Hiding HIV diagnosis from wife/partner

[Bimarried001]

8 hours ago, Poz50something said:

 Not all relationships are as honest as I tried to be. I tested negative, and went ahead 3 weeks after to do my immigration health test for Canada. I was kinda obligated to anyway, but something like this, it’s important that your partner is aware. That’s why when 2 years later, I progressed to almost AIDS, Greg was aware and advised that I start triple therapy. 

I applaud you. Doing the right thing isn't always easy. I handled my situation how I handled it and not much more to explain.  

[BootmanLA]

19 hours ago, Bimarried001 said:

I applaud you. Doing the right thing isn't always easy. I handled my situation how I handled it and not much more to explain.  

To be clear: you don't owe me or anyone else an explanation. But when someone posts about an experience publicly, it's available for others to comment upon.

And no one else is obligated to react to something the same way I do, or the way anyone else does. Just because I find something sad doesn't mean it's categorically sad for everyone.

 

[Bimarried001]

5 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

To be clear: you don't owe me or anyone else an explanation. But when someone posts about an experience publicly, it's available for others to comment upon.

And no one else is obligated to react to something the same way I do, or the way anyone else does. Just because I find something sad doesn't mean it's categorically sad for everyone.

 

I’m not sure if you think that I was offended. If so, I was not. If I don’t want a response I don’t post. I’m good with everything I’ve done. 

[ScorpionFF]

When it comes to health issues infectious or otherwise, personally it is very important for a partner to know, after all one is sharing a life with a significant other. I couldn't and haven't hidden such an important part of my life. Nothing is any more personal than ones health. Your health is your wealth as it were. 

[Bwccummer]

As think about think be better some not have relationships with one that keep secret of health from partner. 

While different reasons to separate or divorce can see maybe work best for some to split from partner so can live life honestly. 

I think possibly giving partner something got to partner that would ruin relationship and may open to other consequences. Also not tell about so can protect themselves. I would see if one cheat to at the least get on prep or take meds to be undetectable. 

I guess some may hide in have meds with a buddy or in a secure place. However as read other posts can see take a toll trying to keep a secret.

[BlueSaphir]

Although I remain undetectable. I still have a hard time to reveal my truth to a guy I met. I want a relationship with him. But it hard to tell him upfront my truth. Some people view once you are positive-you are untouchable. 
 

I have reveal my status to certain negative guys. But a lot of them can’t comprehend U=U.  They turn me away like a freak. 

[wood]

U=U you wanna say some to them fine, if not fine, you’re not risking anything. 

if you’re not on meds and fucking your woman who can get pregnant and not saying anything, you’re a piece of shit. 
 

not cool to potentially bring a newborn into the world with HIV. 
 

I fully understand this is a fetish site, but bring anything kid related into it, is IMO vile. 
 

I know poz guys who have had kids because they treated. 
 

knowingly violating people who can have children is fully wrong. 
 

 

 

[transferal]

This one used to come up a lot at work.

If you're undetectable and an the up-and-up about your meds and your health, technically you can without any real risk to the other person.

The effort is usually bad for mental health. I haven't had a client do this where I was like, Oh yes, you seem to be doing the same or better than before. (Even one client who was a narcissist was getting anxious about his cover being blown, and he was by far the most confident and least giving a shit about anything having to do with anyone else.)

And about 95% of the time the relationship is over if the partner figures it out. Perhaps the wildest thing about sometimes counseling the partner separately is how many people say they would've come around if given enough time and no lying.

I always recommend to rip off this band aid early. It does not get easier for most folks as time goes on, with the one exception that some folks find it easier with new people to date and then wait to explain U=U and their status when they are getting more serious and starting to commit more.

Edited 1 hour ago by transferal