Resources for Survivors of Sexual Trauma

[ErosWired]

I often read in topics here accounts by members who had their first introduction to sexual matters at an early age - some very early - and many attest that they not only were not harmed by it, but are glad it happened. I hope that is true for them, but given the relatively large number of men who tell of such early events here, I thought I would post a link to a site I just happened across that appears to offer a number of links to support resources for survivors of sexual trauma. The site is here:

[think before following links] https://malesurvivor.org/healing-resources/

I hope that might be helpful to someone.  I count myself blessed that I somehow managed to get through my young years without anyone sexually assaulting me. I attribute it partly to my being so utterly oblivious to sexuality for so long that I never would have noticed; the single incident that happened was a guy rubbing his cock through his pants where I could see it through the shelf at the public library. I was too focused on the books to give it any significance. But I was such an innocent that I know someone could have hurt me very badly.

[hntnhole]

I understand your posting very, very well.  Being raised in an ultra-religious home, neighborhood and city, I didn't even know men could have sex together until I went away to undergrad.  Fortunately, a frat brother brought me out - we're still in contact with each other occasionally.  I too feel very badly about abused kids too, and I believe it's the religiously-based, cultural hatreds behind it, empowering, excusing it.

Now that I'm out of BZ jail (you can post 0 messages, wait 24 hours), I can at least thank you for your insightful posts, and on a variety of subjects.  I particularly like reading well-written, well conceived commentary from other guys, and I enjoy responding as well. 

Thanks for posting that link - there may be a decent number of guys on here that can use help with those issues.  

Best ...

[BootmanLA]

53 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

I often read in topics here accounts by members who had their first introduction to sexual matters at an early age - some very early - and many attest that they not only were not harmed by it, but are glad it happened. I hope that is true for them, but given the relatively large number of men who tell of such early events here, I thought I would post a link to a site I just happened across that appears to offer a number of links to support resources for survivors of sexual trauma. The site is here:

[think before following links] [think before following links] https://malesurvivor.org/healing-resources/

I hope that might be helpful to someone.  I count myself blessed that I somehow managed to get through my young years without anyone sexually assaulting me. I attribute it partly to my being so utterly oblivious to sexuality for so long that I never would have noticed; the single incident that happened was a guy rubbing his cock through his pants where I could see it through the shelf at the public library. I was too focused on the books to give it any significance. But I was such an innocent that I know someone could have hurt me very badly.

Certainly NOT to downplay any sexual assault on someone unable to legally consent, but I read most of the "I was opened up by my uncle and my dad and my grandfather and my four older brothers" stories with enough salt to offset a decade's worth of hypertension meds. 

[hntnhole]

LOL ... for some reason my saltshaker was right next to the computer .... dunno how it got there ....

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

Certainly NOT to downplay any sexual assault on someone unable to legally consent, but I read most of the "I was opened up by my uncle and my dad and my grandfather and my four older brothers" stories with enough salt to offset a decade's worth of hypertension meds. 

I think that’s why I felt like I should post this when I found it. The general tenor of so many of these accounts paint the experience in a positive, if not lurid hue, that I can imagine someone genuinely traumatized by such an experience feeling as though he would not be accepted if he shared his feelings. I don’t pretend to put my feet in the shoes of anyone who was attacked as a child - my own experiences of sexual assault have come well into adulthood - so I don’t claim to understand the complexities of anyone’s reaction to it. But sexual assault does harm children, and if anyone here is even secretly struggling with that in his life I would hope he could find a little support here. Especially if there are some who would glorify it for the sake of pure titillation.

[Guest]

Thanks for this post and the link.

What strikes me that I find websites/organizations like these more and more online, either wanting to address the subject (of sexual abuse targeted at boys) or claiming they can offer effective help for those who this happened to. There are also one or two that are based in my country but I won't post any link because I'm not sure how qualified the people behind it are. Although they might mean well something about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions.

It might be that this is in part because (male) victims feel they're unable to find the help that is suited to their needs.

The website you reference is at the very least accurate in their listed facts:

"1. Boys and men can be victims of sexual abuse and rape.
2. Most sexual abuse of boys is not perpetrated by homosexual males.
3. A boy or adult male can experience an erection, sexual arousal, and even orgasm from abusive contact without being a willing participant or enjoying it.
4. Boys can be significantly traumatized by sexual abuse.
5. Sexual abuse does not determine sexual identity/orientation.
6. Male survivors are not more likely to become sexual abusers.
7. Women can and do perpetrate sexual abuse.
8. Male survivors of child sexual abuse delay disclosure for, on average, 20 years.
9. Boys and men can be and are victims of sexual exploitation/trafficking."
([think before following links] [think before following links] https://malesurvivor.org/the-facts-of-male-survivorship/)

The only thing missing in this list, of the top of my hat, is that most cases of abuse happen within families and/or in situations where the victim and abuser know each other. I deeply feel it's a good thing that all these insights become more available everywhere so people don't just watch out for the loner male rapist, and that way hopefully sexual abuse - especially of the under-aged - will be prevented more-and-more.

If anyone is indeed seeking help I would also like to tell them to not only look into qualifications (which of course should be up to scratch) or if the therapist or institution has expertise in the effects of abuse but to look for someone with whom they can have a good therapeutic relationship. This is because that personal aspect is often a strong deciding factor if therapy will work and help someone with psychological issues, including (sexual) trauma. 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Guest
forgot some words, which made some sentences utter rubbish.