Anti-Gay Doctors?

[BlackDude]

I’m putting this out there, just to see if I’m being too sensitive. Has anyone one else felt their doctor has given them a hard time just for being gay? Not saying discrimination, just making things more difficult. 
 

First my doctor is a woman. Around my same age. When I asked for Prep, her whole attitude changed when she asked about my “sexual activities.” Here’s some of the other BS I feel is Kind of unnecessary or being made more difficult:

1. Consistently have to remind her to refill my Prep every 30 days, even tho she can do it for every 90 days

2. Sometimes I ask for STD testing between the 90 days, and she will wait the full regulated time to schedule an appointment and make me come into the office for a visit instead of just scheduling the tests. Then I’ll have to explain what I did so she can determine “what tests are needed.” My previous doctor would respond immediately and just set up the test same day. Then she won’t schedule the test until all the labs are closed.

3. When I asked her about a certain medical shot she recommended I take, she very sternly responded “it’s because of your lifestyle.” 

4. I have to get screened every 90 days for prep. I swear she will wait until the 88th day to set up a lab and I run around all day to make sure I get tested, refilled and cleared. 
 

 

Am I being a baby? Probably, but I am also comparing based with how I was treated by my two previous doctors. I know I should just change doctors, but I’m not 100% sure it is what I think it is.

 

 I swear this is a single, middle-aged woman who has contempt for me because she feels guys like me should be marrying gals like her. Maybe I’m nuts.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 4, 2021 by BlackDude

[BlackDude]

1 minute ago, BlackDude said:

 

3. When I asked her about a certain medical shot she recommended I take, she very sternly responded “it’s because of your lifestyle.” 

 

 

 

 

 

To clarify, it want a COVID shot. 

Edited October 4, 2021 by BlackDude

[BootmanLA]

9 minutes ago, BlackDude said:

3. When I asked her about a certain medical shot she recommended I take, she very sternly responded “it’s because of your lifestyle.” 
....

Am I being a baby? Probably, but I am also comparing based with how I was treated by my two previous doctors. I know I should just change doctors, but I’m not 100% sure it is what I think it is.

 I swear this is a single, middle-aged woman who has contempt for me because she feels guys like me should be marrying guys like her. Maybe I’m nuts.

The ONLY reason you need for changing doctors is "I don't feel comfortable with this doctor."

The snark embedded in the comment about "lifestyle" is all it would take for me to pull the trigger and go. You asked a serious question about a medication, and she should have given you a medical explanation, not a snub based on your "lifestyle".

Not sure where you live, but if you know any other openly gay people you could ask who their physician is, and if they're satisfied with the treatment they get.

[BlackDude]

2 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

The ONLY reason you need for changing doctors is "I don't feel comfortable with this doctor."

The snark embedded in the comment about "lifestyle" is all it would take for me to pull the trigger and go. You asked a serious question about a medication, and she should have given you a medical explanation, not a snub based on your "lifestyle".

Not sure where you live, but if you know any other openly gay people you could ask who their physician is, and if they're satisfied with the treatment they get.

I know you are 100%. But I’d hate to put a stain on this woman’s reputation (or note in file?!) and all I’m going by is “spidey senses” and emotions. 

[BootmanLA]

You don't have to give a reason, and it's unlikely anything will be noted to file. If pressed, you can just say that you aren't comfortable continuing under her care, and prefer another doctor.

Trust me, the way doctors protect each other, one non-specific transfer to someone else is not even a blip on the radar.

[viking8x6]

I would definitely get a new doctor. As others have said, you don't need a reason. But in fact, you have several good ones. To be blunt, she is (apparently deliberately) making it difficult for you to get and adhere to the healthcare you need (and which is currently recommended by the medical community as the standard of practice).  Regardless of why she is doing that or whether it's intentional, it is unacceptable and there's no reason you should put up with it.

[PigFaggot2904]

23 minutes ago, BlackDude said:

I know you are 100%. But I’d hate to put a stain on this woman’s reputation (or note in file?!) and all I’m going by is “spidey senses” and emotions. 

Based on everything you have said, she is not giving you the quality care that you need & deserve.  "Spidey senses and emotions" can sometimes be enough--it's also known as a "gut feeling" and sometimes you have to trust what your gut is telling you.  I'd switch doctors immediately--her reputation be damned.

So sorry you had to experience this.  

[BBBxCumDumpster]

I think you should find another doctor immediately.  You certainly don't want to dread taking care of your health. 

If you are asked why you wish to change doctors,  then just give the facts without your conclusion. Chances are an administrator had encountered others who've had issues with her.  She has a clear contempt for boundaries, professional and personal.  If it were me. I'd shut her down. But perhaps you just want better Healthcare and not confrontation. 

[RealCute]

Yes you should change doctor.  Imagine you were the doctor and she was the patient would treat her in the same manner?  

I suspect you would not, she clearly is not okay with our lifestyle and you're not okay with her doctoring drop her like a hot potato.

I was at a specialist appointment one time explaining to the doctor my issues.  During my explanation he felt it was more important to text in the middle of my explanation rather than listen to my issues that was the first and only time I went to his office.

Contacted my Gp to refer a new Dr.

[backdoorjimmy]

 Holy crap, your doctor sounds like a nightmare! I had the same doctor from the time I was 11 until I was 19, then I had to change doctors. I came out to my doctor when I was 13 and the first thing he did was sit me down with my mom and tell me that if I ever felt judged or mistreated by anyone on his staff, let him know and he'd take care of it. He wasn't exactly excited when he found out I was also sexually active, but his first responsibility was to my care. I'm sorry that your doctor is being so bigoted.

5 hours ago, BlackDude said:

I know you are 100%. But I’d hate to put a stain on this woman’s reputation (or note in file?!) and all I’m going by is “spidey senses” and emotions.

She's putting a stain on her own reputation - if she can't help herself from being a homophobe and a bigot, then she shouldn't be treating patients at all. How can she make good decisions about your health if she can't see past your sexual orientation. Making you refill your PrEP every 30 days instead of every 90 days is such BS.

You have a right to feel comfortable talking to your doctor about your healthcare decisions and concerns. If she's making you feel uncomfortable, then you should find a doctor that doesn't make you feel that way.

 

 

 

 

[breedable70]

You deserve better. It can be a pain to find a doctor you're comfortable with who isn't judging you or even just seeming to judge you. You are most likely less willing to be completely honest with your current one, no? Completely understandable but also one of the reasons you need to find one you can be honest with, one who is just as open and nonjudgemental back. I'm in the medical field and can say there are a lot of really great, nonjudgemental doctors out there, gay and straight alike. There are also a few duds that we all need to avoid as much as possible. Good luck on your search for a better doctor for you.

[fskn]

@BlackDude, several of your doctor's actions seem inconsistent with the CDC PrEP guidelines.

Whether you receive a 30- or 90-day PrEP prescription is ultimately an insurance matter; it should not be a matter of clinical discretion. Many health plans charge lower unit prices for 90-day prescriptions than for 30-day ones (although PrEP constitutes preventive care, so the medication and all PrEP-related services should be free of charge for the vast majority of insured Americans).

Your doctor was right to take a sexual history when you asked for PrEP, although a conscientious general practitioner would already have done so. It should be done as a matter of course for all patients who are at an age where they are likely to be sexually active (jokingly, I'd say, as was said decades ago, for all patients "of marriageable age" 🙂).

Whether STI test requests between the 3-month interval specified in the CDC PrEP guidelines should occasion further discussion of sexual habits is debatable. It is reasonable to minimize unnecessary tests. (For example, as a PrEP patient at Kaiser Permanente, I have standing orders and can go in for common STI tests as often as every 3 weeks. I go monthly regardless of my level of sexual activity, but I always decline the rectal swab because I'm a top and never have potential exposure from receptive anal sex.) It is not reasonable to make patients feel ashamed, to waste their time, or to delay access to testing.

Your doctor was right to recommend Covid-19 vaccination. Although research hasn't yet established that men who have sex with men (MSM) are at a higher risk of Covid-19 infection, of severe illness if they do become infected, and of death, plenty of research shows that GLBT people have worse health outcomes than the general population.

Research does, unfortunately, indicate that African Americans are significantly more likely to become infected, to experience severe illness, and to die from Covid-19, than the average American.

I hope you'll follow your doctor's advice to get a Covid-19 vaccination if you have not already done so, and then follow everyone's advice here, and get a new doctor.

Good luck! Remember that you are worth it. You have the right to sound medical care, free of stigma. Your life, or at least, your quality of life, depends on it.

Edited October 5, 2021 by fskn
Typos

[blackrobe]

8 hours ago, BlackDude said:

I’m putting this out there, just to see if I’m being too sensitive. Has anyone one else felt their doctor has given them a hard time just for being gay? Not saying discrimination, just making things more difficult. 

[...]

Am I being a baby? Probably, but I am also comparing based with how I was treated by my two previous doctors. I know I should just change doctors, but I’m not 100% sure it is what I think it is.

I'm usually the measured data driven guy on these kinds of things, but in this case I wholeheartedly agree you need a new doctor. There's nothing subtle about her behavior as you've reported it. Find a GAY doctor that you can talk to or a doctor of any sexuality that can do their job without being a passive aggressive and judgmental asshole. 

You deserve better. Go get it.

[haireebear]

DTMFA.  

[blackrobe]

10 minutes ago, fskn said:

@BlackDude, several of your doctor's actions seem inconsistent with the CDC PrEP guidelines.

[...]

Good luck! Remember that you are worth it. You have the right to sound medical care, free of stigma. Your life, or at least, your quality of life, depends on it.

I go to a clinic with "PrEP nurses" whose job it is to make sure people at greater STI risk are getting the prophylaxis and treatment that they need. I've *never* felt shamed or weird with their questions about how many partners and what I do. I know they are looking out for me. They let me guide them in what tests are appropriate based on what I know I've been up to. It's a partnership. No one deserves less.