"Side" Status on Profiles

[TownTravellerMan]

So I recently found out what this means. Or at least I think I did. I haven't been on apps for a number of years. I don't really ever remember this being a term or a thing several years ago. When someone messaged me asking about getting together and they mentioned they are side position. I asked what they meant by that. They said for them it meant they do everything but penetration. They said they sometimes do anal but not much. I got messaged by someone else to and their profile mentioned side and they said they don't do anal at all. I'm kinda curious when this started becoming a thing. I do know some websites/apps just let you not list anal or put that you aren't into that for a preference. 

Also kinda curious how people here feel about profiles that say side for position if they come across it. Even if the guy is cute or you like them would you still want to get together with them or hook up with them. Or is it more of an automatic pass. I think I'll still potentially get with someone who wanted to get together at a later date just to see how the chemistry goes. It's just weird seeing this now when I never saw it several years ago.

[NWUSHorny]

It is a relatively new term, for an old problem. What it means to the sides themselves seems to vary as well, some guys using the label claim they do everything but anal, others interpret it as no anal or oral penetration. Where I live it seems to be mostly guys that do neither oral or anal that have adopted the term, guys that do oral get offended if someone calls them a side, and guys that call themselves sides get offended by the idea that being a side includes doing oral. Guys that don't do penetration of any kind have been in the majority on the apps, in the bathhouses, at the ABS and anywhere men go to look for a hookup, as long as I've lived here so it is just a new term for an old problem. I guess it is a bit nicer than calling them "functionally lesbian" which is what I called them for years before they invented the side label.

Personally I avoid anyone who self identifies as a side, even if their definition includes doing oral, we simply are not going to be sexually compatible if they don't fuck or get fucked which is extremely frustrating for me. 

[jeff238]

Sounds like another useless social construct to me. Much like a person in a religion showing how noble they are by denying themselves, and others who they have control over, physical pleasure, or other needs. The irony being, that they put themselves in situations where people are looking for the exact thing they aren't willing to participate in. Why would you go to a car lot, specifically to NOT buy a car. It's insane. Whatever excuse they use to not participate is just a lie, and probably has ties to autism. Im not saying they should be shamed, but they should get psychiatric help, not to force them to participate, but to focus on more positive endeavors.

Send me all the hate you want, on this opinion. It doesn't change the fact that it isn't healthy behaviour.

I wouldn't engage with it in the apps, or in person either.

[BarebackedBear]

33 minutes ago, jeff238 said:

Sounds like another useless social construct to me. Much like a person in a religion showing how noble they are by denying themselves, and others who they have control over, physical pleasure, or other needs. The irony being, that they put themselves in situations where people are looking for the exact thing they aren't willing to participate in. Why would you go to a car lot, specifically to NOT buy a car. It's insane. Whatever excuse they use to not participate is just a lie, and probably has ties to autism. Im not saying they should be shamed, but they should get psychiatric help, not to force them to participate, but to focus on more positive endeavors.

Send me all the hate you want, on this opinion. It doesn't change the fact that it isn't healthy behaviour.

I wouldn't engage with it in the apps, or in person either.

Hi, I'm here to send you some hate 🤗

Really, though ... we're going to say people who don't like butt stuff have the 'tism and need a psych intervention? That's where we're going with this? People can like or not like whatever they want in the bedroom. I don't personally see a difference between being "side" and being "oral only" which is a term I've seen on the hookup apps for ages, other than maybe it implies "oral / genital only, I don't rim." Every guy I've seen who's "side" is no penetration.

If this is a way for people to say they're not into butt stuff I say good for them. I can still have a lot of fun with a guy in bed without one or both of us getting a pecker, tongue, or toy up our backsides. But maybe I'm just not as hung up and fixated on one single, solitary act being the entirety of the definition of sex.

Speaking of behaviors that imply having a touch of the 'tism 😉

[blackrobe]

Recycling some bits below:

Originally coined by Dr Joe Kort, as discussed in this post, "side" was intended as a name for those that do everything but anal sex.

The term "side" has been shifted from its pure and intended meaning as discussed here. 

It's perfectly valid for men to decide they don't do anal, just as it's perfectly valid for those for whom anal is the main event to avoid guys who identify as "sides". Fucking and getting bred is my main thing, so hooking up with side guys just doesn't get me what I need.

That said, blaming, shaming, or pathologizing people who aren't into what you want to do isn't cool. It can be frustrating that guys aren't available to fuck, I know, but it's their right to decide what they do and don't do. Just as it's everyone else's right to not engage with them.

[Iker80]

4 hours ago, jeff238 said:

Sounds like another useless social construct to me. Much like a person in a religion showing how noble they are by denying themselves, and others who they have control over, physical pleasure, or other needs. The irony being, that they put themselves in situations where people are looking for the exact thing they aren't willing to participate in. Why would you go to a car lot, specifically to NOT buy a car. It's insane. Whatever excuse they use to not participate is just a lie, and probably has ties to autism. Im not saying they should be shamed, but they should get psychiatric help, not to force them to participate, but to focus on more positive endeavors.

Send me all the hate you want, on this opinion. It doesn't change the fact that it isn't healthy behaviour.

I wouldn't engage with it in the apps, or in person either.

As much as I love a good fucking, it's totally fair for a gay/bi guy to not enjoy it, and a word to say not wanting it is useful. I find a range of guys online, from just wanting to wank together to porn - so no touching at all, to guys in the middle who want to kiss and wank each other, to guys who want to fist, spit in each others mouths and get cum in them. We're all somewhere on the scale, and it's nothing wrong with anyone. Just be upfront what you want I think and find your match.

But I have to admit I so far pass by side guys. For me the stuff they want to do is the start, not the whole thing. I'd like to get more open minded to this, perhaps it can be a whole thing with the right guy. But yeah, there's no substitute for getting your prostate worked over or fucking a guy, no plans to quit that ever!