Navigating Self-Comparison in the LGBTQ+ Community: A Personal Journey

[Philip]

Mental well-being is crucial, particularly for gay men navigating this rather complex sea that we call "life." Today, I found myself wrestling with thoughts that I suspect many of us have faced at one point or another. I'm sharing this intimate narrative in the hope that it resonates with those of you on a similar emotional journey, as a reminder that you're not alone in this struggle.

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Something is weighing heavily on my mind tonight, so I decide to go for a walk to grab some fresh air, or at least breathe it in. It has been raining all day today, and the clouds still linger in the sky. I think it will rain later, but for now, I am safe.

I did the wrong thing by comparing myself to someone else today. His name is Edwin Hung. I saw a photo of him on Facebook a long time ago, but I forgot to note down his name; today, his photo appeared on my Facebook feed, and I took this opportunity to stalk his profile. He is probably in my top five for most handsome men of all time. He is an architect, part-time model, and lives in Singapore. He is turning 36 this November. He was born in Malaysia. As a side note, I am quite impressed with my researching skills, although I sometimes feel that I could put my research skills to better use besides stalking men on the internet.

And this is when the comparison began. I think about his life and how glamorous it looks on his Facebook and Instagram. He is traveling the world constantly, eating good food, and probably lives in a really nice house. The good life, as one might call it. His Facebook is filled with adventures with friends. And then I look at my life in comparison, and I’m working a job that pays below the average Australian. I don’t think I am as handsome as he is, as much as I like to be on a high horse, which in turn is standing on a pedestal. I don’t live in a fancy apartment in the heart of Singapore, and my meals consist of roast chicken and Up and Go to keep the cost down low. In short, my life pales in comparison to his, and it makes me feel a bit sad.

There aren’t too many cars on the road tonight, which isn’t surprising because it is getting late. I see a lightning strike somewhere in the distance and, sure enough, the sound of thunder rolling in, a harbinger for the heavy rains that are forecast tonight. I decide to make my way back home, the thought of this man still on my mind.

I know the life of an Instagrammer might not be as it appears. It is carefully curated to give people the impression that one is living a perfect life when, in fact, their life is anything but that. Edwin could be very stressed and work long hours at his architecture job, and having free time might be a luxury to him. His holidays, extravagant, probably, might come far in between, and although he shares many pictures with friends, he could be feeling very lonely inside. I don’t know what his relationship status is (well, it says single on his Facebook page, but who knows), but a loving partner is very hard to come by. I have dated for a quarter of my life so far, and I know that it is not easy in the gay world to find that perfect partner, someone who tries to understand your insanity and put up with your delinquency, which we all have to some degree, although we might not readily admit it.

I look back on my life, and I am happy. I am not an architect, and I don’t live in a busy and rich country like Singapore. I don’t have too many friends, and I don’t eat fancy food every day unless you consider dried dates among the list. I am not Edwin Hung. I am uniquely my own person with my own strengths and weaknesses, trying to live the good life no matter how different it may be from others.

I believe a large part of living the good life is the ability to touch other people’s lives through your existence, just being who you are. I hope that my existence has changed the lives of others, from being a significant part of their lives with my partner and friends, to people whom I will never meet through my stories that I share.

And you know, that’s enough for me.

[topblkmale]

Social media influencers are gonna influence...which is what this Edwin Hung did.

[hntnhole]

3 hours ago, Philip said:

I believe a large part of living the good life is the ability to touch other people’s lives through your existence, just being who you are. I hope that my existence has changed the lives of others, from being a significant part of their lives with my partner and friends, to people whom I will never meet through my stories that I share.

And you know, that’s enough for me

Hi, Philip

Introspection is always a good thing; it allows us to progress to another level of awareness.  I have no idea who that guy is, and I don't envy him his choices.  To me, the relationships one forms are the real deal, not some pie-in-the-sky contrivance that may be somewhat true, but who knows whether it's all even true?  More, who really cares? 

What's important are our own experiences, how we learn and grow from them, and thus enrich our own lives through our own beliefs and resulting actions.  If these folks who put their lives (real or not) online don't make much sense to me.  There's not enough value in it to grow and expand one's life.  

The important thing is, we do our best to be the best man we can possibly be, and you're a fine example of that journey.  

Thanks for the post.  

[BlindRawFucker1]

I’d always wondered how different things would have been for me if I would have had vision.

 

I’ve never really compared myself to anyone else—maybe wish I were a couple of inches taller.

 

I don’t subscribe to any of the anti-social media.  You only see the best of the best in people.  If, even the best is real.

 

Am I totally happy with my life?  No!  Of course not.  But a large part of that is of my own making.  Not wanting what others have, but “me” having regrets that “I” didn’t do things I wish now that I had done.

 

It would be nice if we could be happy with ourselves, as long as being ourselves doesn’t hurt others.