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Hateful Cum


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2002

Has there ever met someone that you instantly hated for no good reason? For me that person was Matt.

"Matt" was what he went by, but his real name was 'Ahmat" or something like that. He was from the Middle East somewhere. He was hired by my boss to work on our staff and I hated him from the first day. I didn't know why exactly. I wasn't in the grips of hate for the Middle East that had struck our country after 9/11 and was further inflamed by the Bush administration. I was, and always will be, a bleeding heart liberal. Maybe it was because he was my age and I'd always been the youngest guy in my department -- I was 'The Boy Wonder'. Possibly it was his dark good looks that intimidated me. I wasn't a bad-looking man, but Matt was smoldering. Seriously. The guy had a gorgeous five o'clock shadow at 11 am. I hadn't grown up enough to recognize how destructive jealousy can be. Or maybe it was because he was cordial and well-liked by everybody. I just decided he was 'arrogant'. I was certain he thought he was better than me in every way. So I hated him. Hated everything about him.

He had a cellphone and I didn't. He dressed fashionably and I was super casual. Every time he tried to make small talk with me, I'd just glare at him and answer with one or two words. He seemed a bit confused by my hostility because I was pals with most everybody else in the office. Eventually he gave up trying to get to know me. I would just stew in hatred every single time I saw him. I was in therapy back then and I brought the subject of Matt to her. She agreed that some of it was envy, but she brought up something I'd never thought of...

"Often, hate is irrational. Sometimes we hate a person because we recognize some aspect of ourselves in. Maybe there's something you hate about yourself that you see in Matt".

I didn't dismiss the idea, but he and I shared nothing in common except our age. I kept thinking of her words and trying to work it out for myself

The dismal holiday season was approaching and our boss had decided we needed to have a Christmas gathering. Ugh. I hated forced mirth. But at least there would be free booze. We all met up at a martini bar after work one cold night and the mood had been generally light that whole day. So I was happy because I didn't think people from the Middle East could drink alcohol or even be around it so Matt wouldn't be there. All twelve of us settled at a large table in this trendy place. I'd never had a martini before, but wanted to try one. Nobody had warned me how powerful they were or told me to sip them and not chug them like beer. I got really happy really fast. We were all laughing and having a decent time when Matt walked in. Of course he had a really nice, stylish coat and was dressed up. He was wearing these expensive -looking leather shoes -- with no socks. What the hell? It was December. My mood declined when he sat right across from me. It was the only open chair. Bummer.

He ordered a martini and was his usual popular self with all our coworkers. I sulked and stewed. Most of the guys I worked with had families and so the party kept getting smaller as people left. And then it was just the two of us left. I ordered two more martinis while he was still working on his first. That made me irrationally angry. Well, self-control wasn't the thing we had in common. He didn't even notice we were the only ones left because he was constantly on his goddamn cellphone. Talking quietly in his whatever language. He held a pinkie in his non-phone ear to block out the noise from other people. Arrogant. 

When he finished his conversation he looked around and noticed it was just us left. He felt as awkward as I felt drunk.  I needed to order a Coke or something to sober up. I only lived a few a few streets over, but this town had an abundance of cops. A DUI would really wreck the night. When the waitress arrived, I ordered a soda.

"Don't like martinis so much?"

He actually spoke to me. I was feeling a tug-of-war between surprise and anger.

"Actually too much. I've had five already".

He smiled brilliantly. Perfect white teeth of course.

"Here. Finish mine. I have a bad stomach and it's giving me fits right now".

I had a roll of Tums in my pocket and offered him a couple. He chewed them appreciatively.

I went back and forth from the soda the waitress brought and his mostly full martini. The tension was gone and he looked right at me.

"Can I ask you something?"

I was preparing myself for what I knew he was going to ask.

"Why do you dislike me so much?"

"I've been trying to figure that out" I said, staring down at the table "Maybe I just don't like how arrogant you are".

"What? How?"

"You think you're so perfect. You dress better than anybody and look perfect and are good at everything. You probably have a perfect life".

I was drunk for sure. There was silence and I expected him to leave.

"You really think I have a perfect life? Seriously?"

Thank God it was Friday. I had the whole weekend to forget this exchange of words. On Monday I could just go back to hating him like normal.

"Want to know who I was on the phone with?"

He was so beautiful. "Your girlfriend?"

"No. My mother who I live with. She has bone cancer and is going through chemo. She doesn't speak English and I'm the only person in the world she has to talk to".

"Oh. Sorry".

"You think I have a perfect life? I'm the only child of two immigrants from India. I was a baby when we got here. My dad dropped dead when I was three and we were so poor and then homeless for a year. My Mom did her best to find work and make sure I went to school. We scrapped and saved and survived. I bet your childhood was better".

I looked down, ashamed. "Yeah".

"Once I was old enough, I worked any terrible job I could find. I was 19 when I first started whoring".

Whoa. i sucked as a human.

"Yeah. I was out on the streets of St. Louis every single night. I caught every disease you can name. My health isn't so great now and I take about nine pills a day. I like to dress up because I feel like nice clothes because I feels like it disguises my past. Hides me".

I lowered my head and felt so much shame. Instinctively, I reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"I'm so, so sorry".

"Now I've got a good job and my only living relative is dying. How's that for 'perfect'?"

I looked up and saw that he was looking right at me. We'd avoided eye contact for so long that I forgot how extremely handsome this man was.

"I apologized. I'll be different now. I'll be nice".

I realized my voice sounded like a child's. I needed to leave now. I stood up and wobbled a little. 

"Let me drive you home. You're a little out of it".

"Please".

He led me out into the cold night, with his arm around my back. We got to his car -- which was way more modest than I would have ever guessed. It was junk, basically. Who knew? We got in and before either of us could fasten our seat belts, we started kissing. Maybe it was the booze or the intimacy of the conversation, but we made out for a good ten minutes right there in the parking lot. His stubble had rubbed my lips raw and his mouth tasted like some sort of paradise. There was an eventual stopping point. The heat had kicked on and he had talk radio on.

"My mom always played talk or sports on the radio to help me speak English better".

"I'd like to meet her".

"Really? I'd love that! We're not far from our house. She's probably still awake, but she might not be feeling well right now. We can check and maybe watch TV or something".

"Great".

Were we boyfriends now? I had no experience at anything like this. I'd just had my first kiss five minutes ago. 

"Are you warm enough?"

"Yeah. Why don't you ever wear socks?"

He laughed. "You're drunk. And very American. We're always barefoot at home and I just hate wearing shoes, let alone socks. You grew up on a farm, right?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Oh, I've asked around. I wanted to know more about you and what you were all about".

Wow. I wondered what he heard, but we were suddenly at his house. It was very small and in a kind of crappy neighborhood. He parked in the crumbling driveway and insisted on getting out first and helping me up to the door. He nuzzled my neck a little. We kissed again for a few seconds and then he unlocked the door. I smelled garlic right away. I mean it had soaked into everything. Or maybe the smell was curry. Didn't Indian people eat lots of curry? I was such a hick. Matt kicked off his shoes right away. His feet were so hairy. I stood there dumbly with my coat still on. 

"Let me have your coat. She's got the thermostat on really high. I'll go see if she's still awake".

I stood there in the front room and looked around. Everything was so neat and yet kind of chaotic at the same time. It seemed foreign. 

Barefooted Matt came back and said "She's passed out, but her breathing is good and steady".

I smiled. "Good".

"We can go watch TV in my room if you want".

"OK"

"At least take off your shoes. It's weird to see shoes in this house".

So I stepped out of my loafers and arranged them neatly by the door. He led me to his room and I noticed it was small. Very small. My childhood bedroom was bigger. He clicked the television on, and It was that stupid comedy channel where they never show anything comical at all. He turned the volume way down. The TV was the only light we had which was fine by me. I was sure my eyes were red...and his were so beautiful.  

"Well, I'm going to get comfortable". He then stripped down to nothing. He was the hairiest man I'd ever seen. I could barely see his dick through all the bush he had down there. I guess he saw me looking.

"Why don't you get naked too, Farm Boy".

So I did. And then we laying on his twin bed, on top of the covers because it was so warm in here. I was lost. Where was this going? I wondered if I should do something or just try to sleep or watch whatever shit was on. He answered for me by climbing on top of me. He just stayed there and we looked at each other. God, he was hairy! And we was sweaty. He stretched out one arm and turned a bedside lamp. 

"I want you to see and remember everything about tonight. Promise you're not too drunk to remember this".

"I'm good, Matt".

"We'll see".

He kissed me and ground his hips on mine for a long time. I felt his big boner and really wanted to see it. All of this was new.

"If you really want me to see everything, you'll show me that dick of yours".

He spread his knees and sat up. There it was. "Glorious" is the only word I had. It was beautiful like the rest of him. Not huge or anything, but very healthy-sized and hard as a rock. At first I thought he was uncut, but he wasn't....the doctor had just left him with a nice amount of foreskin. Or maybe he was. I had never seen another dick this close before. 

"You like?"

"Can I kiss it?"

He got lower and I took the head in my mouth. He didn't force anything at all. He left it up to me to suck as much of it as I wanted. He said something foreign under his breath and groaned. I was actually do this right. Amazing. I took him deeper and grabbed his perfect ass to let him know that he could take over. Oh boy, did he. He was riding my mouth for a while and getting more forceful. I wondered if he would ejaculate and wondered if I really wanted him to. And then he lifted away from me.

"I don't want to cum anywhere near you, Farm Boy. We should stop now. We'll jerk off together or something".

I pulled him back down to me and we kissed. Then I urged him up higher so I could have his butt on my face. I just wanted that. Badly. 

"Not the greatest idea, kid".

I didn't listen to him. I pushed my lips up between his cheeks and planted a big kiss on his hole. He started to hesitate, but I held his legs and knew it was feeling good to him. And then he gave up and started to hump my mouth with his ass. I used my tongue and passion to guide his pleasure. I knew I what was doing somehow. He started moaning and muttering words in his language. But then it stopped. 

"We can't go any further!"

"What if I want to?"

"We can't because I have AIDS, you dumb hick!"

"I'm not dumb".

"Sorry. I just want to protect you. You're green and don't know anything".

"I know I want you to make love to me".

"No way. I don't even have condoms".

"Perfect".

"You don't know what you're asking for".

"I'm not even asking at this point, Matt. You will fuck me!"

He surrendered and started spreading my legs far apart. He planted that hairy dick in my ass. It hurt, but not horribly like I'd always thought. I'd felt more pain before -- just not in that spot. 

"God, this is a mistake".

But he started thrusting, giving in to his natural urge to plant seed. His pace quickened and I reached around to grab his ass to make sure he didn't try to pull out. And then he wasn't moving anymore. He was completely still and whispering foreign words. 

We lay side by side silently for a minute or two. 

"Are you OK? Did I hurt you?"

"I feel perfect".

"We'll see".

We slept together and I got to feel his hairy warmth all night. Matt's hairy feet were cold though, and I woke up every time they touched my leg, but I was so in love with him that I didn't care. 

So now we're a couple. I'm HIV+ and he hates that, but I'm strangely loving it.

I told him "Now you have more family. We share the same DNA".

 

 

 

 

 

 

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