My body count is low.

[newbiboi]

I am looking for some advice. I know this isn’t a big achievement or goal for most people here. 

 

So I have not been used by many guys. I wondered if you lot can give advice on getting to my first 100? That would be helpful. How did you get to it? 

[Guest POZitiveBoyZ]

1 hour ago, newbiboi said:

I am looking for some advice. I know this isn’t a big achievement or goal for most people here. 

 

So I have not been used by many guys. I wondered if you lot can give advice on getting to my first 100? That would be helpful. How did you get to it? 

 Here in the same situation. Cuz I’m not a “Musc” guy. I’m Skinny to Athletic, a lit bit Fem with some manners, with Small to Average 5,9/6 inches dick size Bottom. I’m a POZ Undetectable on meds Bottom without of any experiences or practices cuz of my previous life in very homophobic and hateful country that name is Russia. I’ve been experienced a lot of pain, hate, homophobia and internalize homophobia, shame, rejections, manhunt in Russia. I’ve never had a good and truly loved gay best friends cuz this is too shameful to date me for too many Russian gay guys. Cuz I looks “too gay” Russian gays. Cuz too many of them are living in the box, living a double life and prefer to hide their sexual orientation of friends and family, of boss and colleagues, of doctors and other people around them. I’ve never been welcomed guy in Russian gay bathhouses, sex-parties and sex-clubs because there were a “No Fem” policy and a picking guys standards based on their dick sizes. Means that that world of the wild gay sex with its opportunities to bathhouses, anon fuck, sex-clubs and sex-parties are open only for Musc, “Real Alfa” and “Naturally Looking” gay guys.

And here, in NYC, I’ve been experienced the same things from the US guys. This was a bullying, boycotting, mental and sexual abuse with a lot of the jokes and gossips about me.

Recommendations? There is a few. If the LGBTQ community in the US really wants to help me, then first it is vital to come up to me, talk to me personally to get to know me better and try to figure out where my problems and complexes came from and for what reason.  And only after all this, the community and people within this community could ask me “can we help you somehow” and “how exactly can we help you”. If the guys really want to help me, then they should help me with the methods and ways that I consider the most acceptable for myself.  This means that if the American LGBTQ community really wants to help me, then in this case this community should show me all its friendliness and willingness to accept me as a member.  This primarily means that the community and people should not try to force me to "love myself" through abuse, boycott and persecution, but try to establish mutual contact, diplomatic dialogue, show me the other side of gay life in the United States and be my "guide" and  "Personal trainer". Because any of these fashionable mainstream “treatment methods" will never work for me and will make a diametrically opposite results.  Because I’ve found this mainstream "narrative" psychology is totally unethical, unscientific, unfriendly, disrespectful, abusive, homophobic with the way of promoting hate, aggression, confrontation and madnesses. So, I’m talking about REAL LIFE, REAL DIFFERENCE, REAL DIVERSITY, REAL INCLUSIVITY, REAL EQUALITY, PERSONALITY AND INDIVIDUALITY, INDEPENDENCE and SOCIALIZATION. I’m talking about INDIVIDUAL AND FRIENDLY HELP. I’m talking about that we are, all of us, are very different from each other (including mentally) but we are still be equal to each other. I’m talking about that psychological treatments should not be given for everyone with the same ways of rehab. And about that every help should be given with respect, with the knowledges about the person and your subject and object of help by your help taker. That’s means that “No Any Actions Behind My Back without my personal permission and without my total acceptance of your actions and helps”

Finally. I’d love to hear a real kind truthful and friendly apology from you to me. Asking you to apologize to me does not mean trying to humiliate you.  Asking you to apologize to me does not mean that I consider myself better than you or that I am trying to punish you.  Asking you for an apology means trying to make a really friendly gesture towards each other.  This can show me that you have realized your mistakes and that you are ready and willing to be my friends.  I think I deserve it and I have the right to ask you about it. Isn’t it?

[1000GUYS]

well, go out more, be more aware, make eye contact, read the body language... the signs... 

but if the problem is on you, you got to adress it... are u too fat? i know fat and obese bottoms have a hard time

[leatherpunk16]

It took me YEARS to get to 100. I built that number up by not refusing anyone who showed interest, and I made sure to show some myself. Even for guys I had no sexual attraction to - it was about getting experience with these 2-star and under gays in my town.

Eventually I started going to places where the gays congregate. I don't have to go out and think "I've gotta get at least ONE guy tonight!" because that sets me up for disappointment. Especially if I go and find nothing that appeals to me, or the pickings are really slim. I let the sex come to ME on occasion, but I wasted a lot of energy in my youth pursuing specific individuals, which did not serve me. I don't recommend going out with an air of desperation, because it's not attractive and you can end up regretting the results.

Some ideas: create a profile on a hookup website. Adam4Adam or ManHunt or Recon (if you're a fetish guy) will do. Would stay away from Scruff or Grindr because a lot of guys set up profiles and never come back. Waste of time. Be honest about what you like and yourself. Include pictures - men are very visual and like to see who people are. When the pandemic ends (IF it ends), commit yourself to going to a big gay event - Pride, leather contests (even if you aren't into it that much), IML is a big one but can be scary if you're inexperienced or a vanilla guy. And of course take care of YOUR needs. When you are trying to attract sex partners, you want to show your very best self. Take care of your skin, keep your hair neat, be open to things even if that's not your scene (never say "EWW" when proposed a sex act that is not your thing), and KNOW YOUR STANDARDS AND LIMITS. But don't just settle for whatever comes. People get hurt that way, sometimes in ways they can't reverse.

And of course, talk to people when you can. Some guys like to get to know someone before they fuck. And when the time does come, let yourself enjoy it. Don't worry about being "good", just be concerned about enjoying the moment. 

Does this help?

[kinkysuBB]

Disclaimer: this is all pre- (and hopefully post-)COVID advice. Doing any of this during COVID is crazy dangerous, for you and anyone you might come into contact with during or afterwards.

What worked for me is going to a sauna (bathhouse in the US) or cruise bar, and act like the resident slut. Make it very obvious that’s what you are.

In a sauna, you have a towel: don’t cover your ass with it. Hold it in such a way that it covers your cock, because that’s not important, but have your ass on full view. Expect guys to touch it, and when they do, stick it out a little more. Bend over/cuddle up to them, depending on the situation (cuddling up is great to let that one guy know you’re his to use; bending over sends the signal that your ass is public property).

Same applies in cruise bars. Tops will be there in various states of semi-undress. You take all your clothes off, bar a jock (and invest in a nice one). Again, this shows off the important bit and hides what’s not important.

Don’t be shy. If you want to get your numbers up, no better way than getting fucked in a corridor, in full view of any passing traffic, some of whom will hopefully join in. If you’re in a cubicle, door stays open. That was one guy fucking you becomes a crowd of onlookers watching. If their cocks come within reach, start wanking/sucking. The more cocks you have in you, the more cocks you’re going to attract into you.

If that makes you nervous at first, go to the dark room instead, but make sure you get a prominent position where guys will be walking by, and stick your ass out so they’ll feel it as they’re going past.

Don’t be picky. If you’re there to be used, you’re there to be used by all. Sticking to Prince Charming isn’t going to get your numbers up. I started this in my 20s. Guys asked me what I was doing letting that guy fuck me when I could do better. I’m being a slut, because that’s who I am and what makes me feel fulfilled.

All of the above can be applied at parties on Grindr/BBRT and the like too. Numbers will be smaller, but go to enough of them and you’ll rack them up.

And relax. This is a gradual process and you’ll get more confident and better at it as you go along. You’ll also find you’ll be able to take bigger cock, and more cock in the one session, which opens up more opportunities. I was in single figures until I was 28. 5 years later I’ve totally lost count but would be surprised if I was at less than 4 figures. Good luck, and enjoy!
 

 

Edited August 3, 2020 by subBottomKink

[kinkysuBB]

And yeah, look after yourself. You don’t have to be a god: I’m short and not muscled. It was great for the twink look, but I’m too old to pull that off now, so I needed to work on facial hair/body grooming, make sure I stay slim even if not the alpha male look, etc. Find what works for you. 

And look after your sexual health. Lose all hang ups about getting STIs, because you will get all of them multiple times. But get tested regularly and get treated, because they’re not nice to have or spread (some guys have a pozzing fetish, but I mean the others).

Let us know how you get on 🙂

[Guest POZitiveBoyZ]

24 minutes ago, subBottomKink said:

And yeah, look after yourself. You don’t have to be a god: I’m short and not muscled. It was great for the twink look, but I’m too old to pull that off now, so I needed to work on facial hair/body grooming, make sure I stay slim even if not the alpha male look, etc. Find what works for you.

To me, for example, the only one thing would be workable that is a gym workout program to change my body type from Twink to Fitness/Swimmer. I don't like my Skinny body type and I will never be ready to take my Skinny body with love and acceptance. If this called a body dysmorphia then ok. But I don't wanna see this Skinny/Twink body type every day in the mirror. Enough is enough. I can’t fully and truly “love myself” with having body which were an object of shame and rejection by gays all my lifetime. Well, is there are any buddies that could be my gym partners to help me with gym workout? I guess this would be fair enough if some guys could teach me about their knowledges, experiences and gym skills. If so, you might give me a real help to solve my issues. Getting a personal gym trainer is too expensive for me. And, honestly, I can’t find any good reasons to pay overpriced for personal gym trainer if most of the guys are getting their routine workout with their friends/boyfriends etc 😉

[Guest POZitiveBoyZ]

3 hours ago, leatherpunk16 said:

It took me YEARS to get to 100. I built that number up by not refusing anyone who showed interest, and I made sure to show some myself. Even for guys I had no sexual attraction to - it was about getting experience with these 2-star and under gays in my town.

Eventually I started going to places where the gays congregate. I don't have to go out and think "I've gotta get at least ONE guy tonight!" because that sets me up for disappointment. Especially if I go and find nothing that appeals to me, or the pickings are really slim. I let the sex come to ME on occasion, but I wasted a lot of energy in my youth pursuing specific individuals, which did not serve me. I don't recommend going out with an air of desperation, because it's not attractive and you can end up regretting the results.

Some ideas: create a profile on a hookup website. Adam4Adam or ManHunt or Recon (if you're a fetish guy) will do. Would stay away from Scruff or Grindr because a lot of guys set up profiles and never come back. Waste of time. Be honest about what you like and yourself. Include pictures - men are very visual and like to see who people are. When the pandemic ends (IF it ends), commit yourself to going to a big gay event - Pride, leather contests (even if you aren't into it that much), IML is a big one but can be scary if you're inexperienced or a vanilla guy. And of course take care of YOUR needs. When you are trying to attract sex partners, you want to show your very best self. Take care of your skin, keep your hair neat, be open to things even if that's not your scene (never say "EWW" when proposed a sex act that is not your thing), and KNOW YOUR STANDARDS AND LIMITS. But don't just settle for whatever comes. People get hurt that way, sometimes in ways they can't reverse.

And of course, talk to people when you can. Some guys like to get to know someone before they fuck. And when the time does come, let yourself enjoy it. Don't worry about being "good", just be concerned about enjoying the moment. 

Does this help?

For me your advice is absolutely unusable. Because I’m sure the mission of the LGBTQ community, as very marginalized community in the world, is in the fact of unity and power of Love Respect Freedom Tolerance Equality and Pride. I’m sure that more experienced community’s members have to be ready being a mentors and teachers to les experienced members. That’s what’s called a Community. And that’s its goals and purposes for its members as a community

[drscorpio]

I would say some counseling to get you over your hangups will help. You seem to have a really negative self-image, and you seem to want to blame your situation on everyone else. Neither of those attributes is likely to attract people to you. 

[Guest POZitiveBoyZ]

10 minutes ago, drscorpio said:

I would say some counseling to get you over your hangups will help. You seem to have a really negative self-image, and you seem to want to blame your situation on everyone else. Neither of those attributes is likely to attract people to you. 

I’m not blaming. But you can be agree or disagree with me, like it or dislike, but the fact is that exactly “community” made it possible to me. But I’m not surprised of your words. This was known from the beginning. Ok. Not a problem. If this “community” doesn’t want to understand why I’m feeling that way and doesn’t want to give a help me then I don’t want to be a member of this “community”. Yeah, this is too fucking difficult to Americans to realize that there’s a different culture, different experience, different people, different mentality and that not everyone should be agree with you. You’re a hypocrites and liars. Because you can’t even follow to your “new psychology” and your most fashionable mainstream called “positive psychology”/positive thinking”. The biggest hypocrisy is on the fact that person should be themselves in the way where you want to see him, with your own view. Of course you can be yourself but we don’t want to see your individuality which should be hidden. You can being yourself but with our rules and like we want it. Why this is too difficult to all of you to accept that therapy can’t be the same for everyone because every human being in the world is very unique and different from everyone else? And why this is too difficult to all of you to give treatments and your help with kind of respect, tolerance, understanding and a bit of abilities for trying being patients? Again, online “help” or “counseling” will never been workable and usable for me. Why? Because. Because if you want to help me you should do this work on our meeting personally. Means person to person. You can call me like you want but I’m an “old school” person which means I can accept some things or some actions only in the “traditional way”. In other case, all of your actions and help  will looks like an mental abuse and online bullying to me. Because you are not helping me. You are just trying shaming me with a bunch of new jokes, mems and gossips 

[leatherpunk16]

12 hours ago, POZitiveBoyZ said:

For me your advice is absolutely unusable. Because I’m sure the mission of the LGBTQ community, as very marginalized community in the world, is in the fact of unity and power of Love Respect Freedom Tolerance Equality and Pride. I’m sure that more experienced community’s members have to be ready being a mentors and teachers to les experienced members. That’s what’s called a Community. And that’s its goals and purposes for its members as a community

I'm sorry you didn't find that helpful. My advice is based on my own experience and what worked for me. And given the current state of the world, it may not be helpful right at this moment.

But I have to agree with Dr Scorpio on this one - it sounds like a confidence issue. And confidence attracts. Your responses to him and to me indicate a poor self-image and perhaps a chip on the shoulder. I will not put you down or make jokes, and most of us here on BZ don't post memes at the expense of others. But I won't continue to make suggestions or give advice if you won't adopt them, and I'm totally okay with that. 

[Guest POZitiveBoyZ]

On 8/3/2020 at 10:36 PM, drscorpio said:

I would say some counseling to get you over your hangups will help. You seem to have a really negative self-image, and you seem to want to blame your situation on everyone else. Neither of those attributes is likely to attract people to you. 

You know, I will be agree with you only when if the Black People and People of Color will stop blaming the WHOLE WHITE COMMUNITY of racism and slavery. Because following your logic, neither you nor I nor anyone else living at this time is to blame for the fact that 200-300 years ago there was slavery in the United States and white people exploited Black People and makes them slaves. None of us living today, if we will follow your logic, absolutely should not apologize to Black People for the actions of our ancestors, and none of us in this case should not our kneel to black people. Do I understand you correctly and what you wanted to tell me with your words? If in your opinion, or in the opinion of most of people, or in the opinion of some another specific community, I’m trying to blame other people for my issues, then Black People should stop blaming for their own issues White People. Do I gave you a good example of how your point of view should work for everyone and what your (or “group-thinking”) philosophy (or mainstream new era life rules) looks like if we will interpret your words literally?