Tell Me Your Thoughts On Hookup Sites/Apps & Finding Sex

[NWUSHorny]

@BREEDmeRAW back when the BBRT quick connect feature actually worked, more than half of the guys posting the ads were at a bathhouse, ABS or a cruising spot. They weren't for the most part ads to meet at a house or hotel but in a public place. That changed when they turned the quick connect feature back on after COVID, and restricted it to paid users. Prior to COVID even free users could post ads, the only limitation was free users were limited to something like 10 messages a day, so you could easily run out of the ability to respond to messages from your ad.

[PozToxVersPig]

I did some research in to the evolution of sites.  Broken out by "Period" the below describes the various phases of the evolution of the ways gay men in the US have connected and met each other, and the technology evolutions that came with them.

Tomorrow, I have some interesting information about some of the trends ya'll noticed (flakes/spam/etc.) impacting the efficacy of the sites! 🙂

History and Timeline of Gay Men's Online Dating and Hookup Culture in the United States

PERIOD: Pre-1960s (Sickness Era)

Key Trends and Tactics
• Secret meetings in hidden spaces
• Subtle signals like eye contact or coded language
• Cruising in public areas

Description
Homosexuality was illegal and pathologized in the US, leading to high risks of arrest or violence. Gay men often met discreetly in speakeasies, basements, or behind fake walls in bars. Tactics included "cruising" (seeking anonymous encounters) in parks, restrooms, or theaters, using nonverbal cues to avoid detection. This era emphasized secrecy and community networks for safety.

Platforms/Tools
• No formal platforms
• Reliance on word-of-mouth
• Underground bars
• Public spaces (e.g., Central Park in NYC, public restrooms known as "tearooms")

End User Feedback
• High risk of raids and arrests created constant fear, but essential for any connection in a stigmatized era
• Subtle signals like eye contact or accessories (e.g., green carnation) were effective but nerve-wracking due to potential violence or rejection
• Provided thrilling, semi-anonymous encounters, fostering a sense of community despite dangers

PERIOD: 1960s-1970s (Liberation Era)

Key Trends and Tactics
• Emergence of visible gay spaces
• Cruising in bars, bathhouses, and outdoors
• Use of hankie codes for signaling interests

Description
Post-Stonewall (1969 riots), gay liberation movements increased visibility, though sodomy laws persisted until later. Tactics shifted to more open socializing in gay bars and clubs, with casual hookups in bathhouses or parks ("bushes"). The 1970s saw an explosion in cruising culture, including anonymous sex parties and signals like colored handkerchiefs (hankie code) to indicate preferences. AIDS fears began emerging late in the decade, tempering some activities.

Platforms/Tools
• Gay bars (e.g., Stonewall Inn)
• Bathhouses (e.g., Continental Baths in NYC)
• Cruising spots (e.g., parks, beaches)
• Personal ads in underground newsletters or magazines

End User Feedback
• Bathhouses offered discreet, exciting spaces for orgies and liberation, feeling like a "rite of passage" with fond memories of freedom pre-AIDS
• Bars and cruising spots built community and solidarity, but police raids remained a constant threat
• Hankie code was clever for signaling preferences, but some wished for safer, less clandestine options

PERIOD: 1980s (AIDS Era Begins)

Key Trends and Tactics
• Continued cruising but with caution
• Personal ads in print media
• Hidden speakeasies persisted in conservative areas

Description
The AIDS epidemic (starting 1981) hindered mainstream hookup culture but didn't stop it; many shifted to safer, more private connections. Tactics included ads seeking "houseboys" or partners, and cruising in bars or outdoors, though fear reduced participation. Gay men built solidarity through community support. Decriminalization in some states encouraged openness.

Platforms/Tools
• Print ads in magazines (e.g., Advocate)
• Early Bulletin Board Systems (BBS) like Backroom for dial-up connections (late 1980s)

End User Feedback
• Personal ads were discreet and led to meaningful connections via letters, but slow and hit-or-miss with negative language or restrictions in some papers
• Allowed covert meetings amid stigma, but users wished for faster, less risky alternatives
• Early BBS offered privacy, but limited access and tech barriers frustrated users

PERIOD: 1990s (Early Internet Era)

Key Trends and Tactics
• Dial-up online chats
• Personal ads evolve to digital
• Group chats leading to private meetups

Description
Internet access grew (from ~2.4% in 1994), enabling anonymous online connections amid ongoing stigma. Tactics involved banal banter in chat rooms to gauge interest before private messaging or in-person meets. AIDS awareness promoted safer sex discussions. Gay men adopted tech early for solidarity during the crisis.

Platforms/Tools
• BBS like Gay.Net (1993)
• AOL gay chat rooms
• Websites like Gay.com (1994)
• Gaydar (1999)

End User Feedback
• AOL chats (GayOL) were revolutionary for community and cybersex, with nostalgic fondness for word-based interactions
• Gay.com fun for hookups, fewer fakes initially, but some miss the thrill; great for teens seeking non-sexual support
• Dial-up glitches annoying, but privacy and 24/7 access transformative

PERIOD: 2000s (Web 2.0 and Mobile Shift)

Key Trends and Tactics
• Profile-based websites
• Emphasis on photos and quick messaging
• Home-based browsing over in-person scouting

Description
Broadband internet made sites more interactive. Tactics focused on "new message" alerts for efficiency, reducing time in bars. Sites catered to hookups with minimal text. The Lawrence v. Texas ruling (2003) decriminalized sodomy nationwide, boosting openness. Apps began emerging late in the decade.

Platforms/Tools
• Websites like Manhunt.net
• Adam4Adam.com
• PlanetRomeo (2002)
• OkCupid (2004, queer-friendly)
• Early mobile app Grindr (2009, geolocation-based)

End User Feedback
• Manhunt efficient for quick, targeted hookups; photo-based shift convenient but led to more superficial judgments
• Adam4Adam free and straightforward, but scammers and fakes became issues; users appreciated specificity in profiles
• Better than bars for efficiency, but some wished for less anonymity to reduce flakes

PERIOD: 2010s (App Dominance and Equality Era)

Key Trends and Tactics
• Geolocation apps for instant nearby connections
• "Less is more" profiles (photo + distance)
• Integration with social media

Description
Smartphone proliferation transformed hookups to on-the-go. Tactics: Quick swipes or taps for matches, often leading to immediate meets. Marriage equality (2015) normalized dating, but apps emphasized casual sex. Concerns arose over app addiction and safety.

Platforms/Tools
• Apps like Scruff (2010)
• Jack'd
• Hornet
• Tinder (2012, popular among gay users)
• Grindr's growth (10,000 downloads overnight post-launch)

End User Feedback
• Grindr instant and convenient for meets, but addictive and glitchy; users missed deeper connections
• Scruff safer, friendlier for "real men," with better filters; preferred over Grindr for masculine types
• Overall, easier but less personal; some wished for fewer fakes and more safety features

PERIOD: 2020s (Modern Hybrid Era)

Key Trends and Tactics
• App-based with AI/matching algorithms
• Return to in-person events post-COVID
• Focus on diverse identities and safety features

Description
Pandemic accelerated app use but sparked fatigue; tactics blend digital screening with real-world meets. Apps now include video chats and health badges (e.g., HIV status). Broader acceptance allows integration with mainstream social media, though cruising persists in niche forms.

Platforms/Tools
• Apps like Sniffies (2019, map-based)
• Grindr/Scruff updates
• Mainstream like Tinder/Bumble with queer filters
• Social platforms (e.g., Instagram, TikTok) for indirect connections

End User Feedback
• Sniffies direct and efficient for quick sex, no small talk; better than Grindr, with anonymous cruising appeal
• Grindr updates frustrating with ads, bots, glitches; users fleeing to alternatives like Sniffies/Scruff
• Scruff reliable, cheaper, functional; great for community and real connections
• Post-COVID fatigue; wish for better safety and less scams

SOURCES

Pre-1960s (Sickness Era) and early cruising history:

·        George Chauncey's Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940 (1994 book, foundational for public cruising spots like Central Park's "Fruited Plain") — [think before following links] https://www.supersummary.com/gay-new-york/summary/ or [think before following links] https://search.worldcat.org/title/Gay-New-York-:-gender-urban-culture-and-the-makings-of-the-gay-male-world-1890-1940/oclc/29877871

·        Brian Gerald Murphy's "A Brief History of Gay Cruising" (covers raids, molly houses, and pre-internet tactics) — [think before following links] https://www.briangerald.com/history-gay-cruising

·        Bearwww blog: "Gay Cruising: From Clandestine Origins to the Digital Era" (discusses molly houses, public spaces, and early risks) — [think before following links] https://www.bearwww.com/blog/gay-cruising-history-renaissance-to-digital-era

·        Them.us: "Gay Cruising 101: What It Is, Where It Comes From, and How to Do It" (details historical spots like Central Park, waterfronts, and nonverbal cues) — [think before following links] https://www.them.us/story/gay-cruising-101-what-it-is-where-it-comes-from-and-how-to-do-it

·        Atlas Obscura: "The Rise and Fall of Cruisingforsex.com, a Digital Atlas of Casual Encounters" (contrasts pre-internet reliance on gossip/luck with digital shifts) — [think before following links] https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-rise-and-fall-of-cruisingforsexcom-a-digital-atlas-of-casual-sex

1960s-1970s (Liberation Era), bathhouses, hankie code, and Stonewall:

·        Them.us articles on the hanky code and leather/BDSM scenes (origins in 1970s San Francisco/LA leather communities) — related coverage in [think before following links] https://www.them.us/story/what-is-the-hanky-code-gay-flagging (cross-referenced)

·        Agnes & Edie: "How To Flag - The Hanky Code Explained" (history from 1970s guides like Bob Damron’s Address Book and Drummer magazine) — [think before following links] https://agnesandedie.com/blogs/news/how-to-flag-the-hanky-code-explained

·        Queerty: "Bathhouses And Beyond: A Brief History Of Gay Cruising" (covers 1950s-1970s bathhouses, raids like 1903 Ariston Hotel, and post-Stonewall explosion) — [think before following links] https://www.queerty.com/bathhouses-and-beyond-a-brief-history-of-gay-cruising-20140821

·        Allan Bérubé's "The History of Gay Bathhouses" (2003, evolution from Turkish/Russian baths to gay-specific venues in the 1950s-1970s) — [think before following links] https://www.researchgate.net/publication/10577680_The_History_of_Gay_Bathhouses or PDF at [think before following links] https://johnkamys.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/the-history-of-gay-bathhouses.pdf

1980s (AIDS Era Begins) and impact on culture:

·        Various historical overviews on AIDS stigma, fear reducing public sex venues, and community solidarity (e.g., from UN Chronicle, SF LGBT Center; no direct British Academy match found, but aligned with broader epidemic retrospectives)

·        NIH/PMC articles and retrospectives on gay men's internet use (1990s-2013, noting caution in cruising and shift to private/safer connections)

 

1990s (Early Internet Era), AOL, Gay.com, BBS:

·        Out South Florida: "The Evolution of LGBTQ Online Dating" (Gay.Net 1993 BBS, AOL "GayOL" chat rooms, Gay.com 1994, Gaydar 1999) — [think before following links] https://outsfl.com/history/the-evolution-of-lgbtq-online-dating

·        PG Dating Pro: "LGBTQ+ online dating: a historical overview" (BBSs, AOL gay chat rooms, Gaydar launch) — [think before following links] https://www.datingpro.com/blog/lgbtq-online-dating-a-historical-overview

·        Queerty and Vice nostalgic pieces on pre-Grindr online cruising (AOL, Gay.com, Yahoo Messenger) — e.g., [think before following links] https://www.queerty.com/memory-lane-look-back-online-cruising-age-grindr-20170527

·        Slate: "When AOL was GayOL" (dial-up chats, anonymity, and community building amid stigma) — referenced in multiple sources like [think before following links] https://outsfl.com/history/the-evolution-of-lgbtq-online-dating

2000s (Web 2.0 and Mobile Shift), Manhunt, Adam4Adam, early Grindr:

·        IN Magazine: "A History Of Hooking Up" (Manhunt.net, Adam4Adam, PlanetRomeo 2002, shift to profile-based sites post-Lawrence v. Texas 2003) — [think before following links] https://inmagazine.ca/2019/11/a-history-of-hooking-up

·        NIH/PMC: "Dating in Motion" (generational use of sites like Gaydar/PlanetRomeo, transition to geolocation)

·        Guardian oral histories and pieces on Manhunt, Adam4Adam as key hookup platforms before apps

2010s (App Dominance) and 2020s (Modern Era), Grindr, Scruff, Sniffies:

·        The Guardian: "'There's a gay bar in my pocket!': how 15 years of Grindr has affected gay communities and dating culture" (Grindr 2009 launch impact, Scruff 2010, Hornet, Sniffies 2019 map-based) — [think before following links] https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2024/mar/25/theres-a-gay-bar-in-my-pocket-how-15-years-of-grindr-has-affected-gay-communities-and-dating-culture

·        Wikipedia and DatingNews.com timelines (Grindr launch, growth, updates)

·        Multiple Reddit threads (e.g., r/grindr, r/AskGaybrosOver30, r/Sniffies; 2017-2025) for authentic user feedback on efficacy, glitches, ads, fakes, preferences (e.g., Sniffies for quick/anonymous, Scruff for reliability/community, Grindr frustrations)

General user feedback across eras:

·        Aggregated from Reddit discussions (nostalgic views on bathhouses as "rite of passage," complaints about modern apps like addiction/superficiality/paywalls, praises for efficiency/privacy in digital shifts) — sourced via community forums like r/grindr and r/AskGaybrosOver30

[WorkJack]

On 1/19/2026 at 7:21 PM, BREEDmeRAW said:

Moderators: Have pictures fade to black-and-white 5 years from date posted. 

That's a great idea.