Fighting the Darkness, Yet Inevitably Yielding to It

[Guest alwaysready]

I have wanted to write about this for some time.  It is about an experience I had years ago with whom I connected through gay.com.  I believe his chat name was something like leatherboyforbeardad.  We talked several times.  I wanted him to come to Memphis and become my sub, maybe even my slave.  He was quite willing, and let me know he had no problem with barebacking.  While he would not talk in much depth about his sex life, what he did describe was always raw. 

When we last spoke he was having health problems, which was significant as it suggested he was well past the fuck flu stage and becoming progressively sicker.  He was jobless, had no medical insurance.  Still, his pics were hot.  I wanted him.  But I could not afford to bring him here.  I suggested various avenues by which he could get medical help, but he declined all of them.  Although unspoken, I knew he wanted me to bareback him, adding my own contribution to his viral load.  I could feel it.

At some point he told me this disturbing story, which has greatly affected my life.  One night, he was in bed.  He was sure he was not asleep - this was absolutely not a dream.  Suddenly, the room grew ice cold, and a yellow light (at least I think he said it was yellow, which is puzzling) appeared.  He said he was unable to move.  Paralyzed.  A voice began to lure him to give in to his desires, to come to him.  He felt the bed slanting and he held on, all the time voice, the demon, I suspect, continued whispering, then stating in a full voice, "You must come to me.  Let go of the bed.  Let go of your fear.  Let go of your life.  You will never die with me.  You will breed at my command.  You will be my consort."

My guy kept refusing, but he was freezing, and was not sure how long he could take it.  He felt he was slipping into the darkening light, but he kept fighting the downward pull.  He wanted to live, on Earth, with me.  Finally, the light vanished, the room grew warm and he fell asleep.

Has anyone ever had such an experience, or heard of someone who has? 

At first I thought it was an interesting story that had little to do with my life, but I knew I was lying to myself.  I wanted this leather boy so we could travel together into the darkness, dragging anyone else who was willing to come with us.  I had no idea what that darkness represented, and honestly still don't.  Yet as the days past, I could not get the story out of my head.  Every time I spoke with him, I could sense the fear and wonder in his voice.  That was, however, the last I heard of him.

I kept trying to dismiss the idea I was sinking into the very darkness he had so far resisted.  I doubt he resisted again.  I felt, and feel, him pulling me.  I hear him saying, come with me.  Trust me.  I will show myself.  I will let you breed me raw, until I get sick with fuck flu.  Then we will breed other men together.  I figured this was simply my fictional abilities getting the better of me.  sometimes I forgot all about that experience. but he has never left me alone. 

I am wondering if I can find some man I want to go into the darkness with, someone I find irresistibly hot, if you will, who will smash through the last line of defense?  Every night when I go to bed, I wonder if I will wake up in my bedroom, cold, unable to move, paralyzed, with a voice urging me to let go.  I can resist until I find a man willing to sink to the depths of corruption.  Who shares my viruses and my desire to spread them to any man who wants to be converted?  Especially I would welcome any guy who is on meds of any kind to give them up and present himself to me.  Any such man could be THE man.  I will know him when I feel his presence.

in the meantime, I will continue the long journey into perversion, and the desire to degrade and defile.  I keep wondering how this will happen.  And when.  I don't think my resistance can hold out much longer.  I know I can't.  I sink deeper into the depths of darkness, wanting to breed more and more.  Resistance is futile.  It is only a matter of time.

But I want someone to go with me.

[Guest alwaysready]

 

bbrat. you are a fuckboy well up on my want to play list.

[Guest alwaysready]

I wanted this guy. pics were hot. think it would have been an amazing experience.

[Leatherman667]

On 10/4/2017 at 1:29 AM, alwaysready said:

But I want someone to go with me.

Go on your own and someone will definitely join you.

[Guest alwaysready]

yes, guys do. but--not to be persnickety--I want this guy to be hot as, well, hell. unfortunately, at my age, there are not many guys out there who would fit the bill, unless I paid the bill.