Has internet killed backroom/darkroom fun??

[AlwaysOpen]

Hey guys- I have noticed more and more sex venues, sex clubs or bars with dark rooms or whatever, are gettting weirder and weirder.

I was in London last month for a week, and hit four or five clubs and a sauna. One bar featured a couple of naked nights: lots of guys walking around totally naked, most fondling themselves. It had a dark back hallway and several large contact area rooms, but as a rule there was almost no interaction happening. And should two guys get together and begin to play, suddenly there were 20 others ganged around the two, but the onlookers were just that - standing and staring, mindlessly jacking (wanking, since it was London). No one was interacting with the hot man next to them, and heaven forbid someone might reach over to feel someone's tit or balls: the guy would find his hand pushed away and the other guy would scurry away, apparently afraid someone else might make physical contact with him.

A couple of nights later I went to a party called HardOn. There were 300 very hot men and a clothing check was available so there were plenty of naked men. There were three slings, yet by and large there was no real orgiastic fucking/sucking/playing going on. I stayed late, and only got fucked twice- no cum from it, but it was a lot more than a lot of the others ended up with. And-- same attitude. Guys were wall to wall in the play area, but they were all so isolating- not wanting to accept a rub or a casual feel. ( And it wasn't because it was me- I got to the the point I just stood back and began observing the action not going on- it was across the board rejections of any man touching any other man) There were huge bowls of rubbers in the play area, along with lube. At 3 am the floor was littered with lube pack and rubbers- and in my frustration I began lifting the spent rubbers to see if there were any signs of guys actually "enjoying" themselves. I probably picked up 40 rubbers from around the area, not a single load in any of them !

Back home in Ft Lauderdale, the same thing has been going on for a few months. My favorite sex club has a full parking lot, yet the slings are empty, the dark room has 3 bottoms bent over waiting, waiting. Guys are roaming endlessly, they wander into the darkroom and immediately rush out when somene tries to grope or make any contact withthem ( what were they expecting in a dark room with bottoms bent over asses open and willing?)

I asked around- and the same reading has been felt by other guys - the energy is just very off , weird. The men who work the sex club have made the same observation too- lots of men, but none want to make the one on one connection.

So, my question is this- have the guys gotten so wrapped up in the internet and cruising porn sites and hook up sites with profile after profile, but no real interpersonal connections, that when they are faced with living, breathing real time sex, they don't know how to enjoy it? Is the next generation of men so used to jerking off while IM'ing someone, or while watching someone on X Tube taking an elephant trunk dildo up their ass, that they don't know how to get hard with anyone elses hand, skin against them ? Or is this the outflow effect of all the safe sex messages over the last 20 years- don't touch, don't do it, don't take risks.....

Fuck! I was at a gay resort here last May for a BBRT party/CumUnion gathering. Hot men naked everywhere, when 2 guys retreated to their guest room, but left the curtains on the doors open. Again; 10 others quickly mobbed in front of the door and stood there staring/watching/ jerking. And even though there were sexy, attractive bodies 5 inches away they could have been doing the very same thing they were watching with- no a single guy made a connection. I sure hope the tourist season gets here soon, and that they bring a more connected sexual energy with them.

Edited November 23, 2011 by Hotload84

[pssilverbear]

Gosh, that is awful. The parties I go to in PS are still getting some good groping and lots of raw fucking. The last one I went to I played in 12 different holes with my cock and had two guys load me up. The prior one had a wonderful 5-way going on and everyone of the 5 got fucked at one point or another. Another raw party next weekend after Thanksgiving and I'm hoping for another great fuckfest. Come on out west and we'll be happy to sink a few cocks up your ass and plant some seed for you.

[Guest bbosouno]

Hi, found your "observations" thru RawTop on Twitter. I live in Miami and the sex club I think you are referring to is Slammers in FTL. I 100% agree with you! I've been there (and other places as well) and have observed the same - a complete sense of disconnection. Men do the "carousel routine" - which I call it - where they walk around and around just looking, stopping to stare at times then jump back on the carousel to go around again. Barely any eye contact, God forbid you touch anyone they flinch away, God forbid you even say a "hi."

So has internet porn sites/hook up sites/etc. turning us into anti-social voyeurs, I definitely believe it's doing it. Think about it, look at this situation, I am writing to a complete stranger, no idea what you look like or sound like or what your personality is like. If I choose to not continue this paragraph I can just "clear & cancel" and "poof" we are gone! Do we care about our feelings, probably not - would we probably go search online (or on this site) for other stuff, probably will. See there is no connection, zippo. Have you ever don "sexting" then meet the guy in real time and both just stood there with nothing to say and wanting to run away and get back on our smart phones, hell I'm guilty of it.

Since this site is about barebacking that's even worse - very very very few will do it with strangers - the fantasy rarely crosses over to reality. You can't blame them though, see I'm HIV poz and don't look sick or anything - I can easily stealth one of these guys but I have a conscious and I am also a bottom LMAO!

[Leather69]

Yep I agree to some degree about London.. went to a place on the sunday afternoon (won't name it but get the local magazine and you can work it out).. well early on it realy went off.. later when it was packed.. it became a stand look and stare venue. Monday nights.. well there are two places that have nude parties.. went to one.. it was fairly quiet.. lots of looking and not much play.. then hooked up with two young guys who were very unhibited and took mine and other loads..

Berlin is much better.. was there for Folsom. Here in Australia.. well brisbane (where I live) can be a hit and miss in the 4 sex on premises venues.. Melbourne and at times Sydney have places that really go off..

[Belfast-Bottom]

I think one of the problems with London is the "attitude" of the overly pumped, overly preened, gym bunnies. I have been to London saunas where the "good looking" guys strut and pose for hours waiting for a perfect 10 to proposition them. God forbid that a mere 8 or 9 might look them in the eye or worse touch them. The put downs/brush offs are so callous/ungracious that NO ONE is willing to risk having their ego dented by making the first move and risk a brush off. I think there has been a growth in "attitude" and "body fascism" on the gay scene in recent years. The other factor may well be increasing publicity about the variety of untreatable or difficult to treat STIs in circulation: hep C, MRSA and antibiotic resistant gonorrhoea spring to mind. Perhaps most guys go to sex venues to wank these days?

[AlwaysOpen]

What really kills me are the guys on their smart phones on Grindr or some other hook up site -- while they are in the bar and standing close to probably 20 other guys who are all interested in hooking up- but also cruising the GPS enabled hook up sites-- so they can tell what the guy 12 feet away is into before risking a conversation with them !!

[Guest arguy]

I guess it is the same in person as it is online most guys are all talk and no action. I havent been bred in weeks because nobody is serious about hooking up. Same story at the ABS guys standing around looking and thats all.

[pigskintop]

I am into leather and SM, love Gloryholes and backrooms, t-rooms, and cruising places. In my hunt for slaves over the years, I used to advertise in Drummer, Bear, and local papers. I got so many replies from genuine men. I advertise a lot on the internet for over 10 years, thinking it will be easier, I could find a good replacement slave from anywhere. Most everyone who contacts me is a frigging liar. I don't mind a nice comment to make a friend, but there is so much game playing. They used to say 10% of the population is gay and 1% is into leather and kink. I liked when leather and SM and Kink was underground. It's just a waste of time and energy.

[PhoenixGeoff]

The internet's killed off a lot of it. Most cruising seems to be done online. Hell, it's getting to be rare that I see people hooking up at a bar and going off to someone's home for sex. Most bargoers these days just want to socialize. The fact that women will routinely show up in just about every kind of bar, even supposedly leather bars, also puts a damper on things.

The other side of things is that in a lot of cities, the police have done a lot of cracking down on the bars. They harass and arrest the employees for allowing things to go on, so the employees can't turn a blind eye. Back in the old days, that sort of thing would have had the whole community out in the streets and demanding that the cops back off. Nowadays, the community is far more focused on building a life in the suburbs with the white picket fence and the two-and-a-half dogs and (or course!) the monogamous relationship [gag]

I'd also say that fear of STDs is a big factor in preventing anonymous hookups. Also too, there are a lot of guys into sleazy sex who are also into pretty heavy drugs, which turns off some people.

[pigskintop]

Right on MMM. I fully agree.

[pulszer]

i went to a sauna in London once, the dark room was only full of ugly prissy fat 60-70 year men that got grumpy if other fat prissy 60-70 year old men tried to touch them.. it was quite funny to watch.

In saunas i find the best way to pull is just to make eye contact with a guy in a cabin doorway or some such and squeeze your bulge. He'll know what your about, and whether he wants a piece or not.

Hmm Re: diconnected sexual energy thing. I guess theres alot of people that just wont let go. A big part of it might also be fear of rejection I guess.

I think you could mitgate it by holding more themed nights though, and by ensuring cliental in a sex (which lets not forget is for sex first and foremost) club are up to standard.

Edited November 22, 2011 by pulszer
just wanted to add more

[Guest bbosouno]

I just received an email that this thread is still going on so I decided to revisit it lol. Definitely everyone is on target here. As a few guys have pointed out - especially mascmountainmen - the gay world has changed. I remember the dark backrooms that almost all gay bars had (pre internet sites) way back then and no one flinched an eye, then cities started shutting them down claiming them "health hazards" (ie "disease dens" aka HIV dens as I was told once). The gay community actually backed these shutdowns! Gay community wanted acceptance and wanted "homogenization" with straight community or so they said but.... The but comes from the hypocrisy. They allow all these bars to shut down taking away any central place for us to hang out and hold hands/kiss/or have sex with no judgement so they instead created sex hookup sites - nice. I'm a radical in this area but all those living in the suburbs with pretty muscled 10% body fat husband and the 2.5 dogs and white picket fenses are THE FIRST to go online to find fuck buddies without the consent of dear hubby and they all have grindr on their iPhone 4s covered in a Coach leather case - I know A LOT of these guys so never be fooled by pretty postcards LOL

[PhoenixGeoff]

I know A LOT of these guys so never be fooled by pretty postcards LOL

Preach it, brother!

Yeah, what pisses me off so much is the fucking hypocrisy of the whole thing. If you honestly want to have that monogamous lifestyle and all that, then fine. Go off, be happy, live your life. But don't pretend that's what you want and then turn around and carry on fucking around when you think no-one's watching. Especially if you're going to be looking down on men who do the exact same thing you do but do it openly and with some fucking integrity. That makes you no better than the fucking evangelical preacher spewing hatred of gays while snorting meth with his male escort on the side.

[Belfast-Bottom]

"fucking evangelical preacher spewing hatred of gays while snorting meth with his male escort on the side."

Ain't that the truth!

[PhoenixGeoff]

Ain't that the truth!

Actually, I'm not sure if the news made it across the pond, but that actually happened, right here in Colorado.