Hour Long Role Play...

[SFSloppyAznBottom]

Had a regular over and he wanted to role play daddy and son.

Was role playing for about an hour, turned out he wasn't going to fuck.. he said something got into his head when we were in character. Ugh.

What's your thought if the role play drags on for too long?

[find91]

This is a consequences of role play. Sometimes it can bring up deep issues. I don't mind flip-flipping in an out but not every guy can do this. Also depending on the role, aftercare maybe needed as a form of comedown. Example a role play of incest or daddy/son sadistic edge play, the top may need some aftercare as not to have a dropoff and start feeling bad.

[tallslenderguy]

Personally, i don't like "role play" and will not engage in it (which is not a criticism of those who do).  i just cannot get into acting out something. Chances are, if i want/need it, it is not an act, a role or play for me, it's real.  And, as find91 notes "can bring up deep issues."  

Frankly, i think the notion of (or desire for) role play generally derives from deep issues, and  is why people seek it out in the first place.  It strikes me as a sort of work around those issues vs a head on acknowledgement of them.  And i don't use "issues" in a negative sense here.  i'd probably use the phrase "deep need/desire" instead of "issue."  

i've been regressed before and it was one of the most erotic and profound experiences of my life.  There was no discussion ahead of time, no attempt at producing that result from a role play scenario, the Dom simply saw me and knew how to regress me to being a  "good boy."   It was so fucking real too, something i may never have experienced had He suggested i play the role of a "boy."  Intellectually, it would have seemed silly to me, i didn't even know it was in me, but He surfaced it in me, 'collared' me, influenced and controlled me with it.  

The power of it was there was no role play at all, He knew it was real and demonstrated the realness of it to me too.  

[blackrobe]

I can role play something that connects in me, where it resonates naturally. For that reason dad/son, incest, another submission-based role plays are those that have the most resonance. I think that role play can be a fig leaf for touching something fundamental, vulnerable, and powerful inside ourselves. @tallslenderguy alluded to this.

One observation I'd make is that role play can give us permission to let parts of us out and experience them when we might not otherwise be able to. We're dealing with deep parts of our psyches and it can require aftercare as @find91 quite rightly points out. 

It's like going on a hike into beautiful natural country. One couple might use a map (role play) to get where they are going, while another might just read the terrain and see where it takes them naturally.  

A man who embeds his cock in my mind as well as my cunt can get everything I have to surrender.

[tallslenderguy]

13 minutes ago, blackrobe said:

I can role play something that connects in me, where it resonates naturally. For that reason dad/son, incest, another submission-based role plays are those that have the most resonance. I think that role play can be a fig leaf for touching something fundamental, vulnerable, and powerful inside ourselves. @tallslenderguy alluded to this.

One observation I'd make is that role play can give us permission to let parts of us out and experience them when we might not otherwise be able to. We're dealing with deep parts of our psyches and it can require aftercare as @find91 quite rightly points out. 

It's like going on a hike into beautiful natural country. One couple might use a map (role play) to get where they are going, while another might just read the terrain and see where it takes them naturally.  

A man who embeds his cock in my mind as well as my cunt can get everything I have to surrender.

This all makes sense to me. i don't disparage role play, i just cannot do it, i cannot get past the pretend element.  The guy that regressed me was like magic for me, but really He was just being Himself and i lucked out because who He was attached to something in me i didn't even know was there.  If He's said to me, "pretend your a boy sucking my cock," that would have actually ended up being a barrier for me. Instead, He simply related to me as a  "good boy" sucking HIs cock and i was. It wasn't pretend or role play, i emotionally became exactly what He wanted/needed, and it wasn't role play or pretend, it was already there and He tapped into it. 

i've experienced similar stuff with feminization. i am not the least bit fem, have no desire to be a woman or dress up like one (not saying that's 'bad', just not me). But i've had Tops/Doms who just treat me that way. I.e., want me to wear lace panties, call my penis a clit or my ass a pussy. Saying and using those words in a matter of fact way, no pretend or role play, that's just how they see me, and just like the "good boy," it surfaces something in me that is not usually evident.  It's not like i start acting fem at that point either, but i do have a clit and an pussy at that point, and there is nothing role play about it on an emotional/psychological level for me. It's as real as it gets, and that realness makes the idea of role play less appealing to me.

[find91]

32 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

This all makes sense to me. i don't disparage role play, i just cannot do it, i cannot get past the pretend element.  The guy that regressed me was like magic for me, but really He was just being Himself and i lucked out because who He was attached to something in me i didn't even know was there.  If He's said to me, "pretend your a boy sucking my cock," that would have actually ended up being a barrier for me. Instead, He simply related to me as a  "good boy" sucking HIs cock and i was. It wasn't pretend or role play, i emotionally became exactly what He wanted/needed, and it wasn't role play or pretend, it was already there and He tapped into it. 

i've experienced similar stuff with feminization. i am not the least bit fem, have no desire to be a woman or dress up like one (not saying that's 'bad', just not me). But i've had Tops/Doms who just treat me that way. I.e., want me to wear lace panties, call my penis a clit or my ass a pussy. Saying and using those words in a matter of fact way, no pretend or role play, that's just how they see me, and just like the "good boy," it surfaces something in me that is not usually evident.  It's not like i start acting fem at that point either, but i do have a clit and an pussy at that point, and there is nothing role play about it on an emotional/psychological level for me. It's as real as it gets, and that realness makes the idea of role play less appealing to me.

I got no malice or shaming in your comments. Just that role play doesn't "meet" your needs. Kink has a heavy psychological aspect and the mind is a strange and tricky thing. Like blackrobe  has stated the best types of role play are those that have connection to your personality.

From the original question, yes you can role play too long. People are not just one role. Everyone has needs, wants and weaknesses. This is one reason why a lot of Dom/sub relationships that involve romantic partner breaks down. They don't allow each other to be themselves. Even a "natural" Dominant person doesn't feel like ordering an managing someone every single moment of the day. The similar aspect can be applied to role play. Some people get role fatigue. As in SFSloppyAznBottom case I think the dude just hit a bad "thought" connect to the role.

[tallslenderguy]

6 minutes ago, find91 said:

 

From the original question, yes you can role play too long. People are not just one role. Everyone has needs, wants and weaknesses. This is one reason why a lot of Dom/sub relationships that involve romantic partner breaks down. They don't allow each other to be themselves. Even a "natural" Dominant person doesn't feel like ordering an managing someone every single moment of the day. The similar aspect can be applied to role play. Some people get role fatigue. As in SFSloppyAznBottom case I think the dude just hit a bad "thought" connect to the role.

i so agree with You.  Often we meet on hook up sites, so our hormones are ramped and we're (usually) all horny. Probably anything all the time would get routine and boring, to me the D/s, Top/bottom dynamic is not so much about always being on, but where we go when we are on. i also agree romantic partners break up when the two fall in love with an idea instead of the person. i think i often get rejected by "doms' because i just don't see it as text book, written in stone way of living. To me, that isn't living, it's conforming to a rule, or idea vs writing our own rules and living out our reality.  Sure, we have to know each others basic nature, but that's a foundation to build on, not an already established structure. To me, part of the thrill of it all is the power to evoke and turn on that opposites have with each other, not that they are always and already turned on or evoked.  Some of my fantasies revolve around me or my partner being asleep, and one or the other has need and knows they have the freedom with the other to fulfill their need. if im asleep, i'm obviously not "on," but i can easily imagine my Top waking me by pressing His cock into me and whispering into my ear "i want your pussy."  Pretty sure He'd turn me on lol. And reversing that, Him waking up to find His cock in my mouth... might have the effect of turning Him on.  Both require communication and fore knowledge of the other (an advantage to relationship) where each has learned the other and knows where their 'on' switches are.  That doesn't happen in a lot of hook up situations because the communication and knowledge of the other just isn't there.  i think when trust is built, then openness and vulnerability are more available (though, sadly, i think a lot of ltr never get there). 

[SFSloppyAznBottom]

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

i so agree with You.  Often we meet on hook up sites, so our hormones are ramped and we're (usually) all horny. Probably anything all the time would get routine and boring, to me the D/s, Top/bottom dynamic is not so much about always being on, but where we go when we are on. i also agree romantic partners break up when the two fall in love with an idea instead of the person. i think i often get rejected by "doms' because i just don't see it as text book, written in stone way of living. To me, that isn't living, it's conforming to a rule, or idea vs writing our own rules and living out our reality.  Sure, we have to know each others basic nature, but that's a foundation to build on, not an already established structure. To me, part of the thrill of it all is the power to evoke and turn on that opposites have with each other, not that they are always and already turned on or evoked.  Some of my fantasies revolve around me or my partner being asleep, and one or the other has need and knows they have the freedom with the other to fulfill their need. if im asleep, i'm obviously not "on," but i can easily imagine my Top waking me by pressing His cock into me and whispering into my ear "i want your pussy."  Pretty sure He'd turn me on lol. And reversing that, Him waking up to find His cock in my mouth... might have the effect of turning Him on.  Both require communication and fore knowledge of the other (an advantage to relationship) where each has learned the other and knows where their 'on' switches are.  That doesn't happen in a lot of hook up situations because the communication and knowledge of the other just isn't there.  i think when trust is built, then openness and vulnerability are more available (though, sadly, i think a lot of ltr never get there). 

I definitely think that a lot of couple, if not most , fall in love with an idea instead of the real person initially.