Getting Deeper Into The BDSM Sub Role

[rawinme]

I love the sub bottom role and I thought that the absolute kinkiest thing was to get tied helpless, get my ass whipped with a belt then fucked while still tied.  After a while that wasn't enough so I bought a whip and asked a guy to use it on me.  He really did not know how to use it and missed a lot and did a bit of damage.  I said never again with te whip but after a week or so I started looking again and found an experieced guy who gave my ass a good workout.  Once again it hurt like hell, I said no more, then after a week or two was back at it.  I got to loving the whip and sort of got used to it.

Which brings me to today.  I've been looking for a dom who would string me up, standing with my wrists tied up and above, my ankles tied wide apart, and my balls tied extra tight to an anchor on the floor or ground so that there would be much pain if I moved because of whip contact.  Just writing about it makes me hard and horny, even with the knowledge that I will most like say no more afterwards.  

I have plans to visit a man next week who has 29 acres of land in his back yard and is into naked, all day B&D sessions back there.  He has rope, restraints, paddles, whips, huge dildos, gags and blindfolds.  He has agreed too string me up spread eagle, balls fastened, and use the whip on my ass as much as he pleases.  This will be followed by the usual bareback fuck and he promises 4 loads minimum for the day.  My excitement is sky high.

[firstexp]

On 9/19/2025 at 7:25 PM, rawinme said:

I love the sub bottom role and I thought that the absolute kinkiest thing was to get tied helpless, get my ass whipped with a belt then fucked while still tied.  After a while that wasn't enough so I bought a whip and asked a guy to use it on me.  He really did not know how to use it and missed a lot and did a bit of damage.  I said never again with te whip but after a week or so I started looking again and found an experieced guy who gave my ass a good workout.  Once again it hurt like hell, I said no more, then after a week or two was back at it.  I got to loving the whip and sort of got used to it.

Which brings me to today.  I've been looking for a dom who would string me up, standing with my wrists tied up and above, my ankles tied wide apart, and my balls tied extra tight to an anchor on the floor or ground so that there would be much pain if I moved because of whip contact.  Just writing about it makes me hard and horny, even with the knowledge that I will most like say no more afterwards.  

I have plans to visit a man next week who has 29 acres of land in his back yard and is into naked, all day B&D sessions back there.  He has rope, restraints, paddles, whips, huge dildos, gags and blindfolds.  He has agreed too string me up spread eagle, balls fastened, and use the whip on my ass as much as he pleases.  This will be followed by the usual bareback fuck and he promises 4 loads minimum for the day.  My excitement is sky high.

wow so wonderful.. did you have the meeting?

[rawinme]

On 10/4/2025 at 2:40 PM, firstexp said:

wow so wonderful.. did you have the meeting?

No, did not connect.  The guy had some major anger issues, was very hard to communicate with and had absolutely no patience.  He's a real crackpot.

[verbalBTTM]

The sex you seek is very exciting and potent, take your time in finding your Dom. You want a man who's experienced and will take you up to his level, you might be surprised who that ends up being. 

 

Good hunting sir

[Hungryforbbc]

Highly recommend:

 

[think before following links] https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/398832/under-my-masters-wings-by-wissot-lauren/9780352346230

[sfox61]

Wish I had a dom to strap my arse and then fill it 😉 xxx

[RawRumner]

16 hours ago, sfox61 said:

Wish I had a dom to strap my arse and then fill it 😉 xxx

Me too

[onlyraw]

On 10/12/2025 at 11:38 PM, rawinme said:

No, did not connect.  The guy had some major anger issues, was very hard to communicate with and had absolutely no patience.  He's a real crackpot.

With every encounter…. Especially if there is going to be bondage involved…..finding the right guy you can trust is super important…. Good on you for seeing the red flags and backing out.

you don’t want a guy with anger issues to be tieing you up and being in possession of a whip… or anything like that.

would love to see your ass turn a nice bright red before I shove my unprotected cock in your ass for a long breeding session…..

[hntnhole]

On 10/12/2025 at 11:38 PM, rawinme said:

The guy had some major anger issues

Kudos, rawinme. 

Without the crucial bond of trust being established, the most potent facet of B/d S/m - the giving up one's control of the bottom, and the acceptance of control of the Top - the magnificent "connection" that is available to each man will be impossible to establish.  Without that trust being well-established (which no true Leatherman would allow via what we call "a negotiation") the exercise is almost certain to - at best - fail.  

[rawinme]

On 10/20/2025 at 11:00 AM, onlyraw said:

With every encounter…. Especially if there is going to be bondage involved…..finding the right guy you can trust is super important…. Good on you for seeing the red flags and backing out.

you don’t want a guy with anger issues to be tieing you up and being in possession of a whip… or anything like that.

would love to see your ass turn a nice bright red before I shove my unprotected cock in your ass for a long breeding session…..

I would love for you to do it, turn my ass red with a belt or whip before you breed me.  A nice long breeding session as you said. Then repeat.  

[rawinme]

On 10/20/2025 at 4:10 PM, hntnhole said:

Kudos, rawinme. 

Without the crucial bond of trust being established, the most potent facet of B/d S/m - the giving up one's control of the bottom, and the acceptance of control of the Top - the magnificent "connection" that is available to each man will be impossible to establish.  Without that trust being well-established (which no true Leatherman would allow via what we call "a negotiation") the exercise is almost certain to - at best - fail.  

How do you develop that trust?  Time?  Part of the excitement is being tied and helpless and at the control of the dom.  But of course that excitement may be short lived.  

[hntnhole]

3 hours ago, rawinme said:

How do you develop that trust?

The Bd/Sm community has had a number of "key words" for decades that apply to this issue.  

First and foremost:  the negotiation.  This is a meeting of the Dom and (would-be) sub somewhere neutral - a non-threatening place in public (often a cafe, to share a meal), or any place where a quiet-yet-crucial conversation can be had.  

This negotiation will lay out all the "limits" each man may (or may not) have, so both know what the limits actually are.  This is crucial so the prospective sub conveys his desires to be fulfilled, as well as acts that he's not yet ready to fulfill.  it's crucial for each man to know before the initial scene is to take place (generally at the Dom's place, since he's more likely to possess more "gear" than a sub who's just beginning his journey into submission), and the purpose of the negotiation is to outline the various acts demonstrating Dominance or submission, since not all acts of Bd/sm would be appropriate for a newbie to the D/s life.  

You should be prepared to state clearly to the prospective Dom what particular acts - if there are any - that you're unfamiliar with, concerned about - and the prospective Dom should do the same.  Think of it as a "meeting of the minds" - a prelude to the actual performance.  Any - any questions you have should be brought up for discussion, and definitely any concerns for your physical safety.  There are no questions that would be considered "out of line".  It's in the Dom's best interest too, to know where you are presently, in your journey into sexual submission.

In the event that you need another meeting after the first negotiation (clear up lingering issues in your mind, etc), by all means ask for it.  There are very serious consequences for "misunderstandings" during the requisite negotiation (of limits), and one way to earn the Dom's confidence is to ask him if he'll allow a phone call somewhere in the middle of the negotiation.  That tells the Dom that although you're a novice, you're no fool either.  Ask one of your friends to call you at a specific time during the negotiation, and tell the Dom that you've taken this precaution.  It doesn't have to be more than you answer, say everything's fine, and hang up.  Or, if everything isn't fine, convey that via some code word.  It's a sad, terrible truth, but there are some guys out there that would take advantage of a novice, despite that act being the absolute opposite of what the Bd/Sm life is all about.  Any Bd/Sm Master will only be impressed with your earnestness pursuit.  

If you need more information about anything, you may send me a private message, and I'll do my best to answer.  And, heartfelt congratulations on taking this initial step.  The Bd/Sm life can be more rewarding than you can possibly imagine, when the foundation is built on rock.  

[rawinme]

On 12/15/2025 at 4:00 PM, hntnhole said:

The Bd/Sm community has had a number of "key words" for decades that apply to this issue.  

First and foremost:  the negotiation.  This is a meeting of the Dom and (would-be) sub somewhere neutral - a non-threatening place in public (often a cafe, to share a meal), or any place where a quiet-yet-crucial conversation can be had.  

This negotiation will lay out all the "limits" each man may (or may not) have, so both know what the limits actually are.  This is crucial so the prospective sub conveys his desires to be fulfilled, as well as acts that he's not yet ready to fulfill.  it's crucial for each man to know before the initial scene is to take place (generally at the Dom's place, since he's more likely to possess more "gear" than a sub who's just beginning his journey into submission), and the purpose of the negotiation is to outline the various acts demonstrating Dominance or submission, since not all acts of Bd/sm would be appropriate for a newbie to the D/s life.  

You should be prepared to state clearly to the prospective Dom what particular acts - if there are any - that you're unfamiliar with, concerned about - and the prospective Dom should do the same.  Think of it as a "meeting of the minds" - a prelude to the actual performance.  Any - any questions you have should be brought up for discussion, and definitely any concerns for your physical safety.  There are no questions that would be considered "out of line".  It's in the Dom's best interest too, to know where you are presently, in your journey into sexual submission.

In the event that you need another meeting after the first negotiation (clear up lingering issues in your mind, etc), by all means ask for it.  There are very serious consequences for "misunderstandings" during the requisite negotiation (of limits), and one way to earn the Dom's confidence is to ask him if he'll allow a phone call somewhere in the middle of the negotiation.  That tells the Dom that although you're a novice, you're no fool either.  Ask one of your friends to call you at a specific time during the negotiation, and tell the Dom that you've taken this precaution.  It doesn't have to be more than you answer, say everything's fine, and hang up.  Or, if everything isn't fine, convey that via some code word.  It's a sad, terrible truth, but there are some guys out there that would take advantage of a novice, despite that act being the absolute opposite of what the Bd/Sm life is all about.  Any Bd/Sm Master will only be impressed with your earnestness pursuit.  

If you need more information about anything, you may send me a private message, and I'll do my best to answer.  And, heartfelt congratulations on taking this initial step.  The Bd/Sm life can be more rewarding than you can possibly imagine, when the foundation is built on rock.  

Thank you for the detailed outline of how to negotiate ahead of time.  But no matter what is discussed and agreed upon, couldn't  the dom do whatever he wants when I'm bound and helpless?  

[hntnhole]

Within the Bd/Sm community*, there are some acts that simply are not acted out.  

 

*by that definition, I mean members of that community that are known to each other, and these men derive their identity, their sense of self, their dedication to their craft, and consider themselves members of a very special sub-group within the wider gay community.  There are usually organizations in the major metro areas that exist to provide a communal space for men drawn to the Bd/Sm community, and the very last thing on earth these men would want is to have their reputation, their integrity, their dedication to Dominance or submission, or any other facet of their lives brought into question.  Frankly, any member of the Bd/Sm community that disrespects the greater community (in the context of a scene) by acting in some way that disrespects the greater community, would be kicked out of that organization at the earliest opportunity.  

There are protocols that every member of any Bd/Sm organization/club respect, and earning a reputation of dishonesty in a sexual situation would be unthinkable to a man dedicated to this life.  This is why these men form organizations/clubs in the first place; to support and defend each other whenever necessary.  It's like a family bound by respect for each other  as much as anything else.  Obviously, the communicative "thread" is a special kind of sexual ritual, but the situation you allude to is something I've never heard of. 

That said, there are always outliers who don't respect themselves, let alone anyone else.  These types seldom make it into a Bd/Sm club or organization in the first place, since new members have to be "sponsored" by an existing member before being allowed to join.  

In the scene you envision above, that Dom/Sir you allude to wouldn't have made it into any kind of Bd/Sm club.  Becoming a member of any of the well-known Bd/Sm clubs is not an easy thing; referenced, all of that are needed.  CHC* was the predominant one in Chicago - maybe still is, for all I know.  NO member of CHC would want to suffer the humiliation of breaking his word - damaging his honor - anything like that.  

Thus, a man who feels "called" to Dominance or submission should always investigate the resources in his community.  Guys that don't live in major metro areas should attend nationally-known events - International Mister Leather Contest, for instance - or any other similar event - to find resources in his own area.  Clearly, a guy who's just discovering how this life might apply to him needs to find out about organizations similar, and contact that organization.  It's a fairly close-knit community, and guys know and understand that protecting the potential initiates is paramount.  

16 hours ago, rawinme said:

But no matter what is discussed and agreed upon, couldn't  the dom do whatever he wants when I'm bound and helpless?  

The critter you're describing simply doesn't exist in the Bd/Sm community, and it's that community the newbie should be in contact with.  A guy like the one you describe would not be accepted into any of the organizations.  Most are located in major metro areas, of course, since men living this life aren't on every street corner.  Gay newspapers (in major metro areas) would have listings including the organizations, clubs I'm referring to, and would sincerely welcome questions from guys interested in learning more, and would have a network of responsible guys willing to meet/interact with a new guy drawn to this special life.  

*Chicago Hellfire Club, down on Leavitt St, near north side.  Any major metro area will have a similar organization.  

Thanks for the comment, rawinme; I hope I've made it a bit more clear.