Making the Decision to Commit and Live Openly

[jonaspnw]

So I’m getting a late start on this. I’m in my early 40s and have struggled with issues of shame and inadequacy my whole life. I’ve thought a lot over the last year about what exactly I want in life and how I want to live and have made the decision that I’m a total bareback bottom and I’m ready to commit and live as one. I threw away all condoms I had last month and am on prep now. This may be a somewhat strange question but one of the fears I still have is living openly and proudly. In particular, updating my profiles on hookup or dating apps to reflect my true identity since I know my gay friends will see it and say something. Has anyone else dealt with this, and how did you get past the fear of showing your face on those sites and openly embracing being a bareback bottom?  Did you have any tough conversations with gay friends because of it?  Sorry for the long post. I would love some advice especially if someone was willing to just text or call to discuss if you dealt with something similar. Thanks!

[norefusal]

i tend to keep my profiles purposefully vague and love hooking up w guys who give little to no info up front. 

if a guy asks a lot of questions, requests a lot of pics etc it's a huge turn off 

i guess the day i accidentally fuck a cousin or something will be a chance to reevaluate my stance but after several years, the closest i've come is the time i accidentally hooked up w a regular FB 

we had met on a dif app and after a while exchanged phone #s and periodically hooked up for over a year. we did get to know each other a bit but thruthfully, we mostly followed a routine. he'd randomly hit me up, i'd come right over undress quickly and bend over the edge of the bed. he'd fuck me sometimes for almost an hr before breeding and then i'd dress and go. 

he moved house and i don't know if that even matters but around this time he seemed to go off me. 

i hooked up w a guy on another app (neither of us share much info in our profiles) and agreed to host, door open, ass up blindfolded. it wasn't until mid fuck that i recognized it was him. lol not if he recognized me or when but we never spoke of it. when he was done he left wout a word and i never saw him again. 

tbh i was ok w this because mid fuck the dime actually dropped and i started to put 2+2. the almost endless fucking, the profuse sweating dripping off him onto my back, the initial 3am "sup" dm followed by all night fucking,.the secretive lifestyle.  i was regularly gettin plowed by a meth head and didn't even realize it lol 

long story short, i love being a pig and the ones who need to know it are like minded pigs who are dtf 😜

[hntnhole]

4 hours ago, jonaspnw said:

In particular, updating my profiles on hookup or dating apps to reflect my true identity since I know my gay friends will see it and say something

The way I read this is, you're either somewhat concerned (or maybe more than 'somewhat') about what your "gay friends... will say ...".  

I don't blame you one bit for having that eventuality in mind; anyone would.  The question is, how much weight are you going to allow that concern?  Clearly, you've spent no small amount of time on considering where on the "out" spectrum you need to be, and arrived at a conclusion that most would think of as healthy, self-affirming, confident and something to take pride in.  

No one wants to jeopardize long-standing friendships for nothing, but that wouldn't be the situation in your case.  Valuing your honesty, both with others, and more importantly with yourself, is a very substantial accomplishment, and congrats for investing the time and effort in discovering the answer that's right for you.  There may be a good chance that these friends that concern you will actually follow your lead, and begin a deeper assessment of their own.  Every guy "gets there" when the time is right for him, and sadly, some simply never do.

Kudos, jonaspnw, for "getting there" 😉

 

Edited December 12 by hntnhole
phrasing

[PozBearWI]

My online profiles are all up to date.  And indeed since testing poz a hell of a lot has changed.  Regular play buds have evaporated.  No regrets though.  If they run at reading I doubt a face to face conversation will help.  

[jonaspnw]

On 12/12/2024 at 11:46 AM, hntnhole said:

The way I read this is, you're either somewhat concerned (or maybe more than 'somewhat') about what your "gay friends... will say ...".  

I don't blame you one bit for having that eventuality in mind; anyone would.  The question is, how much weight are you going to allow that concern?  Clearly, you've spent no small amount of time on considering where on the "out" spectrum you need to be, and arrived at a conclusion that most would think of as healthy, self-affirming, confident and something to take pride in.  

No one wants to jeopardize long-standing friendships for nothing, but that wouldn't be the situation in your case.  Valuing your honesty, both with others, and more importantly with yourself, is a very substantial accomplishment, and congrats for investing the time and effort in discovering the answer that's right for you.  There may be a good chance that these friends that concern you will actually follow your lead, and begin a deeper assessment of their own.  Every guy "gets there" when the time is right for him, and sadly, some simply never do.

Kudos, jonaspnw, for "getting there" 😉

 

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. It was nice to see I’m not alone on this path of self-acceptance. 

[1988BBcumdump]

I have separate profiles, on more public apps like grinder / scruff I have a face pic in my profile and keep it vague on the condom preference. Open to dating and such.  On my anon profiles, I'm open as a bb submissive bottom but don't have my face up front. Eventually you find friends who love and also take it raw, or the safer friends you do have might secretly be cumdumps, you never know. 

[RawSlutAms]

I'm fully open about being a bareback slut on all the apps and include my facepic. 

My friends all know that I am a cumdump. 

[wallacemartini]

if you're concerned about your friends reactions, maybe consider if they are your friends. 

[Olderkinkybiguy]

I’m a believer that you have to follow your heart and desires. If being a raw bottom is who. You are, than that’s who you are. The fact you are on PrEP indicates you are making an effort to avoid catching HIV, so your friends should give you some credit for that. From your post, it sounds like you have made the effort to live the life of a raw bottom. If your friends have any issues, it’s really on them and not you. This whole lifestyle operates outside the realm of social expectations anyway. The fact that you have obviously thought this through, are taking precautions (PrEP) to minimize exposure, and it’s what you feel will bring you the most joy. So live your life as you want and deal with any of your friends if it becomes an issue. 

[PozBearWI]

Simply, just be who we actually are....  

[Born2Bottom]

On 12/12/2024 at 12:13 PM, norefusal said:

i tend to keep my profiles purposefully vague and love hooking up w guys who give little to no info up front. 

if a guy asks a lot of questions, requests a lot of pics etc it's a huge turn off 

i guess the day i accidentally fuck a cousin or something will be a chance to reevaluate my stance but after several years, the closest i've come is the time i accidentally hooked up w a regular FB 

we had met on a dif app and after a while exchanged phone #s and periodically hooked up for over a year. we did get to know each other a bit but thruthfully, we mostly followed a routine. he'd randomly hit me up, i'd come right over undress quickly and bend over the edge of the bed. he'd fuck me sometimes for almost an hr before breeding and then i'd dress and go. 

he moved house and i don't know if that even matters but around this time he seemed to go off me. 

i hooked up w a guy on another app (neither of us share much info in our profiles) and agreed to host, door open, ass up blindfolded. it wasn't until mid fuck that i recognized it was him. lol not if he recognized me or when but we never spoke of it. when he was done he left wout a word and i never saw him again. 

tbh i was ok w this because mid fuck the dime actually dropped and i started to put 2+2. the almost endless fucking, the profuse sweating dripping off him onto my back, the initial 3am "sup" dm followed by all night fucking,.the secretive lifestyle.  i was regularly gettin plowed by a meth head and didn't even realize it lol 

long story short, i love being a pig and the ones who need to know it are like minded pigs who are dtf 😜

I'm the same way about the vague/no pics profiles. Especially when there's so many guys saying NPNC now (no pic no chat), I choose to be ready to take care of those guys instead. "No pic still fuck" lmao I truly don't care what the guy looks like. I enjoy the surprise of them walking in my room, and seeing whoever they are and how they look and thinking "I'm about to have unprotected gay sex w this random dude " and knowing no matter what I think on his appearance, it's too late to back down now. I LOVE THIS. Honestly the more sketchy creepy or unappealing they are the more I want to be a slut for their pleasuren

[Born2Bottom]

I have a tattoo on my ass , up towards where it joins with my hip...it says "SLUT" in bold blocky letters and has a pink heart behind the letters. 

I did it to make it much harder to get cold feet or deny my Slut identity. I may add another gay sex related tattoo somewhere else. 

I LIVE for random anonymous gay sex. It's my hobby and passion and what I do in my free time. And since accepting and embracing my true self as The F*g*ot Slut I've felt so much more content and happy.

 

In 2025 I may keep tally of how many cocks use me for the year. 

[hntnhole]

4 minutes ago, Born2Bottom said:

In 2025 I may keep tally of how many cocks use me for the year

I've seen a small "counter" doo-dad in the hardware store I go to.  It's about the size of an old-fashioned pocket watch, with a little button that adds one numeral per click.  I'll buy one and send it to you.  Merry Christmas, and a verrrrrry happy New Year to you !!! 🐷