In need of a father figure

[Omnivac]

Quite unexpectedly, I met again with him, at his house. I needed a recommendation letter and I approached him. Long story how, but the professor I'm working with more or less "made" me ask it from him. And then well.. the devil made me do it. I didn't hold back, I told him how I felt and that I missed him. I started touching him and we kissed. He fucked me. But it felt very gentle, he really cared about me being hurt. And I don't think he had fucked a guy before. And then he cried but he told me that he cries because he was very happy and that I should find someone to live happily with. I don't know but that night I felt what happiness tastes like.

It's dificult to put into words. Most of the days (and nights) my mind feels like a busy train station where thoughts come and go like trains. I always search my mails or prepare documents etc. But that night everything was erased. I was just with him nothing else. We started to talk anew. He told me that he never stopped thinking of me and that it hurt so much.