on the spot.

Jay and I were Lovers for months, but our relationship was never really consummate—because he couldn’t screw me. One night, after we’d split, I was feeling extra horny and returned to the Campus. I had dropped out of school, but went back on occasion to visit friends or hang out.

I’d discovered this Gay Bar on the edge of the Campus. Plus there was a Cruising area near the Admin Building called “The Wall.” First, I checked out The Wall, but there was nobody there; so I headed over to the Bar.

After three rums-and-cokes, I was noticeably weaving and debated whether I could safely drive home. Hoping the jaunt might sober me up, I returned to The Wall. I passed by a Blonde in his 20’s. I looked over my shoulder, and he was gazing my way. He did an about face and got right to the point.

"Hi. I'm Chris. Got a place?"

I explained that I lived with my parents some 40 miles away. He said he had an apartment off Campus, but we’d have to be quiet so as not to awaken his Roomie. I learned he was a Grad Student and that he was POZ, but that he’d PLAY SAFE if I wanted.

The wheels started to churn. POZ? I’d never been with a POZ man before—that I knew of. What would it be like to take a lethal dose of POZ JIZZ, knowing it had the potential to kill? And, in turn, to have the Power of Life and Death over others? WHAT A GIFT! I knew I had to have it! My raging hardon strained against the fabric of my briefs.

I must have gotten real quiet, because he said: “Look, If IT bothers you, forget it.”

“I’m not sure of my Status. Guess I’ve lost track….” [i’d tested NEG two weeks before.] “…So it doesn’t really matter. In fact, I prefer to play BARE.”

He grunted his assent.

When we reached the apartment, he grabbed a couple of beers from the Frig and we settled down in the Living Room. Talking in whispers, we drank and undressed.

The couch was small, noisy and uncomfortable, so we ended up on the carpet. Before I knew it, Chris hoisted my legs in the air. He pressed my thighs into my chest, and kissed me. He greased up his dick, and liberally applied lube to my hole, slowly working one finger in, then another and another. He slid in me, A VERY FULL FEELING, but NO PAIN! Soon, he had shaft buried in my Cunt.

He rose up to apply more leverage. He pounded me harder and faster, plowing his Pole into me, hitting my Prostate, making me quiver.

He rolled me over and entered me from behind. He kept plugging away, like a Fucking Machine. It struck me that I was no longer a “Virgin.” I found that hilarious, and I giggled.

His face flushed with Anger; and he said he was about to fill me with POZ JIZZ, and see if I could laugh about that.

Laugh I did not. On the contrary, I bucked up against him to welcome the Toxic Intrusion. As he started to shoot, my ass muscles contracted around him. His Venomous Load spewed up my Mancunt. I thanked him, we kissed, and I left.

As I walked back towards the Bar, I could feel my cummy ass cheeks squishing together. At last I’d found the MISSING LINK: IT TOOK HIV TO FULFILL ME. I giggled my way across Campus and strolled back into the Bar. I'm sure not a few of the patrons wondering WHO had made me so happy. But it wasn’t a WHO—it was AIDS.

The next day, I went to see Jay. I told him the news.

"I DID IT! GOT FUCKED! I FINALLY GOT FUCKED!"

In one long, breathless sentence, I told him the story, but I could see that something was wrong.

"You’re one sick puppy, Eddie. He was POZ—and you let him do you BAREBACK. I feel sorry for you, Eddie.”

Realizing it was over between us, I said my good-byes and walked out.

As you might suspect, tight as I was, I converted on my very first Fuck.

Jay and I never did talk again, except for a glancing nod at the Bar. At the end of summer, he moved to Phoenix, and we completely lost touch. I entered into a relationship with another POZ dude and moved in.

As for Chris? I met him and his Lover (the mysterious Roomie whom we’d tried not to disturb), and the three of us got to be buddies. I never told Chris he’d been MY FIRST and MY POZ BENEFACTOR.