That point when you know you have to stop...

[Lorenzo]

Short intro:

- Been together with my girl for just shy of 18 years.

- Been getting fucked by men for about 20 years.

- Been dressing up as a girl for about 22 years (the full monty, outfit, wig, make-up, heels... and looking stunning I might add).

 

We have had our ups and downs... and the last couple of years we have had no sex whatsoever. She has had an affair or two, I have been taking cock. When she was abroad for a couple of days, I'd dress a lot. She knows nothing about me taking cock, she knows about 1% about the dressing up.

 

We fucked - it just happened, completely out of the blue - for the first time in about 4-5 years.

And she's pregnant (and don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy to be a father).

 

My first instinct is: I need to stop taking cock, I need to stop dressing. I have other things to do now.

At the same time I doubt just being able to change certain things.

Anyone have any experience they want to share?

[ErosWired]

On the one hand, I don’t cross-dress, so can’t speak to that area of your question. On the other, I’m a father of two, and bringing a child into the world rearranges your priorities in a radical way, very, very quickly. Unless, of course, you’re a piece of shit for a parent.

When the child appears, the calculus changes - your life is no longer all about you anymore. There’s a growing, developing human being who cannot fend for itself, and you brought it to this hostile environment. It’s on you to ensure that that new person gets needs met and gets the best possible running start at launching off into life. And God knows it ain’t easy.

Will you have to give up putting on women’s clothes and taking cock from strangers? Possibly, for a while. It will depend on what impact that activity might have on the child. Does it risk the destruction of the family unit the child depends on? If so, then, yes, you probably need to suck it up for a while and be a dad instead of a sissy slut. You bought the dad ticket, now you’re on the dad train. (It never really comes to a stop, but it will slow down in about 18-21 years.)

I realize that telling you that you may need to set aside an aspect of your sexuality for a time seems like a steep order. But I can also tell you what can happen if you don’t. If your spouse (I’m assuming spouse, though you only call her “your girl”) learns of your behavior and decides that she isn’t willing to put up with that, you could face a breakup of the relationship - regrettable for you, but catastrophic for a child who will not be raised with both parents. Yes, it happens all the time, and children survive. But I’m not speaking theoretically. I’m speaking from experience. My two grew up in two separate houses on shared time, and it has hurt them.

Only you can decide what your priorities are, and where your values lie. Only you can tell how much you’re willing to sacrifice for the love of your child. I don’t envy you the choices you have to face.

I do congratulate you on your coming fatherhood.

[justinjt]

7 hours ago, ErosWired said:

On the one hand, I don’t cross-dress, so can’t speak to that area of your question. On the other, I’m a father of two, and bringing a child into the world rearranges your priorities in a radical way, very, very quickly. Unless, of course, you’re a piece of shit for a parent.

When the child appears, the calculus changes - your life is no longer all about you anymore. There’s a growing, developing human being who cannot fend for itself, and you brought it to this hostile environment. It’s on you to ensure that that new person gets needs met and gets the best possible running start at launching off into life. And God knows it ain’t easy.

Will you have to give up putting on women’s clothes and taking cock from strangers? Possibly, for a while. It will depend on what impact that activity might have on the child. Does it risk the destruction of the family unit the child depends on? If so, then, yes, you probably need to suck it up for a while and be a dad instead of a sissy slut. You bought the dad ticket, now you’re on the dad train. (It never really comes to a stop, but it will slow down in about 18-21 years.)

I realize that telling you that you may need to set aside an aspect of your sexuality for a time seems like a steep order. But I can also tell you what can happen if you don’t. If your spouse (I’m assuming spouse, though you only call her “your girl”) learns of your behavior and decides that she isn’t willing to put up with that, you could face a breakup of the relationship - regrettable for you, but catastrophic for a child who will not be raised with both parents. Yes, it happens all the time, and children survive. But I’m not speaking theoretically. I’m speaking from experience. My two grew up in two separate houses on shared time, and it has hurt them.

Only you can decide what your priorities are, and where your values lie. Only you can tell how much you’re willing to sacrifice for the love of your child. I don’t envy you the choices you have to face.

I do congratulate you on your coming fatherhood.

U have two kids? U married to man or woman? It's hot seeing pig cheating on their wives though.

[ErosWired]

I was married to a woman for 17 years. I loved her then, and I love her still, and as she is the mother of my children we are still bound as family. It would never have occurred to me to cheat on her, and I never did, not once. She left not because I was unfaithful, but because we proved incompatible, in her view, though not in mine. I do not share your view about cheating being in any way “hot”. I condemn it.

[ellentonboy]

7 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

I was married to a woman for 17 years. I loved her then, and I love her still, and as she is the mother of my children we are still bound as family. It would never have occurred to me to cheat on her, and I never did, not once. She left not because I was unfaithful, but because we proved incompatible, in her view, though not in mine. I do not share your view about cheating being in any way “hot”. I condemn it.

I really appreciate you being honest with the BZ members.  It's tough to talk about issues lyou addressed.  I applaud your honesty, because there was a time when it was expected that a man marry a woman and have children, and you inner feelings did not matter.   Divorce and  having children are never a fun topic, I think it is great you took that leap to share your experience.

[BannedWord]

On 8/3/2022 at 5:08 AM, Lorenzo said:

We fucked - it just happened, completely out of the blue - for the first time in about 4-5 years.
And she's pregnant (and don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy to be a father).

My first instinct is: I need to stop taking cock, I need to stop dressing. I have other things to do now.
At the same time I doubt just being able to change certain things.
Anyone have any experience they want to share?

You bought the ticket when you made the decision to fuck once again and you got the result, whether desired or not, but I'll agree with ErosWired that the child deserves to be brought up in a loving family unit if at all possible.

One question I'll ask: You mentioned she's had affairs, and since you didn't state the timing or proximity information, do you know for certain that the child is yours?  If so, congratulations. If not, you have some other decisions.

I'll diverge from ErosWired's view in one key area, your mileage may vary. I grew up in a two parent household, and it was far from perfect.  It was very dysfunctional. Devoid of affection between the parents, and distant from the extended family. A dad who was king of the two-beer-buzz and had difficulty in keeping a job, let alone a career. A mother who was an alcoholic. Pretty fractured. Might I have been better off with one parent? In a way I was since the other parent was off and rarely every a presence in my life, even if he was physically there. The only glue keeping that relationship together was me, and when I went off to college, things fell apart very quickly. In the end, mom was mom and still is after two failed marriages and fractured relationships of all kinds, and dad never really understood how to be truly close to his wife or kid and just kept as far away as possible.

If you're going to be a family, be a family. Rather than having to stay together for the sake of the kid, be an actual lasting presence in the child's life. Be the person that you needed as a kid, whether you and your girl cohabitate or not. Just having two parents in a home is convenient but doesn't always result in the right things happening.

Good luck in your decisions.

[hntnhole]

It's always fascinating how becoming a parent can add a dimension to one's life.  Lorenzo, are you absolutely sure you have to give up sex with men?  There are countless men that are able to "pigeon-hole" their sexual deviancies, sating their desires to a certain point, and maintaining the "family-man" facets of life as well.  It sounds like you've placed yourself in a fairly desperate place.  Of course you "have other things to do now ...." - wonderful things, beautiful things, self-less things.   

I haven't found myself in a similar situation, so I'm merely asking why you couldn't carve out a little time, here and there, occasionally, for your own needs.  It seems to me that you would be happier, more fulfilled, and thus more able to devote yourself to "the other wonderful thing".  The SRQDude's commentary above is well worth taking to heart, and that's already your instinct.  Isn't there a little bit of room for satisfying that part of who you are too?

Best of luck.

[Stiff14me20]

She had sex with you out of the blue? After not having sex with you for years?
Possible that she could’ve gotten bred  by another cock, found out she was knocked up, and then fucked you as an attempt to cover or get you on the hook for providing for them both by making you think the kid came from your seed. 

[Pigforcum]

21 hours ago, Stiff14me20 said:

She had sex with you out of the blue? After not having sex with you for years?
Possible that she could’ve gotten bred  by another cock, found out she was knocked up, and then fucked you as an attempt to cover or get you on the hook for providing for them both by making you think the kid came from your seed. 

100% agree

[Lorenzo]

On 8/6/2022 at 4:22 PM, Stiff14me20 said:

She had sex with you out of the blue? After not having sex with you for years?
Possible that she could’ve gotten bred  by another cock, found out she was knocked up, and then fucked you as an attempt to cover or get you on the hook for providing for them both by making you think the kid came from your seed. 

Nah, while it is a possibility, I think this is not very likely. But as a guy, no way to know for sure except for a DNA test.

Nevertheless, thanks for the responses.

Stuff to think about.

[Guest]

You can be a father, a cross dresser and Bisexual at the same time, you can't simply change who you really are. 

[Lorenzo]

Well... we lost it at 9,5 weeks.

I hate that my coping mechanisms are what they are.

[Piggyybttmm]

On 8/6/2022 at 10:22 AM, Stiff14me20 said:

She had sex with you out of the blue? After not having sex with you for years?
Possible that she could’ve gotten bred  by another cock, found out she was knocked up, and then fucked you as an attempt to cover or get you on the hook for providing for them both by making you think the kid came from your seed. 

Yeahhhh I'd def get a paternity test just in case

[Piggyybttmm]

24 minutes ago, Lorenzo said:

Well... we lost it at 9,5 weeks.

I hate that my coping mechanisms are what they are.

Jeeeeez. I'm so sorry. 

[Close2MyBro]

My first question is if you're certain this is your child. I had this exact same thing happen to a friend of mine. His wife had sex with him out of the blue after a long period of no activity. At the end of the day, she had got pregnant by another man and wanted him to believe the child was his. It became very evident after the child was born that it wasn't his. Looked nothing like him and had a skin tone that was not what they would have expected. He immediately had the child DNA tested and it was not his child.