Urges

[Discreetotto]

I have been in relationship for over 2 years. However, being a person who was very sexually active before the relationship, I'm struggling with my bottom urges. I've tried to contain them with dildo but to no avail. It's just not the same as the feeling of a cock inside of me.

I would love to learn about other people who are going/went through similar situation and how they deal/dealt with it.

(Hopefully, this post would get a reply)

[Str8convert]

I'm currently in a three year relationship and it's getting to be a real struggle, I've tried to ignore my bttm urges with toys but the toys only get bigger and then the urges get stronger. 

Right now I'm just trying to deal with it by not dealing with it, so healthy I know haha.

But I believe I will have to break up with her unless we can have an open relationship.

[Discreetotto]

On 9/29/2024 at 12:22 AM, Str8convert said:

I'm currently in a three year relationship and it's getting to be a real struggle, I've tried to ignore my bttm urges with toys but the toys only get bigger and then the urges get stronger. 

Right now I'm just trying to deal with it by not dealing with it, so healthy I know haha.

But I believe I will have to break up with her unless we can have an open relationship.

It's so true what you wrote. "Deal with it by not dealing with it"

I'm going through the same. I was walking through Nollendorfplatz and saw some beautiful men, wishing that they were taking turns and breeding my ass.

But I can't!

[Baralvr26]

@Discreetotto @Str8convert I relate to both of your experiences. I used to go to adult video arcades and go on Grindr to hookup with men when I was 19 and 20. I’m about to be in my 3rd year of my relationship and miss rimming different guys and enjoying different cocks, also miss the bathhouse scene where it’s sexually freeing and liberating. 
 

I’ve recently been purchasing more toys, nipple pumps, estim, essentially anything to keep me entertained and distracted from wanting to go out and hookup. Even bought a new shower douche so that I can try going deeper when I play and xlube to try stretching my hole.

honestly going to have another serious discussion with my partner to tell him about how I feel, my needs, and whether he wants to stay with me or that we should end things. I really don’t want to end our relationship but I find it better to do that than to cause resentment on my end, distrust on his end, and all out terrible time.

[Discreetotto]

On 10/1/2024 at 2:07 AM, Baralvr26 said:

@Discreetotto @Str8convert I relate to both of your experiences. I used to go to adult video arcades and go on Grindr to hookup with men when I was 19 and 20. I’m about to be in my 3rd year of my relationship and miss rimming different guys and enjoying different cocks, also miss the bathhouse scene where it’s sexually freeing and liberating. 
 

I’ve recently been purchasing more toys, nipple pumps, estim, essentially anything to keep me entertained and distracted from wanting to go out and hookup. Even bought a new shower douche so that I can try going deeper when I play and xlube to try stretching my hole.

honestly going to have another serious discussion with my partner to tell him about how I feel, my needs, and whether he wants to stay with me or that we should end things. I really don’t want to end our relationship but I find it better to do that than to cause resentment on my end, distrust on his end, and all out terrible time.

I'm in the same boat as you. I don't want to cause any distrust and resentment. 

It's just sometimes my faggot brain takes hold of me and wants to go back to being a slut. I have bought different size dildos to contain the urge but it doesn't feel the same as being with a person.

Hopefully, with time and age, this would change.

[danolivaw]

My SO  and I don't have sex anymore. When I masturbate, it's almost always a fantasy of a guy fucking me. It's pretty clear what I am. I just need to find the right guy to hook up with. 

[DNG999]

I was in a 15 year relationship. My circumstances were different as I was a married man so everything was undercover. But I was bored. The sex we had was ‘his sex’. The urged to get out were strong so I just cut the relationship off dead. Really harsh but it was the obvious route for me

[11bi11guy]

I was married to a woman for 10 years, and the marriage ended partly because I needed to experience sex with another man. I didn’t know I was bi before we got together, and I told her shortly after I discovered/accepted that about myself. Told her that I wouldn’t need to act on it, but that changed. Didn’t know how much I would need it, just knew I was bi and I would need to satisfy that urge eventually.

Moving forward from my divorce, I put my cards on the table with all future potential partners. I told them that I’m bi within the first few dates. When it started to get more serious with one girl (my current girlfriend) I told her I wasn’t sure whether I would need to fuck guys again in the future. She accepted that.

A few strong bi-cycles later, I realized I would need to have sex with men at least occasionally moving forward. Took a lot of courage to bring it up—we were almost a year into our relationship and had fallen in love. But I knew I needed to tell her or I would eventually act on those urges again in the future and it would crash and burn like my marriage. Plus I’m tired of hiding and feeling guilty. I told her that I would need cock and cum occasionally in the future, and was pleasantly surprised that she agreed to a limited open relationship. Now I get a hall pass to fuck guys once every few months, and we’ve been together for almost 6 years.

[Str8convert]

On 12/27/2024 at 6:17 AM, 11bi11guy said:

I was married to a woman for 10 years, and the marriage ended partly because I needed to experience sex with another man. I didn’t know I was bi before we got together, and I told her shortly after I discovered/accepted that about myself. Told her that I wouldn’t need to act on it, but that changed. Didn’t know how much I would need it, just knew I was bi and I would need to satisfy that urge eventually.

A few strong bi-cycles later, I realized I would need to have sex with men at least occasionally moving forward. 

This is exactly how I'm feeling, Been with my gf for 3 years though. Tell myself and her I won't need to act on my bi urges, but every few months that urge returns and returns stronger and what I need to do and think to satisfy it gets kinkier. 

 

[hntnhole]

It appears there's a rather strong undercurrent running through this topic and the responses, which is the reticence to accept one's innate nature before entering into a committed relationship. 

It doesn't matter whether it's a same-sex or opposite-sex relationship, or a mix of both.  What matters is whether the individual that's "hearing the call" to something else had reached the ability to deal honestly with himself/herself first, and then with their partner.  

It's important to understand that there simply is no "fault" to be dished out.  We are who we are, we need what we need, despite the cultural pressures to deny ourselves what we come to realize is a real need.  That realization comes to some early, some later, and some never at all.  The important thing is, when we do come to realize what our needs are, we share that information - that realization, with our loved-one.  Some of the above guys are really suffering, and it's a terrible sorrow. 

We can't help how we're born, but we can learn to share that which can be shared with a loved one, and enjoy that shared part fully.  That kind of arrangement however, must be founded in honesty, and trying to keep something as crucial as our sexuality under wraps is destructive to all concerned.  So what to do?

Share these concerns with your loved one(s).  Allow them into your thoughts, your mind, as you sift through all the eventualities that may ensue.  By allowing a partner into the vortex, one therefore demonstrates how trustworthy they are to you, their importance in your life, and that openness almost always is returned exponentially.  

Some of the above seems to imply that a guy is trying to carry this burden all alone, and that's regrettable.  Some imply that they've had discussions with their partner, and that's a great credit to both the respondent and his partner.  It doesn't guarantee a positive result, but it does guarantee an honest one.

Thanks, you guys, for sharing your burdens with other guys that have gone through the same issues.  Some of us know what you're going through, some of us don't, but we're all pulling for your success.  

The only really tragic result would be trying to bottle up the truth, in favor of some measure of cultural acceptance.  No one deserves to live their lives like that.  

[PozBearWI]

The other strong undercurrent, one that we can celebrate is the trend towards honesty in our relationships.  It just ceases to be a relationship when we hide who we are to each other.  

A lot of the time it is our time IN the relationship that helps us understand ourselves.  Now if we make an active choice at the start that we're going to be evolving; the question really becomes whether or not we are curious enough to actually accept our mates evolution?  And will our mate choose to accept ours?  That resolved tells us whether it is a lifelong relationship or just a step along the way...