Cheating 101

[TwinkChaserSlut]

On 9/11/2021 at 5:11 PM, fatbottom said:

If you are a gay man with a boyfriend then either

a) you are in an open relationship and he is fucking around

b) you are not in an open relationship and he is fucking around

c) you are not in an open relationship and he wants to fuck around

d) you are not in an open relationship and he does not want to fuck around because he is totally dull

Conclusion: whichever it is, you should fuck around

Hilarious, hot, & so true!

[TwinkChaserSlut]

On 8/22/2021 at 12:16 PM, bottomboib said:

First off, I simply love your mentality.  I love the disgrace and deception that you take pleasure in.  Its intoxicating at the least, and just reading your words makes me shake - thats how much my horniness overtakes me. 

 

I've been cheated on multiple times in two different relationships.  The first was an overly piggy partner, we were both in our early 20s, and the amount of cheating, the type of cheating, was madness.  While he was wild in the bedroom with me, what I found out he was doing behind my back, much later on, was monstrous.  While I had a kinky side at that time, it was pretty much just fantasy, and I was very big into monogamy (go figure) and therefore me finding out about what he had done was devastating to the core.  I was concerned since he had started using drugs, and i knew there was some unprotected sex, but I was just more concerned with the deception and the hardcore nature of it.  He ended up leaving me at 23 to be with a 70 year old, and while I'm sure there were gold digger purposes to it, in the end, he was nasty, and he loved the age difference (I ended up finding out) and it brought him sincere pleasure sleeping with the oldest of men. 

 

That relationship devastated me to the core.  I eventually found a much quieter, more well-put together guy, and experienced a pretty mundane and monogamous relationship with him.  After what i experienced with my ex, he certainly checked all the boxes for faithfulness decency. He wasn't very horny a lot of the time, and he was very vanilla.  As a way to spice up our sex life (I have an absolutely insane sex drive), we started talking about threesomes, and ya know, setting all the ground rules about being open and honest, blah blah blah.   I started playing around with this ultra skinny bi polar guy, he was hot, his dick was huge (im not a size queen, just saying though) and he had a much healthier sex drive.  I had kissed him as hard or harder than my boyfriend, but I knew it was all lust.  My bf had never gotten involved due to his lack of sex drive overall.  Finally one day my bf admitted, since he had been talking to the guy this whole time via messaging apps and stuff, that he actually liked him and wanted to go on a date with him, thinking we would make a good thruple if things worked out.  I was fine with that, our dinner was fine and we took him back to our place.  To my knowledge at that time, it was the first time my bf and him had met. Sitting on the couch he played the "its getting kind of hot in here card" and started to strip.  My bf eyed me because he know i could be uncomfortable about this, with my past relationship (yes, even though I had been with his guy a handful of times, it had always been one on one).  I went for it, kissing him, and my bf immediately approached and took him from me and that part of me inside snapped as I watched them make out.  We got into the bedroom quick, stripping totally, me kissing every part of his body while my bf went down on his big dick (my bf IS a size queen and a cocker sucker through and through).  Normal play ensued until we all came, there was no fucking.  Throughout all this however it was becoming apparently clear, even minute by minute, that I was enjoying them too together more than I was enjoying being involved.  And it was specific things too - i mean i certainly had no problem watching my bf's eyes roll into the back of his head sucking that big dick, but i was more turned on seeing their arms wrap around each other, how their fingers grabbed each other, and how heavily they kissed.

 

We didn't hook up after that for a long time.  The episodes of mania that this guy went through were pretty bad, and while I wanted to see him and my bf every night in our bed together, that wasn't happening.  A year or so later this guy texted me out of the blue telling me that he had had my boyfriend hundreds of times without me knowing, half of that before we all met in the threesome described above.  Based on this guys mental history I kinda scoffed at it and thought nothing of it.  I texted my bf saying "oh here he goes again about some BS" and my bf broke down and said it was true.  Here i was on my way to work, with no face-to-face, and im hearing my bf admit that hes cheated, monstrously.  He kept saying he felt really bad, etc, etc., and while I expect many of you who read this will just say thats bullshit, knowing my bf the way I do, it was partially true.  Hes an overall good person in a lot of ways, sensitive, caring, etc.  However, he couldn't escape this boys grasp.  THAT dynamic, the good mixed with the uncontrollable lust, is what did it for me.  The guy told me he never wore a condom with my bf and the amount of loads in him eclipsed absolutely anything I've ever done.  My bf was texting me asking if I was mad at him, and to be honest, I wasn't even at all.  I felt...pride maybe? Contentment? at the very least i was stupid horny over it. I was dying to know what was said, how they loved each other, how crazy the sex had been, but I really only did get half answers.  When I got home that day I demanded my bf fuck me and tell me every single detail from every single time he had gone over there, but alas, again the half answers continued.  I think in some way this was because my bf couldn’t believe I was this turned on by it, and didn’t want to get caught in some entrapping situation, and then also, its because my bf doesn’t do well with begin verbal, at least with me at least.

We had the guy back over multiple times after that.  I got to watch them together understanding their history much more intimately.  I learned that while Im extremely horny and love sex, in the end, seeing them together, how they kissed, how they loved, how they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, was more euphoric and blissful for me than anything else.  I even got to hear my boyfriend whisper lustfully that he loved him, in the midst of the sex multiple times.  I took many pictures of the events, pictures I still masturbate to daily, if not multiple times a day.  I watched that raw cock enter my boyfriend without any questions ask, and I watched this guy try to impregnate him like it was his only mission on earth.  I didn’t interact much.  I wasn’t tied up or in another room, just watching and taking pictures.  I would overwhelmingly, however, middle of the sex get under my bf and start tonguing the cock of the bull who had him in his grasp, as it went in and out of my bfs hole.  And I would also clean his cock once multiple loads had been inserted.

I really don’t know whats gone on since then, the guy hasn’t been around, off in mania again Im sure, but who knows if they have continued to do anything.  He swears he hasn’t, even though Im practically chomping at the bit to hear THAT HE HAS.  Nonetheless, I guess I don’t care.  I want this shy meek and mild bf of mine giving in monstrously in any way he can.  I’ve come to the realization that what my ex had done to me had come full circle, whereas back then what he had done was horrible, now, it was bliss.  I found myself reminiscing about my ex and how much more pleasure I could have extracted from that situation if I only felt the way I do NOW, back then.

Nonetheless I agree with @twinkhunter.  Cheating should be deceptive, it should be destructive, and it should ALWAYS. BE. BAREBACK.  Lust is the greatest of all emotions to me, and man that are bent to its will like my bf should be revered.  Since then my bf and I have been very slutty together, on SOME occasions, (again with the low sex drive thing) but if Im honest doing anything with him has about a 10% euphoria feeling to the 100% I got finding out hes cheating.  Its crazy how wrapped up in it I am.  I masturbate nightly thinking of watching my relationship fall apart, watching lust destroy it, watching my bf become someone elses, and I love every feeling I get from it. 

I certainly have no issues, in fact would love, to chat about this more.  If anyone wants to chat please message me.

I'd live to chat with you about it. I completely relate. I live how you sucked the bull's cock in between him impregnating your boyfriend. 

[suckerboi]

On 9/11/2021 at 1:43 PM, BaphometNocturne said:

I'm of the opinion and always have been that nobody has the right to dictate to you what you do with your body. You only have a short time here to enjoy life so indulge in all of the pleasures you can before you check out. That said, if you want meaningful companionship, honest communication is key. I totally understand the thrill of cheating. Im guilty of it myself, but I have also always tried to be honest with my partners. Was only ever in two real long-term relationships. The first lasted for 9 years and we were open throughout it the entire time and we had a very wholesome companionship. The second lasted for 6 1/2 years and was disastrous, mainly because he was exceedingly immature and he could not be open and honest with me and always tried to make me feel guilty about wanting to open our relationship up, and guess why I ended it? He cheated on me.

After all of the years I offered an open relationship and even when wanting to break up with him over that, he convinced me to go to couples counseling, and I did, only to confess that I was guilty of cheating but because I felt suffocated as he wouldnt accept a break up, nor would he accept an open relationship. Im promiscuous and a sex addict. It is my nature. I tried to alwasy give him the same opportunity to indulge in his pleasures as I wanted to indulge in mine. Then when came time for him to confess to the counselor and I what I already knew in my heart, he said he had only ever talked dirty. Well, I gave him the benefit of the doubt... Fortunately for me, a guy he cheated on me with told me about a month later, and when I finally confronted him, I ended it for good. Not because of the infidelity which I could care less about, but because he was just a liar and with all of the chances I gave him to open up, he instead chose to have his cake and eat it too. Thats the bottom line here: if you love your partner, be honest with them. There are some really great resources available that you can utilize to initiate a dialogue about opening up. One of them is called "The Jealousy Workbook", and it is filled with a lot of fun activities you both can do together and separately to gauge your comfort levels. Of all the men ive known in my life, the relationships that were open to some degree seemed to me to be the most genuine.

I agree with this totally!  Do what you want, but be honest.  

[barebackbro]

On 7/26/2021 at 12:13 AM, PigBoyDallas said:

I don’t date and never have but get with quite a few guys who are cheating on GFs, BFs, and fiancé’s and I get off on knowing they’re cheating and they seem to be enjoying it to. I think it’s the risk honestly.

So, so true. If I have a choice, I always go for the guy who's cheating. The sex is pretty much guaranteed to be hot.

[barebackbro]

On 9/12/2021 at 3:43 AM, BaphometNocturne said:

I'm of the opinion and always have been that nobody has the right to dictate to you what you do with your body.

That's it, in one line.

[hntnhole]

On 7/25/2021 at 2:46 AM, Rye656 said:

Currently in a relationship

The problem, Rye656, is that "he's not down" and you (apparently) have entered into a relationship on a dishonest basis.  Some guys are loving life-partners, and fuck everything they can, either together or separately, and that's the foundation of trust their relationship is built on.  Yours is built on sand - dishonesty.  Even if you honestly thought you would contain your lusts, and only fuck your other half, things change, and when they do, you need to be honest with your bf.  

As usual, BootmanLA & ErosWired are 100% correct. You asked for advice, and received it.  Make good use of it.

[descartes70817]

On 7/26/2021 at 1:57 PM, BootmanLA said:

I think that's horsecrap. We live in a world where we have to all interact with each other, and while we have laws to regulate some interpersonal behavior, we rely HEAVILY on customs of decent behavior to fill in all the gaps where the law can't reach (either effectively, or not at all). We hold doors for older people, or people whose arms are full of packages. We step aside on a sidewalk for someone coming through in a wheelchair who can't herself  turn sideways to take up less room. We let that wheelchair user get onto public transit first so that the bus or train doesn't leave them stranded repeatedly, since we can move faster after they're aboard and still make it on. We let the disabled have priority for seating on that transit. I could come up with a thousand examples of things we expect decent human beings to do even when they're not mandated by law, or even when they're mandated but can't be enforced readily.

If we normalize people breaking their word and cheating in relationships because it's "hot" - if we say "not my business" and treat those shitholes as though they were decent people - we debase our society as a whole. We tell people that it's okay to do whatever you want, no matter who you hurt, if you can find some self-justifying reason to do it. That's a world I don't think most of us want to live in.

And look - I'm not moralizing that sex is bad, or sex with lots of people is bad, or anything like that. I'm for people honestly enjoying themselves as much as they want. But not at the expense of lying to someone about behavior about which you've expressly promised otherwise.

The 1st Amendment already normalizes lying and cheating, so Americans might not fully grasp the concept of loyalty and honesty to a single person.

[fskn]

People have complained in different ways about the "normalization" of behaviors that they dislike and disagree with.

An alternative approach might be to acknowledge that sex is a powerful human impulse, not far removed from our impulses to breathe and eat, and that none of us is perfect.

I'd call it a descriptive (looking at something as it is) as opposed to normative (looking at something as we think it should be, as we wish it were, etc.) approach.

Being flexible with one's romantic partner(s) is likely to lead to much less unhappiness. In this case, I'd say that means not throwing out a whole relationship, or threatening to, just because the partner fucks someone else.

For those who say it's OK as long as the partner is "honest" about it, I'd say that the descriptive approach also means accepting that disclosure is hard and might not come as quickly as you'd like or be as thorough as you claim you'd like. (For people who were socialized to the Disney prince/glass slipper/happily ever after/monogamous wedded bliss view of relationships, detailed disclosure of the sex acts, the physical attraction and/or the emotional attraction often shatters the myth so totally that there is no potential for reconciliation. The psychological consequences are grave, not just because the current relationship must end, but because the myth holds that there is only one prince, and thus there will never be another.)

A flexible outlook might even benefit the individual. As Dan Savage wrote in his column years ago, it's a good idea to give your "cheating" partner an occasional "Get out of blowjob free" card, because someday you might need the same card yourself.

[BootmanLA]

4 hours ago, fskn said:

A flexible outlook might even benefit the individual. As Dan Savage wrote in his column years ago, it's a good idea to give your "cheating" partner an occasional "Get out of blowjob free" card, because someday you might need the same card yourself.

FWIW: I have no problem with people adopting the occasional "get out of X free" card - whether it's a blowjob or fucking or whatever. Yes, monogamy is hard (at times) and yes, people are socialized to expect the one Disney prince and all that, but still: as many people in this thread have made clear, they have zero intention of honoring their word, not because it's hard to keep but because they never intended to keep it in the first place. 

Savage has also written that while cheating is *sometimes* the least bad option, that's not a blanket license to do so, which so many responding posters here have suggested. 

[fskn]

12 hours ago, descartes70817 said:

The 1st Amendment already normalizes lying and cheating, so Americans might not fully grasp the concept of loyalty and honesty to a single person.

Americans have blind spots, to be sure, but the First Amendment is what stops the US Congress — and now, an increasingly conservative judiciary — from banning the parts of this Web site that have not already been banned.

I'm not aware of a specific connection between First Amendment speech and lying and cheating. (I would be interested in hearing examples relevant to this thread.) On the contrary, I do know that US laws against libel and slander protect people from lies, and that these laws do not apply when what's written or said is true.

[hntnhole]

16 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

they have zero intention of honoring their word, not because it's hard to keep but because they never intended to keep it in the first place.

To me, this is the crux of the problem.  If the formalization of the relationship began with a promise of monogamy, then when that (almost certainly) changes, the hornier of the two owes it first to his partner, and then to himself, to have "the talk" with the partner he promised fidelity to.  The sneaking around, the lying, cheating degrades the horndog partner, and inevitably leads to a lesser, not greater human being.  I don't think there are all that many gay monogamous "couples" wherein at least one has had "outside" sexual contact.  Part of being gay is recognizing and acting upon our Lusts, and that fact needs to be celebrated, not repressed.  Cultural bs be damned - being honest with your partner(s) is mandatory to living a decent life. 

If the other half - still ensnared with the cultural baggage most of us were raised with - can't / won't deal with fucking other guys, the problem lies not with sexuality, but almost certainly with the religio-cultural hatreds we've all been taught from an early age.  It's those perversions that need to be overcome.  

[FunCheerSlut]

It's rarely ever as good as the fantasy. So, either keep the fantasy or potentially unravel what you've worked to build and create. It is never the same once the genie is out of the bottle.

[barebackbro]

4 hours ago, FunCheerSlut said:

It's rarely ever as good as the fantasy. So, either keep the fantasy or potentially unravel what you've worked to build and create. It is never the same once the genie is out of the bottle.

The fantasy of rampant, anonymous raw fucking is great. But isn't the reality of it mind-blowing?

It's obviously fine to object to deliberately running the risk of seriously hurting your lover, and ruining everything you have built together. Plenty of people think that way. I just don't think it's true that cheating isn't as good as the fantasy.

I'm already hard thinking about my next toilet block fuck. Will he get my load? Will I get his? Both?

[BootmanLA]

4 hours ago, barebackbro said:

The fantasy of rampant, anonymous raw fucking is great. But isn't the reality of it mind-blowing?

For clarity's sake, I would stress that "rampant, anonymous raw fucking" is not the same thing as "cheating". One can be in a relationship that's open enough to allow "rampant, anonymous raw fucking" that's perfectly OK with the partners.

That said, if that kind of sex is good enough that it makes seriously hurting your partner (by cheating on the rules you've agreed to) acceptable, I'd say you are not a particularly good candidate for a relationship. At least, not with anyone decent.

Have all the toilet block fucks you want, dude, just don't pretend to a partner that you aren't. If you do pretend, it's pretty much declaring yourself a shit person.

[barebackbro]

On 1/21/2022 at 4:44 PM, BootmanLA said:

For clarity's sake, I would stress that "rampant, anonymous raw fucking" is not the same thing as "cheating". One can be in a relationship that's open enough to allow "rampant, anonymous raw fucking" that's perfectly OK with the partners.

That said, if that kind of sex is good enough that it makes seriously hurting your partner (by cheating on the rules you've agreed to) acceptable, I'd say you are not a particularly good candidate for a relationship. At least, not with anyone decent.

Have all the toilet block fucks you want, dude, just don't pretend to a partner that you aren't. If you do pretend, it's pretty much declaring yourself a shit person.

I agree with your first paragraph.

I was surprised by the personal and judgmental tone of the balance of the post, not least because you know so little about my life. It's unnecessary to say more.

I'm sure we can agree on wishing everyone a safe and happy weekend!