"Side" Status on Profiles

[TownTravellerMan]

So I recently found out what this means. Or at least I think I did. I haven't been on apps for a number of years. I don't really ever remember this being a term or a thing several years ago. When someone messaged me asking about getting together and they mentioned they are side position. I asked what they meant by that. They said for them it meant they do everything but penetration. They said they sometimes do anal but not much. I got messaged by someone else to and their profile mentioned side and they said they don't do anal at all. I'm kinda curious when this started becoming a thing. I do know some websites/apps just let you not list anal or put that you aren't into that for a preference. 

Also kinda curious how people here feel about profiles that say side for position if they come across it. Even if the guy is cute or you like them would you still want to get together with them or hook up with them. Or is it more of an automatic pass. I think I'll still potentially get with someone who wanted to get together at a later date just to see how the chemistry goes. It's just weird seeing this now when I never saw it several years ago.

[NWUSHorny]

It is a relatively new term, for an old problem. What it means to the sides themselves seems to vary as well, some guys using the label claim they do everything but anal, others interpret it as no anal or oral penetration. Where I live it seems to be mostly guys that do neither oral or anal that have adopted the term, guys that do oral get offended if someone calls them a side, and guys that call themselves sides get offended by the idea that being a side includes doing oral. Guys that don't do penetration of any kind have been in the majority on the apps, in the bathhouses, at the ABS and anywhere men go to look for a hookup, as long as I've lived here so it is just a new term for an old problem. I guess it is a bit nicer than calling them "functionally lesbian" which is what I called them for years before they invented the side label.

Personally I avoid anyone who self identifies as a side, even if their definition includes doing oral, we simply are not going to be sexually compatible if they don't fuck or get fucked which is extremely frustrating for me. 

[jeff238]

Sounds like another useless social construct to me. Much like a person in a religion showing how noble they are by denying themselves, and others who they have control over, physical pleasure, or other needs. The irony being, that they put themselves in situations where people are looking for the exact thing they aren't willing to participate in. Why would you go to a car lot, specifically to NOT buy a car. It's insane. Whatever excuse they use to not participate is just a lie, and probably has ties to autism. Im not saying they should be shamed, but they should get psychiatric help, not to force them to participate, but to focus on more positive endeavors.

Send me all the hate you want, on this opinion. It doesn't change the fact that it isn't healthy behaviour.

I wouldn't engage with it in the apps, or in person either.

[BarebackedBear]

33 minutes ago, jeff238 said:

Sounds like another useless social construct to me. Much like a person in a religion showing how noble they are by denying themselves, and others who they have control over, physical pleasure, or other needs. The irony being, that they put themselves in situations where people are looking for the exact thing they aren't willing to participate in. Why would you go to a car lot, specifically to NOT buy a car. It's insane. Whatever excuse they use to not participate is just a lie, and probably has ties to autism. Im not saying they should be shamed, but they should get psychiatric help, not to force them to participate, but to focus on more positive endeavors.

Send me all the hate you want, on this opinion. It doesn't change the fact that it isn't healthy behaviour.

I wouldn't engage with it in the apps, or in person either.

Hi, I'm here to send you some hate 🤗

Really, though ... we're going to say people who don't like butt stuff have the 'tism and need a psych intervention? That's where we're going with this? People can like or not like whatever they want in the bedroom. I don't personally see a difference between being "side" and being "oral only" which is a term I've seen on the hookup apps for ages, other than maybe it implies "oral / genital only, I don't rim." Every guy I've seen who's "side" is no penetration.

If this is a way for people to say they're not into butt stuff I say good for them. I can still have a lot of fun with a guy in bed without one or both of us getting a pecker, tongue, or toy up our backsides. But maybe I'm just not as hung up and fixated on one single, solitary act being the entirety of the definition of sex.

Speaking of behaviors that imply having a touch of the 'tism 😉

[blackrobe]

Recycling some bits below:

Originally coined by Dr Joe Kort, as discussed in this post, "side" was intended as a name for those that do everything but anal sex.

The term "side" has been shifted from its pure and intended meaning as discussed here. 

It's perfectly valid for men to decide they don't do anal, just as it's perfectly valid for those for whom anal is the main event to avoid guys who identify as "sides". Fucking and getting bred is my main thing, so hooking up with side guys just doesn't get me what I need.

That said, blaming, shaming, or pathologizing people who aren't into what you want to do isn't cool. It can be frustrating that guys aren't available to fuck, I know, but it's their right to decide what they do and don't do. Just as it's everyone else's right to not engage with them.

[Iker80]

4 hours ago, jeff238 said:

Sounds like another useless social construct to me. Much like a person in a religion showing how noble they are by denying themselves, and others who they have control over, physical pleasure, or other needs. The irony being, that they put themselves in situations where people are looking for the exact thing they aren't willing to participate in. Why would you go to a car lot, specifically to NOT buy a car. It's insane. Whatever excuse they use to not participate is just a lie, and probably has ties to autism. Im not saying they should be shamed, but they should get psychiatric help, not to force them to participate, but to focus on more positive endeavors.

Send me all the hate you want, on this opinion. It doesn't change the fact that it isn't healthy behaviour.

I wouldn't engage with it in the apps, or in person either.

As much as I love a good fucking, it's totally fair for a gay/bi guy to not enjoy it, and a word to say not wanting it is useful. I find a range of guys online, from just wanting to wank together to porn - so no touching at all, to guys in the middle who want to kiss and wank each other, to guys who want to fist, spit in each others mouths and get cum in them. We're all somewhere on the scale, and it's nothing wrong with anyone. Just be upfront what you want I think and find your match.

But I have to admit I so far pass by side guys. For me the stuff they want to do is the start, not the whole thing. I'd like to get more open minded to this, perhaps it can be a whole thing with the right guy. But yeah, there's no substitute for getting your prostate worked over or fucking a guy, no plans to quit that ever!

[NWUSHorny]

I think you guys are being too hard on @jeff238 if he is trying to hookup in the PNW, either on the apps or in person he is used to dealing with sides that won't take no for an answer and especially in person, waste your time and cock block you by trying to convince you they know ways to have the greatest sex of your life if you promise not to touch their icky dick or ask them to touch yours. I choose to stay away from jack off groups, suck groups, cuddle parties, massage parties and any other fetish group or event even when they are held at bathhouses. Is it too much to ask that sides do the same for CumUnion Parties and other groups and orgies that are billed as events for fucking? They don't usually stay away, and when they attend in significant numbers manage to keep those of us who do enjoy fucking from getting what we are looking for. I travel a lot and mostly have to get what I enjoy when I'm not in WA, OR or BC.

[TownTravellerMan]

17 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

It is a relatively new term, for an old problem. What it means to the sides themselves seems to vary as well, some guys using the label claim they do everything but anal, others interpret it as no anal or oral penetration. Where I live it seems to be mostly guys that do neither oral or anal that have adopted the term, guys that do oral get offended if someone calls them a side, and guys that call themselves sides get offended by the idea that being a side includes doing oral. Guys that don't do penetration of any kind have been in the majority on the apps, in the bathhouses, at the ABS and anywhere men go to look for a hookup, as long as I've lived here so it is just a new term for an old problem. I guess it is a bit nicer than calling them "functionally lesbian" which is what I called them for years before they invented the side label.

Personally I avoid anyone who self identifies as a side, even if their definition includes doing oral, we simply are not going to be sexually compatible if they don't fuck or get fucked which is extremely frustrating for me. 

I honestly had no idea that it was such a new term. I didn't know that there was uncertainty about the actual term and the meaning itself as well. Pretty some sites like BBRT let you just select anal=no and oral=no if you don't like either of them. Functionally lesbian is kinda insane. 

 

9 hours ago, blackrobe said:

Recycling some bits below:

Originally coined by Dr Joe Kort, as discussed in this post, "side" was intended as a name for those that do everything but anal sex.

The term "side" has been shifted from its pure and intended meaning as discussed here. 

It's perfectly valid for men to decide they don't do anal, just as it's perfectly valid for those for whom anal is the main event to avoid guys who identify as "sides". Fucking and getting bred is my main thing, so hooking up with side guys just doesn't get me what I need.

That said, blaming, shaming, or pathologizing people who aren't into what you want to do isn't cool. It can be frustrating that guys aren't available to fuck, I know, but it's their right to decide what they do and don't do. Just as it's everyone else's right to not engage with them.

I had no idea this was discussed before. I literally did a search for side and different things came up. Sideways, side eye, side? I didn't see anything specific to the side status. But maybe I'm just poor at searching here but I am new though. At least it was a good while ago that it was brought up. I agree about the shaming or being too hard part though. Especially mental illness since that's what they used to say about gays years ago.

 

49 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

I think you guys are being too hard on @jeff238 if he is trying to hookup in the PNW, either on the apps or in person he is used to dealing with sides that won't take no for an answer and especially in person, waste your time and cock block you by trying to convince you they know ways to have the greatest sex of your life if you promise not to touch their icky dick or ask them to touch yours. I choose to stay away from jack off groups, suck groups, cuddle parties, massage parties and any other fetish group or event even when they are held at bathhouses. Is it too much to ask that sides do the same for CumUnion Parties and other groups and orgies that are billed as events for fucking? They don't usually stay away, and when they attend in significant numbers manage to keep those of us who do enjoy fucking from getting what we are looking for. I travel a lot and mostly have to get what I enjoy when I'm not in WA, OR or BC.

There have actually been Jack off groups and spanking groups in my area. The spanking groups years ago were actually pretty fun and they did lead to more. I think I went to one Jack off party once and it was kinda eh just guys jacking off not really my vibe. I did realize there are suck groups now but they are being held more like as contests and at bars no less. That's an interesting bar 🤣. But you are probably right that at the end of the day it's really just an oral group especially since they do it regularly. I can't speak much about cumUnion parties since the one I went to last guys were fucking and sucking and in the dark in the open. I didn't really see any sub group of people just doing oral or something outside of what the group is likely intended for. 

I have kinda realized that after I wrote this that I kinda did get together with a guy that did tell me he never tops for some reason. I didn't ask why because I wanted to see if there was a chance. And I did end up fucking him and I rode him for a little bit too. He seemed to enjoy the being rode part. So I am kinda curious about the mindset of guys who either say "Absolutely no anal or oral". Does their mind change if it they get together with a guy who they like? Or do they stick to their guns. I kinda feel for the most part there's a large majority of guys who once they are in the bedroom and in the heat of the moment might be wanting to do things that they normally don't do or haven't tried. But I understand that for the majority and depending on what kind of city area you live in. If you live in a place with not many guys or options around if all you saw is sides and no main entrees then yeah that would be pretty annoying. Sorry this side terminology is just throwing me off I'm trying to internalize my puns but it's failing. 

At least some of the profiles that I've seen they seem to like kissing, body contact, cuddling, sensual, and sometimes some nipple play and that's like foreplay basically. And that's actually great for foreplay. I am kinda curious of what constitutes as "release" for them or gets them off for the ones that don't like oral/anal at all. I know they have gay apparel and stuff for tops/bottoms, boy/Daddy/Sir and stuff like that. I wonder if there is side printed apparel now. I mean the whole pup thing wasn't really a thing years ago and now it so probably likely. I think ultimately I'll try not to write someone off from being side if there is chemistry, attraction, and other things there. But if it was looking like a relationship type deal then that itself would likely be a deal breaker. Curious to actually play with a side now and see what it's like. I mean I was before writing this but even more so now. 

[NWUSHorny]

36 minutes ago, TownTravellerMan said:

I know they have gay apparel and stuff for tops/bottoms, boy/Daddy/Sir and stuff like that. I wonder if there is side printed apparel now. I mean the whole pup thing wasn't really a thing years ago and now it so probably likely. 

I don't remember seeing any shirts or gear with side printed on them. A couple of years ago there were a bunch of guys showing up to the bathhouses here in Portland with shirts that said "Power Cuddler" on them, and probably at least 99% of them are committed sides. At least here they aren't at all shy about admitting they are sides, one of the 2 local bathhouses hosts glow bracelet night where you choose blue = top, green = verse, red = bottom, orange = oral, and purple = none of the above, maybe a total of 25% of the attendees choose red, green or blue in total, another 25% choose orange, and the other half choose purple. The best way to piss someone off is to mistake a purple for blue, or an orange for red after they have been there for several hours and colors are faded and try to get them to fuck, I've gotten an earful on more than one occasion. 

As to CumUnion parties, I love going to them in most cities, the notable exceptions are Portland, Seattle and Vancouver, where they usually are fuck free blueballs fests. I've been several times in Seattle where I stayed for 3 or 4 hours without seeing or hearing any indication that anyone fucked, and the other 2 cities in the region aren't much better, so it is extremely frustrating for someone like myself who likes to fuck and knows what happens in the rest of the world.

Edited 3 hours ago by NWUSHorny

[TownTravellerMan]

Maybe it hasn't caught on enough then. Power Cuddler doesn't sound like a bad shirt I wouldn't assume that would mean someone is 99% committed side. But I guess if they are the bath house to cuddle maybe that indicates a side? I haven't been to the bath house that frequently so I don't know cuddling there is the norm or not. Man glow in the dark bracelets. That takes me back. I do think that a bath house did that several several years ago. Rip to those who are even remotely color blind with that color scheme. I believe in the past when that was done in my area at least it was only two colors top or bottom lol. Blackout nights at the sex club/bath house were also more common back then so the color light indicator helped with that. Having the colors faded sounds like a horrible way to mix things up. I mean they are there for sex and so are you even if you deviate from what their color states by accident it shouldn't be that big of a deal I'd think. 

Going to a cumunion and not hearing the sounds of people fucking is absolutely insane. That's the entire purpose. Not one area at all? Maybe they are all in some corner or part of the area. At that point what is even the point of cumunion if no one is fucking. I've been to some in the past in my city and they have been an absolute blast. They have also had them at parliament house and those have been really fun too. As well as other events there. I would almost want my money back if I went to a cumunion and not a single guy was fucking at all lol. I mean travelling for sex in general can be a lot of fun. Did it a lot when I was younger still have some cities in mind that I'd love to visit again and some for the first time. In time I'm sure. I'm glad that where I am for the most part has a good scene though.