discreet4rough

I was raped twice by the same guy when I was an experienced guy (anal), and numerous other events. 1) I had never smoked weed before and he kind of made me do it. Next thing I know I'm having these horrible panic attacks and he jumped on me. I didn't fight back cause the panic attacks stopped. He got stripped me naked and pushed me on his bed. Next thing I know is my ass being rimmed and then his dick rammed into my ass with only spit as lube. He powerfucked me for like 5 minutes. I came handsfree from the shock and the weed. I asked him to stop after I came since it was too sensitive, but he just kept going as I moaned in pain. After a minute or so, I started getting hard again and moaned in pleasure, then came again as he came in my ass. 2) a few years after that event. I was a little more experienced, but I hadn't had an orgasm like the two in my first rape. He fucked me mercilessly, but it was all consensual. We went to bed drunk and high. I woke up a few hours later on my back, him on top of me with his dick in my ass. My ass had never just "let" a dick inside like I so relaxed, my ass didn't need to be worked up to getting fucked. He said: "your ass gives no resistance when you sleep. I could do this every night". I was utterly creeped out, because I wasn't just sleeping, but in a drunk and weed sleep. My dick was hard and whether I liked it or not and his dick in my ass was giving me waves of pleasure. He powerfucked me again until he unloaded in me, and I came so hard that time, I feel like I lost conscious. 3) non-anal "rape" events - Still with the same guy. He wanted to experiment with a bit of BDSM and rough role play, but we didn't have a safe word. I like domination a lot, but he started to really get abusive. He would use his belt on me and refuse to stop when I screamed and begged him to. He'd look through my phone when I was sleeping and send my nudes to a bunch of other guys he didn't know, just to see if I was fucking them or if they were "competition". I keep my distance from him now. We live in a different city. I still talk to him once-in-a-while (keep your enemies closer), but I don't meet up with him. Nonetheless, I still think of the hot sex (or rape??) the first 2 events listed above. Now, I'm a little fucked up that I fantasize about the feelings of fear and danger when I hook up with guys, only because I've never had orgasms as intense as my rapes.... It's a little fucked up, I know.

I tried to find another topic about this, but I'm wondering if anyone has this fucked up attraction to dangerous men. Every time I see a man who I could see beat me up or unstable, I get scared, but that fear makes me horny as fuck. All I want is him to take me. I think it came from early experience when I lost my virginity with this guy who got me high on weed and had his way with me. I was always scared of him, like there was some unstable part of him. To this day, it was the best fuck of my life.

When I was 26. I was at a bathhouse and this daddy type was about to have a piss in the bathrooms and I just stopped to look. He walked to me and started pissing all over my body. Instincts took over and I found myself on my knees as he pissed all over my face.