I think I had enough of that

[Sharp-edge]

I'm with my bf for almost a decade. We love each other, we're having great sex and hugging him feels so nice. The problem is we are both closeted. I know that everything is supposed to be cool in 2022 and some would say c'me on it's 2022 nobody cares if u're gay. But for my place (Athens, Greece) I don't feel that's true. I mean definitely there are people who are uncloseted (is this the term?) and bullying someone for being gay is way less tolerated that it was before but still..

My friends don't know about me. By hiding this I distanced myself from them. But actually, I remained silent because I felt they wouldn't approve. Thus someone would say that you don't need someone who doesn't like u for who you are. Only two people know about me and this is such a relief.

The past weekened I went to my "best friend's" wedding (how can you bestie not know?). I felt sad because everybody had his gf (for reasons that I failed to comprehend he only invited his male friends and they brought their gf). I felt kinda sad and weak. Sad because I was like hey I have a bf too I'm not the eternally single guy you took me for. And weak because I was alone.  Most guys there would either not talk to me or making fun of me.

the worst part

we stayed in a hotel bcz the wedding was outside of Athens. To my surprise the room he had booked for me was shared with another guy (he is a friend of his and I know him, we're not friends but we were together in medical school). That friend, during the night tried to provoke me. It was a kind of test to check whether I was gay or not. I figured because of a messaged. My "best friend" told me that I would stay with me and that I would have fun. That was odd but I didn't really thought much about it. I felt humiliated. I told him that I was gay and he said he thought so and he insulted me. We fought. In his eyes, a gay can't fight he's supposed to get beated. But I box for ages. Such arrogant was he that he thought that a gay boxer can't box a straight random dude.

Anyway I just felt very very bad about this. I didn't deserve that. Nobody does

 

 

[viking8x6]

No, nobody does.

And this is why we still have to fight for equality.

[wyobtmbnk]

And you have just turned 30. I would think that your friends would be accepting and just see you for their friend. Sorry this happened. 

[BlackDude]

7 hours ago, viking8x6 said:

No, nobody does.

And this is why we still have to fight for equality.

That won’t change people hearts and minds. Only legal requirements. 

[BootmanLA]

54 minutes ago, BlackDude said:

That won’t change people hearts and minds. Only legal requirements. 

I'm not sure that's entirely true (though I am absolutely, positively in favor of legal requirements for equal protection/treatment, regardless).

It was certainly true for the Civil Rights movement in the 1950's and 1960's - integration came, where it did, at the barrel of a gun held by U.S. marshals and in the form of court orders that dared local officials to defy federal courts at the pain of imprisonment for contempt.

But public opinion on gay people shifted in spite of lacking legal requirements to do so. Certainly not for everyone; there are, of course, still bigots out there enraged that gay people can get married (or even that they can legally have sex without being arrested), just as there are bigots who are enraged that Black people don't have to defer to White people across society. But the overall view of gay people has changed faster, and without as much legal pressure, such that by the time sodomy laws were struck down, they were only in effect in about 13 states (out of 50) and were increasingly rarely enforced.

When the Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had to recognize same-sex marriages (US v. Windsor, in 2013), only twelve states had legal same-sex marriage. By the time Obergefell was decided, two years later, thirty-eight states did. Granted, much of that change came about because lower courts began to require states to recognize same-sex marriage, but still: public opinion was shifting rapidly, and when Obergefell was decided, the Court (for once) was behind public opinion, which was already at 60% when the decision was handed down.

In 1997, only 27% of Americans supported same-sex marriage. 25 years later, in 2022, that approval rate is now 70%.

Contrast that with, say, interracial marriage; in 1958, just 4% of people supported mixed-race marriage rights. In 1967, when Loving v Virginia struck down state bans on the practice, approval was still well below 20%. It took until 1995 for approval to reach just 50%. It didn't reach the 70% mark - the current approval rate for same-sex marriage - until the early 2000's, 35+ years after Loving.

All of this is to say: sometimes legal action pushes society, and sometimes legal action follows society.