Ageism in sex clubs / saunas

[pignpig]

I’m 38 years old, and many times I feel rejected in sex clubs and saunas in Europe or America... But what makes me even sadder is seeing men over 60 constantly being rejected. I hate the way young gay men treat older guys.

I have a 61-year-old boyfriend, and when he goes to these clubs, he is completely invisible to the people there. The sad reality is that it seems like the older we get, the harder it becomes to find sex.

How do you deal with this?

I love going to those clubs and the future really worries me.

[AirmaxUK]

Early 50's here. It's hard: you have to keep your confidence up - confidence *is* attractive - keep at it and don't let knock backs beat you down.  Keep engaging, but equally be aware of "no means no" and don't keep persisting - if rebuffed, quickly move on and try something or someone else.  

That advice I'd apply online and in-person at clubs/events. 

[NWUSHorny]

I'm 55, and don't think it is quite as bad as you fear it will be, at least in North America. If guys are having sex I can usually find someone willing to do it with an older guy. The bigger problem I see is that there are some cities where almost no one is having sex in the sex clubs, and it seems to be spreading to more cities. While it is extremely difficult to get anything to happen in those cities, it seems like I'm more likely to hookup with the stereotypical hot young gay in those cities than the cities that have more sex happening. Everyone is frustrated in those cities, but very few will even try to do anything about it.

[gingerdaddyG]

Sometimes it’s not just the young men that reject us “oldies” (at 53 I’m considered old) - the last time I was at a sauna I was told by told by someone probably in their 60’s that I was “quite sexy for an old ginger”, but clearly not sexy enough for him to have sex with me as he buggered off after that!  I’ve suffered from “gingerism” all my life, but to add ageism to that really dented my confidence! 

[jd13]

Early 40s here. I agree that confidence helps things along. Me I tend these days to lock my towel away in my locker and cruise the place naked. In a place where everyone is nearly naked, being the most naked guy is a lot of fun, and being playful about it gets attention. Ever since I was young I have always tried to give my ass away in saunas to whoever wants it. The joy of sex is just too fantastic tonot be shared with everyone. 

But yeah, I get the ageism thing and it is bullshit. These days, at my age, I tend to focus on the guys who actually want to fuck me, regardless of age, rather than the guys who I'd really love to fuck me. The number of twinks in saunas and batrhhouses who just seem to want to parade and be picky. And be rude to us oldies. Well, honey, you'll be us one day.

Karma's a bitch. I've always thought: be sharing, be generous with your body - and now I am in my 40s, it's givedn me a very carefree attitude about the ageist young ones. They bore me. Older guys often fuck better anyway. All that experience pointed straight into my ass. Fuck yes 😉

(Sorry if this is just random bits. The ADHD is particularly strong with me today!)

[AirmaxUK]

12 minutes ago, jd13 said:

These days, at my age, I tend to focus on the guys who actually want to fuck me, regardless of age, rather than the guys who I'd really love to fuck me.

Totally agree. Great advice. 

13 minutes ago, jd13 said:

The number of twinks in saunas and batrhhouses who just seem to want to parade and be picky. And be rude to us oldies. Well, honey, you'll be us one day.

There was a big thing about consent in kink on Instagram a while ago.  Lots of younger guys pointing the finger at older guys for their behaviour in darkrooms.  Thing is that older guys were brought up in a world where the cruising protocol was different to how it is now. Both sides need to understand that... and there's no excuse for being rude or disrespectful as a result. That includes being a persistent pest who won't take no as an answer as well as being overtly rude to a genuine show of interest.     

[VersGuyAnon]

I haven't been to a sex club in a long time, but I do go quite often to the main local sauna. Most of the sex I have is in the darkroom or via glory holes, where guys wouldn't really be able to tell my age (although the darkroom isn't that dark, once your eyes adjust). I've been surprised in the past where much younger guys have seen me in the light, realising I'm much older and not fit, but have still wanted to do stuff. I just accept a lot of guys (unless older) won't want to do anything, but some will. Darkroom & glory hole stuff is of course different to having meaningful encounters, but I'd say they can still happen. 

[jd13]

4 minutes ago, AirmaxUK said:

That includes being a persistent pest who won't take no as an answer as well as being overtly rude to a genuine show of interest.     

Yeah, both of these are problems in saunas/bathhouses. I've seen some genuinely bad behaviour re: not taking no for an answer or blatant rudeness.

One of the most striking ones was only about 6 months ago. Twinky guy, late 20s, very hot. I approached him but he obviously wasn't interested, but then he seemed affronted that I walked away. He tried to draw me in, so I tried it on again, thinking he was interested and I'd misread (again - ADHD, I often misread!) but again got rebuffed. So it goes I thought. Won't approach him again.

No more than 30mins later, he was loudly complaining to his friend in a braying voice that "that naked guy with the tattoos (namely, me) won't even look at me, what a prick!"

....and I'm like: mate, you rejected me twice. I'm fine with that but don't now fucking moan that I don't go near you again. He obviously just wanted the attention. I don't think he went into a cubicle with anyone that day, just stood there parading. Me, I was bouncing from cock to cock because of my welcoming attitude 😄 

And I just think: when he's my age, he's going to be so bitter....

[AirmaxUK]

2 minutes ago, jd13 said:

Me, I was bouncing from cock to cock because of my welcoming attitude 😄 

Oh he was probably jealous 

[jd13]

2 minutes ago, AirmaxUK said:

Oh he was probably jealous 

Ha ha, he didn't know what he was missing 😄

[SpectreAgent]

8 minutes ago, jd13 said:

Ha ha, he didn't know what he was missing 😄

I think we can see he was missing a very fit guy…

[jd13]

7 minutes ago, SpectreAgent said:

I think we can see he was missing a very fit guy…

Ha ha ha thanks. I guess I aim to please 🤣🤣🤣

[Bimarried001]

I am over 60 and yes, I do not get the same action as when I was younger. I started cruising sex theaters and glory holes when I was 15. The action I got was non stop.  The older I got the less action I got. That’s kinda part of life. All these you guys will see the pendulum swing against them in due time. It’s the cycle of life. 

[SFCumdog]

I'm of two minds on this one. At 60 I now get more looks and more attention than I EVER got by guys my own age when I was young. It could just be that I carry myself differently today because I own who I am.

On the other side of the coin, when I was 21 I was very experienced sexually, but not all that great socially. And in those days it was like the old men could smell your unease and would lecherously pounce on you uninvited and unwanted. They brought a lot of that ageism on themselves. But that was just my experience.

 

[Read1]

Is the whole idea behind saunas/sexclubs/bathhouse to have fun. If you click with another guy, sex will happen. You don't have to be disrespectful. Just move on.