In love with a blind person

[Sharp-edge]

Some days ago a patient came to my office !(dentist here) with his mother. He needed several appointments so we came to know each other a little better. He was quite scared (drills are scary for many people, imagine for someone who can't even see it) so i was touching him to relax and talked. One day his mother told him that she needs to go for a business trip so our appointments should go after that. I told her that i can return him home if he's my last appointment and we agreed. With him, we've talked a little more and we've had lunch and dinner together. We're not friends but we got close. I'm in love with him. I don't know how to tell him that, i don't know if he's even gay. I kinda feel he's lonely and he's happy when with me. I don't want him to be lonely again. What can I do? He's 29 i'm 26

[NLbear]

That's sweet. First you need to find out if he's gay or straight. Easy enough to find out during lunch or dinner. Just ask him if he has a girlfriend. No? Boyfriend then maybe? Reaction should tell you something. If he's straight you may have to settle for just becoming friends. Don't burden a straight guy with the fact that you are in love with him. If he's lonely he can use all the friends he can get. Straight or gay. If he's gay thread carefully and become friends first. Just my few cents.

[Sharp-edge]

I'm trying to understand how a blind person can figure is he is gay or straight. I think he'll feel uncomfortable if i ask him if he has a bf but i can try it. I've got the impression that he is virgin. I also doubt he's got friends, he's only got his parents and his sister. I''ve never felt like that before.

[fuckrogerbb]

Can you just love him as a friend. You may have to be ready for that. If you can't I wouldn't go there. He obviously likes you and enjoys your company. He probably is lonely and appreciates your company. Maybe it could become more. Good luck!

[Sharp-edge]

In the back of my mind there's always the thought that we could just be friends. But i'm so in love with him, I've never felt like that before. We touch a lot, I guess it's his way of understanding his environment and communicating. My friend told me that it will be difficult if we end up together i will always have to help him and i will be the one to bring money in our house. But I don't care. I "feel" his pain, he doesn't deserve to be lonely. I know this is not the place for love confessions but i really have no other place to turn to.

[NLbear]

This is the General Discussion section. You can ask anything. Doesn't have to be about sex only.

I agree with Roger that it may be difficult to be 'just friends' if you're in love with him. I don't know where you are but in my part of the world it is almost standard now that men/women are asked if they have a girlfriend OR a boyfriend. But I realise that is not so common yet in other countries. Bring up the topic casually and if he says 'no' to the gf question just 'jokingly' ask the 'bf' question. Or you may just casually mention an ex-bf in a conversation (don't know if you have one) or mention that you have been attracted to "a man" in the past and see how he responds.

I admit it will be difficult, certainly if he only has family and no friends. He may not be used to discuss things like that with you (maybe even not with his family) or the conversations you have with him do not allow to touch this topic. But if you want to pursue a relationship with him you will need to know if that is even a possibility. If he's straight it will only cause you pain if you keep hoping.

I don't know how blind people know if they're gay or straight either, certainly if they have been blind all of their lives (lacks the visual aspect I guess? Don't know).

I admire how you feel about him and want to take care of him. Take him out again to lunch or dinner and try to find out more about his personal life. At least then you know if there is a chance or not.

[Sharp-edge]

It's not very okay to be gay in my country. I live in Greece. If you ask someone if he is gay he'll get offended or he will think he looks effeminate which he'll make him sad. I asked today him if he's dated someone before he said that he hasn't. He told me that he doesn't have close friends. He asked me why i asked him to go for dinner the first time and i told him cause i want to know him better. He smiled when i said that. I'm trying to see his eyes if i can get to see his emotions in his eyes.. but i can't. His eyes look uhm.. strange. They are blue but it's kinda like a foggy blue with no retina. I can't decide if it's scary or just unique.

[BlindRawFucker1]

Hello,

 

As a blind, gay man, I always find it strange when people ask how did I know I was gay.  The simple answer is, "I just knew."

 

I love the sound of certain male voices.  The scent of a man is intoxicating.  And, of course, the body parts are fun to play with.

 

He may not be gay or straight.  He could be asexual.

 

Continue being his friend.  As you begin to know him better, you may pick up on little signals.  As he begins to know you better, he may feel more comfortable with you and open up about his sexuality.

 

Eitherway, he needs a friend.  Be that friend.  Be happy with that friendship if that's all it may be.

 

I'm in the opposite boat.  I'm a blind guy in love with a straight, sighted guy.  He knows I'm gay, but I'm not going to tell him how I feel about him.  The friendship and his support is very much enough.  He may even know how I feel, but is also too worried about ruining our friendship

 

Again, if nothing else, just be his friend.  We all need friends.

[Sharp-edge]

I didn't expect to find someone blind here maybe you can help me

I try to have a good time with him but sometimes i tell him stupid things without noticing like going to the movies or something. I'm also quite shy because his mother is always in the house when i pay him a visit. What kind of activity can we do together to have fun? 

[BlindRawFucker1]

What is wrong with talking about going to the movies?  Nothing!  Ask him if he might possibly b interested in going to one.  If so, you can quietly whisper to him what is happening on the screen.  Ask him in advance how much information he wants from the movie.

 

What else would you like to do with him?  You went to dinner, that's good.

Go for a drive maybe.

 

The easiest way to find out what might be a fun activity with him is "just ask him."

 

As a side note, blind people do "watch" TV and go to sporting events also.

 

Don't be afraid to use the terms: "see, watch" or other visual terms.

 

Just take time and build a friendship.  You will both learn what the other enjoys doing.

 

If he is gay, great!  If he's not,a lifelong friendship could be made.

 

No matter which, you'll have to eventually come out to him as gay, unless he figures it out himself.

[Sharp-edge]

It's just that i don't want him to feel offended in any way. You're right i could just ask him what he wants to do. We touch a lot each other, i don't know if it counts as something or not i tend to believe that by touching is his way to "See". I like staring at his face without him knowing i feel like it helps me to know him better. But my heart aches when i see his eyes. He says he can understand when i'm smiling from my voice. It's a whole new world for me.

[LittleCav]

Get closer to him and become better friends.  Build trust with him and he will trust you.  Then, when he's not looking (just kidding) make your slow, careful and gentle move to fuck him - or for him to fuck you.  You know this is where you want this to go - so just do it.  I have never fucked a blind bloke but damn I would love to.  You are a vey luck chap!  Go for it and nail his ass!  Tony

[Sharp-edge]

I want to fuck him but i don't want him to be in pain, if he is a virgin as I suspect it will be difficult. Usually i think of hugging him and sleeping with him. I like being in love.

[skinster]

I think you're trying to deal with a few issues you are not identifying yet. And I'd say don't rush the physical side of this before you'd be mentally and emotionally on a close page between you two.

Things you haven't said mostly relate to you. Aside from your appreciation of your newly found emotional state of attraction, you need to take inventory of your own side before you thread deeper. People with disabilities need a whole lot more confidence than regularly-abled persons - it compensates for them to a degree what they are missing. You mentioned he is not social, his mother is constantly helping him out with his impairment, and that is significantly limiting his own initiative. It is a very big warning sign. I don't know if that had gone too far so that he would not build for any more of it on his own, staying forever dependent on charity of other people. This is where you are jumping ahead without looking - if the guy is not social, he may not be well-equipped to judge his own feeling towards sexuality of either kind - his mother is cockblocking him all the time. If that's what she is doing, that is the most obnoxious parental disservice to a person with a physical disability. This is where you walk in all hot and heavy trying to get his pants off deciding who's fucking who now.

You need to understand your own emotional state first, because it sounds to me you're also mostly lonely yourself. It is hard as is for you. Seeing another lonely guy, and making a quick parallel, you heart is big enough to feel compassionately willing to reach out. And being gifted with Internet Age, it seems to be an illusion that you'd strike the ball out of the park with a single click of a button (i know, a US sports metaphor - I've been here too long) would transpire in real life. Such digital convenience and utility are fantastic and very misleading - human emotions take far longer to form and develop for anything other than a quicky in the heat of the moment. And if he is a person captured by his disability, he also may be needing extra time to say 'yes' or no' to any new physically-engaging idea - again, for lack of, or insufficient, confidence. And then it be ready and available to be openly (or willingly) verbalized by either side can be a huge hurdle. Again, if the other side is not ready to be at that stage, or can't join you opining in free flow on personal issues that deep - thread very-very carefully. Because his sensibilities are different from your own and you may not know by how much, and he can take offense where you don't mean any.

Again, I may be wrong - I can judge the situation only on what you have said so far, and there are very big chunks missing. If you have a social circle to rely on, offer to take him out of the house without his omnipresent mother and try to engage in regular non-sexual interactions. If you show that you're interested to understand how he perceives the world around him, public places can be helpful - lots of sounds, lots of movement. See whether it's touch or sound being central in his interactions. See what he likes. See if he'd willingly take initiative on movements, or rely only on your senses to navigate. You will need more props. May be it's a bar of ice cream. It's the insight you can't get out of an office visit to unfamiliar equipment. You need to know the person behind the dark glasses before you get involved in your own emotions thinking he likes you just as much - that's a fantasy until he verbalizes it himself. That is if he is identifying as gay of course. You don't know that yet.

And there are ethical issues there too - practitioners and patients usually are not engaging each other romantically. And if you feel comfortable around each other and come to find a new friendship, would you be upset if he turns out not to be gay? Would you then continue that relationship? Would you reach out again to offer your emotional support when he has a problem elsewhere?

If you're lucky enough to find a relationship - remember that it is not a given. Right now you have far more questions in front of you than answers. Just remember that hornliness and sex and intimacy are 3 separate and individual things, sometimes very personal.

Edited July 2, 2017 by skinster

[BlindRawFucker1]

Skinster, you are absolutely correct.

Build a friendship, then whatever happens, happens.

 

I'm sure that he does have sexual feelings.  But, for whom?  That needs to be known before there is any attempt at a sexual relationship.  And, he may be gay, but still not attracted to you in that way.

 

The cart is being put way before the horse.

 

As I said, no matter his sexuality, he's apparently interested in you as a friend.  It sounds as if he needs a friend right now, more than a sex partner.

 

Asking him what he might enjoy doing, or where he might be interested in going, won't offend him.  You will be showing him respect for his opinions and interests.

 

How well does he get around?  Does he use a white cane?  Obviously he doesn't have a guide dog.  Does he read braille, or get recorded books?  Does he have a computer?  Learn more about him, then tell him more about yourself.

 

If all else fails, ask his mother what he enjoys doing.  You haven't mentioned a father.  Is he in the picture?

 

Friendship, friendship, friendship.  Be a friend.

 

 

Edited July 2, 2017 by BlindRawFucker1