johnny93x

My darkest fantasy would be to be drugged by a drug-dealer and pass out. Then wake up in a dark basement, tied-up, blindfolded and getting raped. I would be kept high constantly, used daily for god knows how long till my brain turns into mush, craving only drugs and abuse, loosing the ability to form sentenses or say or write anything that would make sense. He would then untie me and I would spend the rest of my life as his loyal pet, on the floor by his side. He would offer me up for use to any customer or other drug dealer to get their rocks off. He would also use me as a mule to transport drugs safely from gangs and cartels. They would take a liking to me and they would often reward me with their loads or by leaving a small drug-package leaking inside my hole by 'accident'. If I ever did a mistake that would anger my owner he would just tie me down depriving me of his attention and the drugs. He would only release me back to his world when I would reach a breaking point. My whole world would be his. That's how I fantasize of my dream world.

BootmanLA , john54476 and ErosWired thank you so much for your replies.

Hi Guys, I apologize in advance for the lengthy text. I would really appreciate your help and your experience. I really struggle accepting myself for who I am. I am 29, Greek, generally open-minded, a bit of a nerd and bottom only. I live in a small town in the UK and big part of the town knows me because of my profession. I love bareback sex and meth but I struggle to accept it. I used to be a safe-only type of bottom and I never even thought of bareback sex or drugs. First time I got bred I was finishing uni and it was basically a rape, I was telling him to stop, put a condom on but he ignored me. I tried to escape but he was holding me tight and he promised to pull out, which he did. I trusted him because I knew him and we used to be sex-buddies for over a year. I didn't overthink it and told my self it won't happen again. Second time it was a few years later while in a trip for work, in a sauna where the guy stealth fucked me. I was a bit drunk and I didn't even realise that the condom had came off and 'got lost' into my hole. I only realized once I felt him shooting his load inside me and I saw that his dick didn't have a condom off. I asked the guy about it, he said that he had a condom on and that he didnt know what had happened. Basically, he played dumb. He said that the condom must have slipped into my hole. I freaked out and he started fingering me to find the condom which he did and then he disappeared -thinking back I find that really hot-. I got to the hospital asap to get post-exposure prophylaxis. That scene played in my mind quiet a bit and I kept getting horny thinking of the cum and the condom in my hole. A while later, I met a guy through grindr and he was into hnh. He was extremely good looking and had a massive dick so I agreed to try meet him for pnp although I was scared of drugs. We met, I tried meth for the first time, got me really horny, we started fucking and the condom broke. He told me that there is no point in putting another one on since I already had his pre-cum inside him and being high I agreed to keep fucking like that, with the broken condom tied to the base of his dick like a cock-ring. When I went home and realized what I had just done I freaked out and had post-exposure prophylaxis again. Thinking back, I realized that I really enjoyed bareback sex more than with a condom and I loved the sensation of hot cum shooting inside me. What I loved even more was the stickiness and the wetness that it gave to my hole. I started prep and had bareback sex and meth a dozen times and I can't stop thinking about it. A year ago, while in London, I met a guy who really fucked with my mind. He was poz, rough looking, dominant and has the one of the biggest dicks I ve ever seen. I was really attracted to him and couldn't say no to anything he said. We met at his flat, he blindfolded me, got me high as kite - I didn't even ask him what drugs he was giving me- fucked the hell out of me, he bred me, pissed inside me, kicked me out of his flat and blocked me off grindr. I was in Central London in the middle of the night, alone, high, feeling sick and trying to hold his cum and piss from leaking to my trousers. It took me weeks off work to recover. My body was in pain, my hole was swollen for days, my bum was bruished from the hard slapping and I even had some blood coming out of my hole. My mouth and my lips were bruished and my throat hurt when I was trying to eat or drink. I was so high when I was getting fucked that I didn't even feel any pain back then. I wasn't realizing that he was actually causing harm to my body. For a week I was in bed crying and trying to recover. I was afraid that he gave me HIV. I tested and I was negative for HIV, but he gave me syphilis and gonorrhea. That was the last time I had sex. In a single year I got STDs 4 times! Every time I get horny I think of being high, getting load after load, being blindfolded and getting bred by anon guys that I ll never seen. I think of the last guy and how good it all felt back then, when I was high, blindfolded getting the most brutal fuck of my life. I wish I could stay there being his pet, his cumdump. I wish he would use me like that again and again and even invite others to breed my hole. I only watch bareback porn now, I get horny reading the stories here, especially the chem section. I don't think I ll enjoy safe sex because the idea doesn't arouse me at all. I got so scared of my thoughts that I was going to destroy myself if I keep on like that so I decided not to have sex at all. I I have managed to control my urges and haven't had any sex at all for more than a year. I know that this isn't healthy either. I am moving to London in a few months and I am worried that being there, with so easy access to chems and loads of guys I will become a drug addicted cumslut. I get horny thinking of finding that guy and asking me to use me even harder than he did last time. The idea excites me and scares me also. I don't know how to handle my desires and how to accept my sexual fantasies. I am scared of getting HIV or any other STD but I can't deny that I want to experience all that again. How do I get to accept myself? I want to enjoy sex again but I am really scared. I am ashamed to discuss this with a psychologist and all my friends are straight and conservative. Is this life style a guarantee for getting HIV? If I m on prep, is it a guarantee that I will not contract HIV? What if deep down I want to get pozzed, so that I stop worrying about it. I have even thought that I am attracted to this life style because I don't feel worthy of a good healthy life and I want to self-destruct. I know that most of you guys must have accepted yourselfs and enjoy your sexual passions without any regret and I admire you for that. I don't mean to judge you or disrespect you with my line of questioning. I am merely asking for your help and experience so that I can find a way forward. Thank you.

I don't care. Whatever got me more dick...