When an FB wants to get serious and you don’t

[KindaBasic]

Not long ago a longtime fuck buddy tell me that he wanted to “take our relationship farther”. My first thought was Relationship? What relationship? You text. I come over. You fuck me. I go home with your load inside me. 

Of course, I kept that thought to myself, but asked what he meant. He told me how much he liked me and wanted to take me out, see where we could take it. I told him I was flattered, but wanted ti keep it casual. He told me I should probably leave, so I did  

One friend I told about it said I was cold, but I told him that I’m just being honest. Unfortunately, have not heard from the guy, so disappointed that I may have lost a great lay. 

[topblkmale]

 

I'm not sure if it was Whitney Houston, Cher or Madonna who sang the line:

You can't turn a cum-dump into a housewife.

 

[KindaBasic]

4 minutes ago, topblkmale said:

 

I'm not sure if it was Whitney Houston, Cher or Madonna who sang the line:

You can't turn a cum-dump into a housewife.

 

But you can certainly buy me diamond and furs. May not want to date you, but open to a consider a possible sugar daddy arrangement. 😆

[JamesL100]

6 hours ago, KindaBasic said:

Unfortunately, have not heard from the guy, so disappointed that I may have lost a great lay. 

It's positive that he wanted more and had courage to tell you. You were honest in your reply. Nothing wrong in those things. But if he's looking for more then he's looking for meal, company, sleep together etc etc. Partners cum n go throughout our lives. More often external factors (family, work, moving around - both me or him) disrupt options.

[blackrobe]

7 hours ago, topblkmale said:

I'm not sure if it was Whitney Houston, Cher or Madonna who sang the line:

You can't turn a cum-dump into a housewife.

Unless they already are a housewife who is wired to service and satisfy breeders. 

[BootmanLA]

This is why I've always stressed the importance of open communication (and one reason I'm generally opposed to cheaters). There's nothing wrong with wanting a very casual FB arrangement with someone; there's nothing wrong with someone wanting more than that. It's when what two people want for themselves conflicts internally that there's any issue.

I think you're probably right, for what it's worth, that you've lost a "great lay". Which is regrettable, but there almost certainly would be drama coming down the road if you'd navigated a way to keep seeing him, knowing he wanted something more. Especially if there are other "great lays" that you're seeing. 

[viking8x6]

Does not sound to me like you were cold. Honest, yes. Perhaps slightly hasty, but if you had clear knowledge without mulling it over that you were unlikely to develop any feelings for him, then it was definitely good to say so.

Unfortunately, unrequited love and being fuck buddies really don't go together well, and yes, you probably did lose a good lay. That's nobody's fault ("not even the Romans"), and your ex-FB sounds like he is smart and honorable and handled it reasonably well under the circumstances.

[BootmanLA]

Viking's response prompts this addendum to my previous post:

"Cold" is often a synonym for "blunt" or "direct". I usually don't see much reason to beat around the bush when I'm trying to be clear, particularly when drawing a boundary; sometimes I'm told "that was cold", but sometimes that's unavoidable. See also "ripping the band-aid off" and other similar phrases.

I don't think there was any world in which this guy was going to be able to suppress his interest in "something more" to keep giving you the "something less" that you want. And I don't mean "more" or "less" in a values sense; there's nothing wrong with pure sport fucking, just as there's nothing wrong with something more involved. But "sex+socializing" IS more than "sex" alone. 

[KindaBasic]

1 hour ago, viking8x6 said:

Does not sound to me like you were cold. Honest, yes. Perhaps slightly hasty

 

 

We were both always upfront about it being nothing more, so was a bit of a surprise. Did what I could to be respectful.

[will_zeis23]

My ex has been on my back trying to reconnect or at least hookup since we started talking again. But I am always brushing him aside because I honestly have no interest in doing anything with him again. But I don't want to turn him down outright. 

[BootmanLA]

On 7/7/2024 at 6:45 PM, will_zeis23 said:

My ex has been on my back trying to reconnect or at least hookup since we started talking again. But I am always brushing him aside because I honestly have no interest in doing anything with him again. But I don't want to turn him down outright. 

Purely out of curiosity, why not turn him down outright? I don't mean in a mean or rude fashion, but if you can be clear, that might stop. Unless you're afraid he's going to go psycho on you, is there a reason not to be clear that you're not going to be interested ever again?

[cman102]

Not cold at all, part of doing business. Ive had to do the same a few times and on a certain case just end up ghosting/blocking because they got annoying real quick.

[NicNorth]

On 7/7/2024 at 5:14 AM, KindaBasic said:

Not long ago a longtime fuck buddy tell me that he wanted to “take our relationship farther”. My first thought was Relationship? What relationship? You text. I come over. You fuck me. I go home with your load inside me. 

Of course, I kept that thought to myself, but asked what he meant. He told me how much he liked me and wanted to take me out, see where we could take it. I told him I was flattered, but wanted ti keep it casual. He told me I should probably leave, so I did  

One friend I told about it said I was cold, but I told him that I’m just being honest. Unfortunately, have not heard from the guy, so disappointed that I may have lost a great lay. 

Not cold just honest - much better for both of you in the long term.  

[AlB]

On 7/7/2024 at 12:26 AM, topblkmale said:

 

I'm not sure if it was Whitney Houston, Cher or Madonna who sang the line:

You can't turn a cum-dump into a housewife.

 

Probably Whitney.  While Cher and Madonna have played the whore Whitney lived it!  🤣

[NordicBtm]

I’ve had the same thing happen several times. Sometimes it ended for good, other times the fuck buddy came around and was happy with a casual arrangement and a 3some here and there. I’ll indulge him with a glass of wine after he cums in my ass if the mood strikes. 😉