@Philip I appreciate your post.  How old of a relationship are you in?  

My first thought in reading your interesting post was "to your (thine) own self be true".  Rich and I established early on, and have over 25 years had to remind ourselves that "expectations" cause problems.  Which is not to say we don't help each other.  But we each have talents which differ from each other, and taking advantage of those seems more productive.  

If one of us takes on a job, we own it.  That doesn't mean we don't ask for help, but help isn't a guarantee, nor should it.  That has lead us in recent years to "hire things out" which neither of us can or will do.  Not a surprise.  As the years unfold our abilities have changed.  

Your post is a fine post Philip.  A great start to putting your own thoughts together.  Obviously what any of us say here doesn't matter a whit.  The discussion to follow is between you and your mate.  

Hugs brother.

Jim

6 hours ago, PozBearWI said:

Hugs brother.

Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experiences with Rich—it gave me a lot to think about. I really admire your approach to balancing independence with asking for help when needed, and I might just borrow a page from your book! My partner and I have been together for two years, so we’re still figuring things out, but your perspective is incredibly inspiring. Thanks again for your thoughtful reply, Jim.

Most of all be true to yourself, don't loose yourself for the sake of the relationship.  Each relationship has it own quirks, ups and downs, but if you are not true to yourself, then you may start to resent your partner.  Talk, talk and talk, be open and honest. Compromise where you need to, but stand firm on what you need for you. All good things take time and if the effort isn't 50/50 then it's not a fair relationship.

Hugs sexy man, keep well.

Start with pleasing your own self first, then worry about pleasing others. For example, if he wants soup, let him make it. That doesn't mean you have to be part of the process. Your time is valuable too, especially to you. It would be one thing if you came home and he had prepared it for you to then not eat it, but he hadn't. And if he's not mature enough to understand that, then maybe he's not the right one for you. You can just kindly say, "I'm not up to that tonight, but if you want to, go right ahead. I'll have something light right now and can have some tomorrow."

"Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good at this whole relationship thing. I doubt myself constantly. I think about how I’m supposed to be supportive, kind, and gentle, and lately, I don’t feel like I’m living up to any of those things."

Phillip, the fact that you're even aware of these issues proves that you're "living up" to these issues.  No one is born a "finished product".  All of us have issues with this or that we need to work on.  That's one of the foundational attributes of living; we get to reflect, alter course when appropriate, share our lives with another man (or men, depending on one's particular bent).  Unless you were born in the Levant about 2K years ago (or fill in the blanks for any revered historical figure) you're already farther along in recognizing the questions than some ever realize.  

You don't need to be mesmerized by your other half's drawing; all you need to do is not be critical, and my guess is you're being more supportive that most of us would be.  Giving him time/space is great.  Taking time/space for your own interests is too.  Relationships are essentially about giving, not taking.  Humans need companionship on as deep a level as they can handle, a sense of sharing, giving love, receiving it, and everything else in-between.  

"I know it’s awful to say, but I feel like I can learn much faster on my own"  No, it isn't awful to feel that way, nor to express it.  The fact is, it's how you feel, and that's enough.  There might be some functions he's able to accomplish better than you; so what?  Each of you is an individual, and also a part of something together.  You don't have to tear yourself up about being able to learn faster on your own.  You only need to be patient enough with him to explain that kindly.  You're not his nanny - you're his partner.  There's a difference.  

"I keep asking myself if I’m doing enough, if I’m being the partner I should be."  I think that all successful couples that have a few years under their respective belts experience feelings like that.  'Am I suffocating him?" - "Is he suffocating me"? - on and on.  That's a good thing to experience, since it offers us a chance to take an updated measure of how our lives are unfolding.  Some relationships last for decades, some don't.  There's no right or wrong answer, there's only the answer that right for you and him.  I hope your relationship matures into a magnificent pairing of soul-mates, as well as all the rest.  If that's not in the cards, then I hope each of you finds what you truly need to maintain your balance for the duration.  But bear in mind that no guy is 100% perfect - all of us need to 'make room' for our lover/partner(s).  Having the depth of character to want to "do it right" is remarkable, in and of itself.  I wonder how many guys on this site possess the same.  

"The hardest part is figuring out where these expectations come from. Are they mine, or are they ideas I’ve absorbed from the world around me?"  As far as I can discern, they come from a constantly questioning mind.  That mind appears to always be seeking a more productive way to get concrete answers, when sometimes there are none.  We have to do the best we're able, as we're given the resources to discern that "best", and you've got a trunk-full of resources.  

It's a magnificent facet of our existence that we have the ability to question ourselves, and - when potential answers warrant - make alterations to our perceptions.  That said, no one (in this plane of existence anyway) reaches 100% of their potential.  There's always room for improvement.  That's the cool thing about humanity; there's always room for improvement, when we indulge in enough introspection to realize that fact.  It's good that you make all the efforts, but realize that perfection simply is a bridge to far in this plane of existence.  When you're twice as old as whatever your age is, you'll still feel like there's more to make of your life.  How's that for a fantastic reason to get up in the morning?