The psychology of erections

[tallslenderguy]

i've always identified as a "total bottom" when it comes to sex with guys.  i was married to a woman for much of my life and had to play the top role in that relationship, and that pretty much solidified my bottom identity for me. 

The last 5 years i've had a FB who started out Total Top, but is turning out to be more versatile this last year or so. Started with him sucking me, then morphed to me eating his ass, and more and more recently, him wanting to get fucked by me. He's a young Latino muscle guy, say's He's been lifting since He was 12, and it shows. He identifies as Bi, but i don't think he has had a girlfriend for quite some time now, maybe 2 years? He breeds me 3-4 times a week, and i'm pretty sure i'm the only guy He has sex with. Which surprises me. He's only 27 and i'd think He'd want to explore more? I've even encouraged him to do so when he started wanting me to fuck him. But he just sort of glazes over when i say those things, even though he has bragged in the past about the women he fucks, for some reason, he's not that way with guys? 

So, i like this guy, even love him in a sense.  We have little in common except our mutual sexual desire for each other, which has never wavered for either of us... another surprise. i've kind of broken a code i have by fucking him, but since it's just FB relationship, somehow it's 'okay' with me to do something i'm not particularly interested in simply because it brings him pleasure.  Relationally, i don't think that is sustainable, but somehow it works so far. I should add, i just fuck him, i don't come in him, and our sex always ends with Him breeding me, i probably have 1000 of His orgasm's in me. 

Here's the thing though, getting it up for him.  my equipment works fine. i get hard as a rock when a Top shows desire to penetrate and breed me. Show interest in my penis? Nada. Totally flaccid. But His pleasure turns me  on, so when i'm giving Him oral and He is so expressive, i get hard. The few times i have penetrated and fucked him, i managed to psych myself into it enough to penetrate and fuck a bit, but my erection didn't last. 

Several years back, i bought some azithromycin from India and they sent me a free sample of sildenafil (Viagra) along with it. i've had it for probable 8 years and never did anything with it, but popped a half pill (50mg) prior to Him coming over and got the magical erection that sustained. 

i'm curious what other guys experience is like? Not sure if i'm just getting a placebo effect since my psychology hasn't really changed.  It seems the only way i can give him what he wants though, and i've done it 4 times now, and can go as long as He wants (usually about 20-30 minutes).  It feels sort of mechanical to me, but the sounds and comments he makes... well, it sort of appeals to the sub side of my personality to give him pleasure. 

[RobertBottomSlut]

I struggled for years with a wife not getting hard and trying to create a fantasy of men fucking me while I tried. But the minute I even pass by a bathhouse I would be busting out of my zipper. 
Even viagra doesn’t do the trick if I’m with a woman, because I’m just not turned on (unless watching some other guy fuck her). 

[NWUSHorny]

Psychology has long seemed to have an effect on my ability to get an erection. It became very noticable to me when I moved to Portland in my late 30's, prior to that I pretty much had a continuous erection if I was at any kind of gay hookup spot if other guys were present, knowing I was going to get sex and watching the other guys have sex, but the much slower and less intense hookup culture quickly became a complete boner killer for me. I still get it up if sex starts happening but it needs to be sustained for more than a few seconds, but didn't have the continuous erection from the time I got there like I did in other cities. The ED drugs don't seem to change that for me, I don't have a problem getting hard enough to fuck once or twice a day, but could no longer go 5 to 7 times a night several days in row like I could until I reached my middle 40's, so I decided to try a prescription of Cialis before I took my 4th of July sexcation last summer. The Cialis worked  great for me in Palm Springs and was able to fuck all week like I did in my prime, but doesn't really do a damned thing for me here in Portland. The last 2 weekends provide a good illustration. Last week I was extremely horny and totally focused on getting laid over the weekend and remembered to take a Cialis on Wednesday and Thursday (I find they are most effective 2 to 3 days after taking one) went to the baths and found a complete blue ball fest and couldn't get hard enough to fuck even when the one bottom actively offering his ass finally showed up at Steam on Saturday. This week I had a really difficult week of work and totally forgot about taking a Cialis mid week, but went to Steam on Saturday night and found a just little bit of action going on(as good as it ever gets here) and I was able to fuck 5 guys and breed 2 of them without the aid of Cialis.

[GuelphGuy72]

2 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

i've always identified as a "total bottom" when it comes to sex with guys.  i was married to a woman for much of my life and had to play the top role in that relationship, and that pretty much solidified my bottom identity for me. 

Similar experience for me.  Not that I didn’t enjoy having sex with a woman.  I just always found it to be a lot of work having to always take the lead.  What I enjoyed most was when I could get her to do cowgirl.  I always felt I was in the wrong roll.  I would have loved if my ex-wife would have been more dominant but she was a sub like me.  Until she tried hotwifing she didn’t truly realize how much of a sub she was and how unable I was to be a Dom.  She is now in a monogamous D/s relationship with her boyfriend soon to be fiancee.

Going all the way back to my early teens I would fantasize about taking cock in my ass.  And through my adult life and two marriages it was the elephant in the room.

Becoming impotent due to nerve damage to my pelvic floor from a tumour, finally led to me exploring this.  I can get erections still but I have no feeling or sensation so I do not orgasm from penile stimulation.  I can only orgasm from prostate massage.  My ex-wife was too much of a sub to be willing to peg me.  She also got frustrated with just using toys and oral on her and wanted a real cock again.  I got frustrated from servicing her but getting nothing out of it for me.  I know that sounds selfish but I still had needs.  We started hotwifing in 2021 and moved on to an open marriage where she had her fwbs and I was able to explore sex with men.

As this progressed we had less and less sexual interactions.  I eventually stopped getting erections when I would play with her and she started to notice this.  I have no problem getting erections when I am having sex with men either giving oral or being fucked.  I usually wear a jock since I do not want any attention on my cock, so if it is on right it limits how erect I get.  Even just thinking about sex with men makes me hard.  I can look at naked pictures of women or watch straight porn and get no reaction now.