Becoming infatuated with my best mate

[cub84]

Picking up on an earlier post about allowing yourself to have these feelings and emotions, I fully agree. There’s clearly an intensity and connection that’s focussed it on Tom, but is it solely him, is it solely the closeness of your existing bond that’s fuelling your feelings, or has it opened something more and it’s changed how you consciously think about other men.

I don’t know how much opportunity you get to have time to yourself but there’s three LGBT movies I’d suggest. Largely as a non-porn way of helping you to explore your feelings and experiences.

• God’s Own Country, an exceptional film from a couple years back, about a guy that works on his family farm and develops a relationship with a labourer on his farm.
• Weekend, a film about a one night stand that lasts over the course of a weekend.
• In From The Side, a film set at a gay rugby club where two team members have an affair with each other.

I picked these three because (a) they’re all British, (b) while they don’t involve coming out struggles they show gay experiences that aren’t stereotypical depictions of being gay, (c) they involve characters in their late 20s/early 30s. All three are available on regular streaming platforms (GOC and Weekend are on Amazon Prime, In From The Side is on Netflix), but I suspect you might not want them to appear in the history so as not to raise suspicions of your wife. Weekend and In From The Side are both available on the BFI Player service from the British Film Institute and are free as part of their subscription packages which is free for 14-days. God’s Own Country is also available through the BFI Player as a rental for £3.50. Their LGBT+ collection of films is called Flare, after the name of their annual film festival for LGBT+ films, [think before following links] https://player.bfi.org.uk/subscription/collection/bfi-flare-lgbtqia.

 

[SamBedderz9031]

2 hours ago, cub84 said:

Picking up on an earlier post about allowing yourself to have these feelings and emotions, I fully agree. There’s clearly an intensity and connection that’s focussed it on Tom, but is it solely him, is it solely the closeness of your existing bond that’s fuelling your feelings, or has it opened something more and it’s changed how you consciously think about other men.

I don’t know how much opportunity you get to have time to yourself but there’s three LGBT movies I’d suggest. Largely as a non-porn way of helping you to explore your feelings and experiences.

• God’s Own Country, an exceptional film from a couple years back, about a guy that works on his family farm and develops a relationship with a labourer on his farm.
• Weekend, a film about a one night stand that lasts over the course of a weekend.
• In From The Side, a film set at a gay rugby club where two team members have an affair with each other.

I picked these three because (a) they’re all British, (b) while they don’t involve coming out struggles they show gay experiences that aren’t stereotypical depictions of being gay, (c) they involve characters in their late 20s/early 30s. All three are available on regular streaming platforms (GOC and Weekend are on Amazon Prime, In From The Side is on Netflix), but I suspect you might not want them to appear in the history so as not to raise suspicions of your wife. Weekend and In From The Side are both available on the BFI Player service from the British Film Institute and are free as part of their subscription packages which is free for 14-days. God’s Own Country is also available through the BFI Player as a rental for £3.50. Their LGBT+ collection of films is called Flare, after the name of their annual film festival for LGBT+ films, [think before following links] [think before following links] https://player.bfi.org.uk/subscription/collection/bfi-flare-lgbtqia.

 

Thank you so much pal.!

[PozTalkAuthor]

Take the first step, as I told you; stop feeling "wrong", happiness is just around the corner! No step can be taken till you judge yourself badly, self-stigma is worse than everything else

[SomewhereonNeptune]

There’s a lot to unpack there, so first of all, thanks for sharing. That’s a great first step. From your manner of writing and expression, you’re clearly British and there’s a habit of just being stoic, keeping that stiff upper lip and ‘carrying on’. Opening up was a good step. You definitely should avail yourself of a therapist, preferably someone who is versed in relationships and preferably someone with whom you can be open about sexuality. From reading what you’ve provided, it’s clear that you find something about this stressful and unsettling and causing you anxiety. Maybe ask yourself why you think that. Is it because you fear that you’re seeing this bloke in a much different way? Has something awakened in you? Do you find something uncomfortable in those feelings? Have you ever been turned on by a guy before? Are some of those an underlying cause?

There’s nothing “wrong” with what you felt — feelings aren’t that binary, they just exist and you’re entitled to them. Those here came to their own realizations at different points in their lives (for me, some feelings around 13, and someone coming out in an unwelcome way at 15, but continued feelings through life). Keep in mind that bisexuality and pansexuality are things that have gained more light in the decades since my own early experiences some 42 years or so ago. 

You do have another option in addition to therapy: If you both have the relationship you’ve suggested, maybe you should find a way to feel him out about what his feelings are — sex, relationships, the whole picture — during one of your Xbox nights. It doesn’t strike me from what you shared that an admission about what happened would end a friendship that’s seemingly endured for almost 3 decades. 

Good luck mate.

[SamBedderz9031]

Something has happened with this whole situation for me in the last 24 hours and I’m struggling to process it all. I don’t know what to do. Some people have said I’ve shared too much as it is. 🤦🏻‍♂️🤯 Any guidance.