Married on prep?

[Hornymeathbtm]

Hey all, I’m a Married bi guy, she doesn’t know I’m bi and we hardly ever have sex. I’ve been having sex with guys since i was 22, I’m 40 now. I’ve only done bb with one long term buddy that I really trust and I loved it, felt so damn good. Anyway long story short I want the option of bb with other guys but I want to take responsibility and not rely on them being on prep. Are there any other married guys out there who take prep, how is it working out for you? I’d love to hear your experiences. 
 

For the record I know there are other STIs and that Prep only prevents HIV infection if used properly. 

[Mykell]

I am married but my wife knows about my bi side and I got on prep.

I have enjoyed the freedom it allows as I know I will not bring HIV home to her.

[LKMike]

Married and off and on PrEP. The hardest part is her not finding out through our insurance reports. I get it through Nurx and have to get it delivered to work because they use FedEx and requires a signature. I did get  a 9 month supply of generic PrEP one time through an online pharmacy. That worked out pretty well. 

[1000GUYS]

Im married and want to get on prep,,,, the problem is: idk if i have HIV because i never tested...

[Guest]

Married dude on PrEP here.  Decided to get on PrEP b/c I wanted to explore my bottom side.  A friend clued me in to a clinic that was participating in the Gilead Descovy free offer.  Went in, got tested, got issued a script.  The script went to a local mail-order pharmacy.  However, they do offer in person pick ups.  So I take advantage of that.  

[fillmyholeftl]

1 hour ago, 1000GUYS said:

Im married and want to get on prep,,,, the problem is: idk if i have HIV because i never tested...

First of all You need to get test ASAP regardless of getting PrEP or not.  That aside, before you get PrEP they are going to test you for HIV, other STIs as well as other blood tests before giving your PrEP

[VAcurious]

Married as well. Been on prep a month.  Did pharmacy pick up.  Feel better about being on it but still careful about STIs.  My big worry is her finding out about prescriptions if i ever have a medical emergency where i am incapacitated. 

[BootmanLA]

7 hours ago, 1000GUYS said:

Im married and want to get on prep,,,, the problem is: idk if i have HIV because i never tested...

You should get tested. Period. If you want, get an over-the-counter home test first, and if it's positive, follow up with a doctor immediately for a definitive test and to discuss your options.

If it's negative, you can then ask a doctor to prescribe it, and take their more definitive test with the expectation it will almost certainly confirm your negative status and thus eligibility for PrEP.

[BootmanLA]

On 9/27/2020 at 10:49 AM, Hornymeathbtm said:

Hey all, I’m a Married bi guy, she doesn’t know I’m bi and we hardly ever have sex. I’ve been having sex with guys since i was 22, I’m 40 now. I’ve only done bb with one long term buddy that I really trust and I loved it, felt so damn good. Anyway long story short I want the option of bb with other guys but I want to take responsibility and not rely on them being on prep. Are there any other married guys out there who take prep, how is it working out for you? I’d love to hear your experiences. 
 

For the record I know there are other STIs and that Prep only prevents HIV infection if used properly. 

I think most of the answers here have covered the key points.

I'm not going to opine whether you should, or shouldn't, let your wife know any of this (that you're bi, that you're actively having unprotected sex with at least one man, that you want to have unprotected sex with other men, and that you want to go on PrEP). I will note, however, that things have a tendency to come out. Even if you're paying your pharmacy for the prescription personally (which can be expensive), they might accidentally bill your insurance, and that may come through on a statement she sees. You have to keep up with testing to stay on PrEP (so that they can switch you off it, if you get infected anyway), and you may slip up and leave a lab result report somewhere, and she finds it. And on and on. If you're counting on being able to hide it forever, well.... let's just say that history is littered with the carcasses of marriages that imploded over things like this.

That's not to discourage you from going on PrEP - you should, even if you limit play to your one "buddy" that you trust. You don't know, and can't know, whether in fact he may be taking more risks than you think. You can only protect yourself (and by extension, anyone else you have sex with, including possibly your wife). 

[Guest hungandmean]

Okay so PREP generally requires blood work. The new versions of it are much safer - but it can have an adverse affect on your kidneys and you should have screenings done pre taking PREP as well as when you're on it to make sure your kidney function remains at healthy levels.

This should coincide with regular testing for other STIs considering you're basically committing assault in most jurisdictions if you spread an STI to your partner through your choices. 

[bobinbottom]

My biggest issue with PREP is the requirement to get tested every three months. Eventually you are going to get caught. I know the rational but at the end of the day what is the greater "good"? Preventing incurable HIV infections or forcing people to test for much less potentially lethal STDs? If public health officials really were that concerned about people getting HIV they would not have the three month requirement.

[BootmanLA]

8 hours ago, bobinbottom said:

My biggest issue with PREP is the requirement to get tested every three months. Eventually you are going to get caught. I know the rational but at the end of the day what is the greater "good"? Preventing incurable HIV infections or forcing people to test for much less potentially lethal STDs? If public health officials really were that concerned about people getting HIV they would not have the three month requirement.

There's a reason for the regular testing for PrEP.

PrEP is not a full-scale HIV treatment. Truvada, for instance, consists of emtricitabine and tenofovir, two of the components frequently used in HIV treatment. Those are two of the ingredients in Biktarvy, for instance (along with Bictegravir) and Genvoya (along with elvitegravir and cobicistat). The two components that are in PrEP are PART of the treatment for HIV, but they're not sufficient on their own. They can block new infections, but they're not suitable for treatment over the long haul.

If you are on PrEP, and you miss doses and have unprotected sex with someone who's got a high viral load, you can become poz despite the PrEP. Without regular testing, you may not find out you're poz, and assume you're negative.

The third and/or fourth medications in actual TREATMENT - not prevention - of HIV work with the emtricitabine and the tenofovir to keep your infection from becoming resistant to those two compounds. So, if you continue to take PrEP after becoming poz, your HIV infection can become resistant to some of the medication needed for the treatment, and you may actually end up untreatable.

Does it now make sense why they require regular HIV tests when you're taking it?

Now: if people are using PrEP as a way to try to avoid infection while cheating on a partner, and they're worried the frequent testing will expose their cheating, I suspect they're worried about the wrong thing. I have no qualms with monogamy, polygamy, polyandry, open relationships, or whatever, as long as nobody's being deceived as to what sort of relationship he or she's in. Cheating - that is, sexual interactions outside the agreed-upon parameters of the relationship - is wrong. If a married man is worried his wife or husband will find out he's being unfaithful if the spouse discovers that he's having regular STD/HIV tests, well, that's an issue for the cheating spouse to deal with at home.

[bobinbottom]

I understand PrEP is not 100%, however it is extremely effective and much better than nothing. The point is (like pretty much any medication) the decision to use it should be up to the patient and not the provider. We are all adults and we can all make informed decisions. I also don't buy the its to prevent the spread of resistant HIV. You can go an entire three months spreading resistant HIV even if you are tested. Honestly, if we were truly concerned about slowing the spread of HIV and protecting people then PrEP would be made widely available without any strings attached other than you test prior to beginning treatment. Anything else is merely another example of the nanny state controlling peoples lives.

 

[Mykell]

I am married and I am on PREP. But my wife knows fully of my bi side and that I play on the side. I say come clean with your desires and either she will accept them or not. Cheating will just catch up with you at some point as others have pointed out.

 

[BootmanLA]

7 hours ago, bobinbottom said:

I understand PrEP is not 100%, however it is extremely effective and much better than nothing. The point is (like pretty much any medication) the decision to use it should be up to the patient and not the provider. We are all adults and we can all make informed decisions. I also don't buy the its to prevent the spread of resistant HIV. You can go an entire three months spreading resistant HIV even if you are tested. Honestly, if we were truly concerned about slowing the spread of HIV and protecting people then PrEP would be made widely available without any strings attached other than you test prior to beginning treatment. Anything else is merely another example of the nanny state controlling peoples lives.

 

The point is that a person on PrEP who gets pozzed and who stays on PrEP doesn't develop resistant HIV immediately, and by getting him into treatment in the first few months after exposure (which you can do, if you're tested regularly) you prevent the HIV from becoming resistant.

In other words, it's the combination of becoming poz AND staying on PrEP instead of getting HIV treatment, for an extended period, that produces drug-resistant HIV. The regular testing does away with that "extended period" issue.