Since i was 18 I've always been a bit of a slut. But I was more of the selective slut back then and used condoms. First barebacking I was selective for a while because of fear but as I progressed I realized it didn't matter. But even then, I didn't really whore out. Nah, just a few loads up my butt everyday. Becoming poz, I even had less sex.

But I'm starting to realize more and more about myself.

I went to a club on saturday night. My goal was to dance, drink, have fun, and maybe hook up with a guy. So if that's the case why do I go to the dark room first. Barely being there for a few minutes I decide to bend over the pull table. In even less time I pull down my pants and reveal my ass in my jockstrap. Who the hell was this person? Was this really me? What happened to dancing and having fun? What happened to not being so slutty and being more selective? What happened to saving yourself?

I'll retract a little before I get to this point. I talk with my exes sometimes. I'm not sure why or how but after talking with one of them last week something just clicked in me. Yeah I still love them, miss them, wish it would work out. But for some reason I just let the idea of me being in another relationship, me waiting for someone, me saving myself, me being reserved, me being a total subservient boy to a bastard top, or being walked all over. I just let it go. *don't sue*. After my client that night I went to a club and got pretty damn drunk and then I went to a sex club and got 7 loads. I got in an orgy and a guy raped my hole while I was fucking another guy. It was fucking hot. One guy pulled me into a room and after fucking me I thanked him and he said he wasn't done with me and pinned me against the wall and bred me again. Maybe after that black guy raped me, I kinda like that now. And then to end it all I just went into the dark room, bent over, and let whoever fuck me. I didn't care. And when I went to cumunion I got in a sling and let anyone fuck me and just took it. I didn't feel lowered, desperate, I just did it.

Back to where I left off.

"Is this who I really am?", I asked myself while I was spreading my cheeks and backing my ass up on guys who walked by. A few guys felt me up. One guy kissed me. And a very hot daddy commented on my hole and asked if I had any loads. He chuckled when I told him I didn't and he fingered my hole roughly. He told me that he'll be back once I have some loads. One guy fucked me but with a condom. I sucked a few guys but all of them asked for a condom. But that's where I was most of the night just against the pull table and sometimes mostly bent over. No one made me do it. The alcohol didn't really make me either. It wasn't the poppers it was me. I wanted to be fucked by anyone I don't care who the guy is, how old, dick size, just wanted cock in me.

This is something. Like a fear I've been trying to avoid and fight for so long. Giving into becoming a complete cumdump and slut. I figured I'd be at truckstops, sold off somewhere, or just completely destroyed mentally and physically if I gave into this. But I don't feel. I just did it. And I'll do it again. If I'm in a place where I know sex is possible especially raw sex I'll bend over and let anyone fuck me. Hell if I see a guy look at me with desire I'll offer him my ass or mouth. I just want to be used and love being used.

I did try to dance for a ltitle just a break from the room. Had a little fun and when i went back to the room some guy comes over and said he watched me most of the night. He fucks me raw in that room, in the bathroom, and outside and then he breeds me. There's no mention of condoms or status. Hell he didn't even tell me his name. I was just a hole and mouth for him and I loved it. I thought that I'd feel sad or depressed if I let myself give into my inner slut. And I don't. I don't really feel empowered either, just slightly less horny and satisfied each and every time.

The only drawback to this is I'm becoming more of a bottom. I tried getting with a guy recently and couldn't really get it up to fuck him. I liked fucking before but that came from some power, strength, and drive. Right now...I guess I just want to submit. But I'll make no more excuses or hide from the fact that I've only discovered a small portion of how much of a slut and cumdump I really am and how subservient I am. I honestly, can't wait to see where this takes me.